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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so threatened by other mum

14 replies

MissMessy12 · 13/12/2020 22:05

I don’t know if IABU but I’ve developed a real resentment towards DD’s bf’s mum. I’ve never met her but she’s making me enraged.
DD16 has known this boy since she was 12 and it’s now become a relationship and she’s completely smitten.
He’s a real ‘bad boy’, smokes weed, been expelled from school, spoilt rotten comes from a wealthy background and now he works for his dads business.
His mum according to DD is really lovely and thoughtful, always gets her favourite foods in and treats DD as part of the family- which I am grateful for but I guess I feel so inadequate. His mum works, has an immaculate house, drives a top end car looks amazing and most importantly seems to have a very happy home life - DD say bf’s mum and dad are always laughing and there’s always a great atmosphere at home.
Recently bf took DD to town and bought her Christmas presents which included a £90 pair of trainers and some expensive perfume. BF’s mum will also put a goodie bag of ‘little gifts’ together for DD on Christmas Day so she has surprises!
I feel totally pissed off but not sure if it’s just me as bf mum hasn’t actually done anything wrong has she? Would she piss you off too?

OP posts:

LouiseTrees · 13/12/2020 23:04

She’s raised a spoilt bad boy who smokes weed. Have you raise a spoilt bad girl who smokes weed? If not then don’t be jealous of the mum.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 13/12/2020 23:08

She’s fucked up the one thing that really matters. Who would ever be jealous of that?

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 13/12/2020 23:11

Her 16 year old kid smokes weed don't be jealous OP.

nimbuscloud · 13/12/2020 23:13

In 4 years you have never met her? Why?

Wingedharpy · 13/12/2020 23:17

BF's family sound quite well off (though they could, in fact be up to their eyeballs in debt) so therefore it's quite easy to spend money on gifts and treats etc for your DD as well as paying someone else to keep your house clean and tidy.
Doing "nice" things is the easy bit of parenting.
What's not so easy is steering your child towards the "right" path so that they don't end up getting expelled from school, so they don't hang out smoking stuff that will upset their brain in later life etc etc.

Sounds like you feel a bit jealous of the other Mum, though, in reality, she probably feels a bit jealous of you - having raised a level headed young woman.
She's probably hoping some of the fruits of your labour will rub off on her son.👍

ktp100 · 13/12/2020 23:45

Jealousy isn't a good look on anyone.

Clearly their life isn't perfect considering their son is a bit of a shit so maybe you need to get to know the woman before you judge.

oldshoeuk · 14/12/2020 00:15

Every child that visits us wants to join our family and live with us because we are so cool and have such great lives, so much fun! Their families are boring and strict and no fun at all.

Strange really as our 2 DS want to move to all their places for the same reasons.

The visitors never see our 'dark side' cleaning, discipline, homework, arguing etc. When friends come we switch to happy hospitable entertaining mode, it doesn't last after the friends have left!

We've kept this up for years, I would guess their truth is similar. The only thing you can really do is give love and support to your kids, you seem to have done fine in that.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 14/12/2020 00:17

Everyone else's mum looks brilliant to a teenager. They are such arseholes sometimes!

GlummyMcGlummerson · 14/12/2020 00:18

Every child that visits us wants to join our family and live with us because we are so cool and have such great lives, so much fun! Their families are boring and strict and no fun at all.

Strange really as our 2 DS want to move to all their places for the same reasons.

Haha yes same here. It's the novelty of being somewhere new. Although my DD likes it when we have guests as I buy cake and "you never buy cake when it's just use"

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 14/12/2020 00:19

I’ve never met her but she’s making me enraged

This alone makes you unreasonable.

I think your bigger problem is speaking to your daughter about the kind of boy she is dating tbh

Commonwasher · 14/12/2020 00:29

She’s a novelty (a wealthy one but a novelty no less). Your daughter might just be enjoying being flavour of the month. Maybe BF’s mother doesn’t have daughters and enjoyed taking yours on a shopping trip. But she is, and will always be, your child and no amount of perfume will take that away.

Be friendly when you see her. Be positive about her when your daughter talks about her. It’s not worth driving wedges between you and your daughter or making trouble with a person you have never met (and might grow to like).

RosesAndHellebores · 14/12/2020 00:37

I wouldn't be worrying about the mother, I'd be worrying about what my 16 year old dd saw in a 16 year old boy who was spoilt, smoked weed, had been expelled from school and presumably had no or few qualifications. It doesn't get more f**d up.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 00:42

@RosesAndHellebores

This.

berrygirlie · 14/12/2020 01:41

OP, a bit of jealousy I think is natural especially when it comes to money. You want the best for yourself and your family. Just pay attention to the fact that having a level-headed and kind child is much more important and valuable than nice trainers. This relationship may last or it may not, so don't tie yourself up in knots worrying about the woman, everyone has their own demons to face.

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