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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dd should just come home on the 28th anyway?

30 replies

TurquoiseBaubles · 14/12/2020 17:20

dd is 22 and a nurse, working on the front line in London. She has worked with Covid patients throughout, on an ICU, a CCU, and on her own ward. She is currently working (voluntarily) between two wards, both short staffed and is under huge pressure.

She has only managed to get home once since March. Every other trip home has fallen under lockdown/quarantine rules, and has had to be cancelled.

She volunteered to work Christmas so that staff with children could have time off so is working (nights) Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and the Monday (bank holiday), planning to head home for an alternative Christmas on the 28th.

She and friends were planning to have their Christmas dinner, as a group of 3 who all work together, this weekend. Now due to lockdown, that has been cancelled, and it's now looking as though she can't come home on the 28th as travel is only allowed from 23rd to 27th.

I've said she should just come home anyway. If everyone else can have a free for all Christmas, why can't frontline staff?

OP posts:
Thebig3 · 14/12/2020 17:32

If it was me I would, but I'm probably gonna be in the minority!

MonsterKidz · 14/12/2020 17:35

Absolutely! You must be so proud to have such a compassionate and caring daughter and I think she deserves to come home for some family time.

Janaih · 14/12/2020 17:38

I think the travel thing is advisory, not law?
My dd is at a London uni. She will be coming home for xmas whatever the rules are.

Original poster
TurquoiseBaubles · 14/12/2020 17:41

Even if it's advisory, it's likely her ward manager won't let her go, not without self-isolating when she gets back to London. That's what happened the last twice she was meant to come here.

I think she should come home, and take unpaid leave for the 10 days if necessary afterwards.

If she doesn't get a break I think she'll crack up. She's had a terrible time. I think if they don't let her come home she might just walk out Sad and the NHS will lose yet another wonderful nurse.

OP posts:
ScalpHelp · 14/12/2020 17:44

London is her home now though. Realistically the logistics of coming to see you may be awkward with her shifts at work. If it’s easier for her to stay in London for Christmas, just let her.

ScalpHelp · 14/12/2020 17:47

If she’s 22, it’s doubtful she has worked at her place for over 2 years. She has little employment rights under 2 years of service. I know it’s NHS and they are hesitant to sack people, but I don’t think she wants to get on the wrong side of senior management so early into her career as her situation could even get worse.

I would pay for an instant COVID test in this situation, either end.

TeacupDrama · 14/12/2020 17:48

is she single if so she can be in a support bubble with you, and then can travel to stay, if she has support bubble in london it needs to be 14 days since she last saw them to forming new bubble however the Doctor would probably sign her off with stress if not had a break since March even NHS staff need a proper supportive break

laceyandcagney · 14/12/2020 17:49

My friends daughter is a police officer in London. Living in a shared house but they all keep themselves to themselves. She is working all over Christmas and first day off is 29th. She can't travel to see her family (both Tier 3 now). She can't risk it as she will be disciplined at work if she is caught for whatever reason. It's absolutely shit for anyone in this situation and I know her mum is very worried about her and the impact this will all have.

Derelictwreck · 14/12/2020 17:50

The window of dates is really to stop people from seeing one side of family for few days, then another, then friends etc. The risk to her seeing you is no greater on 28th than 27th.

Original poster
TurquoiseBaubles · 14/12/2020 17:56

London is not her home. She lives in a flat with two girls she works with, but they aren't really her friends (lots of turnover, so flatmates move in and out). Other friends she has in London she can't see because she works in a Covid ICU. If she hadn't volunteered to work Christmas she could have gone wherever she liked. It isn't fair.

She has access to instant Covid tests, but the hospital (ironically) don't accept them.

I actually think she wouldn't mind being sacked at this stage. She, and her colleagues, have been treated appallingly this year.

I know I'm ranting. I think she will actually pack in nursing if this goes on much longer which is a terrible waste. If she came home all she'd do it sleep for a week anyway, she just needs to get out of London and reset.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurquoiseBaubles · 14/12/2020 18:03

Sorry about your friend's daughter laceyandcagney. It just seems so unfair that office workers, students etc can all travel, but anyone working an essential job with antisocial hours and working over Christmas can't.

OP posts:
GaryTheDemon · 14/12/2020 18:07

I think she should go to you on 28th or could you go to her?

slipperywhensparticus · 14/12/2020 18:10

If she leaves on the last train on the 27th?

notalwaysalondoner · 14/12/2020 18:11

I 100% would let her come on 28th. As others have said, the window is really to avoid people being tempted to see too many different groups and travel too widely. If she’s only going to be seeing you then it’s fine. If you really wanted to reduce risk you could even go pick her up so she can avoid public transport (assuming as she’s young and in London she doesn’t have a car). Do it.

notalwaysalondoner · 14/12/2020 18:13

Just to point out - I’m on an educational course right now so am allowed to travel between my residential accommodation (tier 2) and my family at weekends (in tier 3) because it’s for educational purposes, then allowed to bubble with three families for Christmas. So the rationale of your daughter not travelling just because it’s a day late is non existent.

NerrSnerr · 14/12/2020 18:31

Even though I do agree she should come and see you on the 28th if none of you are vulnerable of course London is her home. She's a grown woman with a graduate job living where she works!

Pukkatea · 14/12/2020 18:34

My friend who is doing rotations during her medical degree has been told several times that she'd be in big trouble if she was found to have broken covid rules.

Mousehole10 · 14/12/2020 18:36

Yes London is her home! She’s grown up, chosen a career and moved out. She’s not a child anymore. That aside, usually I’d say yes, of course she should visit then but actually London is going into tier 3 this week, I think she should be sticking to the rules. Yes it sucks but everything has for so many this year.

Mousehole10 · 14/12/2020 18:37

@Pukkatea

My friend who is doing rotations during her medical degree has been told several times that she'd be in big trouble if she was found to have broken covid rules.
Yes I would hope those in NHS looking after vulnerable patients are following the rules. There should be repercussions for those that don’t.
Doidontimmm · 14/12/2020 18:40

Could you get an Airbnb and travel to her?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/12/2020 18:46

could she cancel the 28th and come home on 27th... otherwise @Doidontimmm had a good idea

Hayeahnobut · 14/12/2020 18:46

She's at breaking point and understandably so. She needs your support for mental health reasons and that is permitted within the rules.

For those who object, would you rather be cared for by an exhausted nurse (or get no care at all if that nurse has left), or would you like to see a nurse that has finally had a break, albeit seeing two low risk family members a week ago? If it's ok for it to happen on the 27th, why not the 28th?

yearinyearout · 14/12/2020 18:52

I would definitely be encouraging her to come back, she clearly needs a break.

BrummyMum1 · 14/12/2020 18:57

The rules are shit and they don’t make sense. But if I were you I would think of a way to support her and give her a break whilst sticking to the rules for the sake of her job and her professional registration. I’m sure she’s totally exhausted but she’ll have worked hard to qualify as a nurse and I wouldn’t encourage her to break any rules that jeopardise that.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 14/12/2020 18:58

If I were her I'd be calling in sick on the 27th and coming home.

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