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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to let 18yr old daughters boyfriend come round?

13 replies

tactum · 13/12/2020 22:19

OK so she is an adult. They are committed, . He is on a gap yr at home with Mum and Dad who are both wfh. Not going anywhere. She is in Y13 going to 6th form daily, but not socialising outside of that. In the latest lockdown I have let her go and see him but not asked many questions, which then evolved into her staying over there, but him not coming here. In my mind she's in a bubble of 250, he's not. The risk is for them, not us - and they are fine with it, have checked with parents.

But I can't let him come here - DS would argue that his best friend is as important to him as her boyfriend is to her being much longer lasting and I really don't want to mix more than necessary. DD thinks I'm being a bit mean.I'm sticking to my guns but it feels odd as she is essentially an adult. What do you think? I make her shower when she gets back before touching.

OP posts:

duploo · 13/12/2020 22:20

Really mean, and nonsensical too

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 13/12/2020 22:21

Mmmm, tricky one. Weigh up the risks. If she is spending time with him anyway and he is ok company I would welcome him to become part of your household for a while. Then not going against guidance.

Original poster

tactum · 13/12/2020 22:25

How nonsensical? She is effectively joining their household which has not mingled, whereas I have a 16 yr old DS who is in Y12 and therefore exposed. Also, how would I justify a boyfriend could come over but a best friend of DS for the last 6 years can't? I'm just trying to minimise risk/exposure

OP posts:

unicornparty · 13/12/2020 22:30

I'd be the same as you op.

Original poster

tactum · 13/12/2020 22:36

I actually expected people to say I was being outrageous allowing any contact at all

OP posts:

Dovesandkisses · 13/12/2020 22:43

It is breaking the law..... don't do it! This is exactly why we are still having high rates. Because people do what they want. Your daughter shouldn't be doing there and you are right in sticking to your guns and not invite him to yours.

ImAKaren · 13/12/2020 23:12

It's so hard and I don't know what to do for the best either. My 19yo fresher DD hasn't seen any friends, family or her boyfriend of a year for over 3 months due to travel restrictions from her uni town - it's been an incredibly difficult start for her being so far from home and loved ones. Of course she wants to spend time with them now she's back.
The friends she will have to see in the fresh air - but the boyfriend? In my view it's not realistic of the government to expect people to put their romantic relationships on ice for nearly a year (which is what it would have been if they'd followed the letter of the law when rates were low in the summer).
If either of them lived alone then it would be ok and they could bubble, but as they both live with their parents this isn't allowed. I personally would turn a blind eye to it - but then I expose the rest of my family to the rest of his family. But then I'm sending my other DC into school every day while rates are going up and up and up where we live, so what difference?

SquirtleSquad · 13/12/2020 23:18

Other than DD thinking you're being a bit mean, is it causing any issues for you at home?
I think if you're letting her go and stay there then there's no a whole lot of difference in him coming to you risk wise.
If they're shagging, kissing, cuddling, holding hands and sharing a bed there then if he has it he will pass it to her regardless and she will then bring it into your home that way.
Either let them mix or don't. Or suggest she goes and moves in with them for a while.

Bettydot · 13/12/2020 23:18

The longer everyone carries on thinking they rules don’t apply to them, the longer this will carry on, though I do understand why you’ve let her go there. Being a teenager must be so hard right now. By her only going there you reduce the risk, as if he starts coming to yours all of the rest of your family are exposed if he picks up the virus and likewise he risks picking it up from the rest of your family. The reduction in social contacts by her only going there reduces the risk. It’s a bit like parents not being allowed into schools and nurseries.

oldshoeuk · 13/12/2020 23:34

The law is pretty simple and it sounds like you are already breaking it. It has to be a judgement call for you, I would float between as you are now and more law breaking, but I'm just a reckless rebel.

snookercue · 13/12/2020 23:40

You can't let her boyfriend round because you won't let your sons friend round? Are you being serious? She is an adult.

How old is your DS?

I would take your point of she wasn't seeing him at all but it makes no sense to prevent him coming round because of a difference with DS

snookercue · 13/12/2020 23:41

@oldshoeuk

OP isn't breaking any rules.

duploo · 14/12/2020 08:32

I said nonsensical because the boyfriend coming to yours doesn't really increase your risk of contracting covid much more than your daughter going to the boyfriend's. And I don't think you'd have to say yes to your son just because you said yes to your daughter - different ages (one is an adult), and different levels of risk (small family that doesn't go out vs. son's friend's family).

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