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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend wants me to visit help please

27 replies

StormsDontLastForever · 13/12/2020 21:38

Friend wants me to visit her this week, I am still worried about covid although she isn't sticking to rules, she has asked me to pop over for a coffee, I have only started driving around 5 months ago and have been using that excuse as I haven't been confident. As terrible as that sounds I just like being at home on my own doing my own thing. Please can someone give me some good excuses, I don't want to just say no I'm not coming! Don't want to say I'm not going because of covid etc as she will suggest meeting in cafe or outside. Thanks

OP posts:

HTH1 · 13/12/2020 21:40

Aren’t you self-isolating after being contact traced?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 13/12/2020 21:41

Say, "Pandemic. Duh!" and leave it at that.

katy1213 · 13/12/2020 21:42

You don't need an excuse. Sorry, I can't. (Dry cough, if you must.)

Cheeseboardandmincepies · 13/12/2020 21:42

Sorry I don’t want too would be the best, but I’d go with self isolating.

Persephoned · 13/12/2020 21:42

Why don’t you want to see her? Because you’re nervous of driving? Because you’re worried about Covid and restrictions? Or because you’d just rather not? It’s not clear from your post so don’t really know what to suggest other than if you really don’t want to see someone you can just say no! But if she’s a friend can try and figure it out...

Halfofyou · 13/12/2020 21:44

Tell her you have a cough?

Ontheboardwalk · 13/12/2020 21:46

Agree tell your friend ‘Covid nope' but if you don’t want to go because of driving then you need to fix it

I had bump and was putting off driving. The more you drive the more confident you get.

Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 21:46

What is the actual reason that you don’t want to meet her?

Spied · 13/12/2020 21:50

Not feeling well- non-covid
Self isolation- you have a cough/no taste/ temp
Contact traced
Expecting a delivery whatever day she suggests
A friend is dropping something off for you the other day she suggests
Waiting for workmen for dodgy boiler the next day she suggests

Original poster

StormsDontLastForever · 13/12/2020 21:50

Sorry I should have been more clear in my op. No nothing to do with driving, just at the moment I'm a bit all over the place with depression and anxiety, I just love being in my own comfort zone not having to visit anyone or do anything at the moment if that makes sense. Haven't told anyone about the depression etc so now if I explain that she will probably see it as just an excuse and I don't want sympathy just for the sake of it. I just bottle things up and cope on my own way. Hope that all makes sense.

OP posts:

Xmassprout · 13/12/2020 21:53

If you're struggling with your mental health, do you think that it may do you some good to see a friend? The idea right now may seem too much, but sometimes it can help.

I speak from experience. Sometimes I just want to hide away and think ill feel better if I just stay home. But then ill force myself to spend time with someone else and I realise it was the anxiety and depression talking. I'm not saying that is the case, but would be worth considering

Calmandmeasured1 · 13/12/2020 23:08

I am still worried about covid although she isn't sticking to rules, she has asked me to pop over for a coffee
Whatever excuse you come up with, it will be just that, an excuse. She may then keep asking again. Better to just say that you would prefer to wait until after covid is behind us before you meet up. If you don't answer in such a way to stop her from asking, you will constantly be anxious about when she will next ask. Just be honest and direct.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 13/12/2020 23:14

if she is your friend, be honest about your health and why you don't feel up to meeting.

Scarby9 · 13/12/2020 23:21

Either be honest with her or, assuming ypu are not in Tier 1:
'Sorry, it's far too cold and wet for coffee outdoors - let's hang on until we go into Tier 1 or it warms up a bit - whichever comes first'.

BMW6 · 13/12/2020 23:24

Why not just say sorry, but I would prefer not to meet up with anyone for a good while ?

ktp100 · 13/12/2020 23:50

Why oh why oh why do so many people come here for white lies?!!

Just. Say. NO!

There is NOTHING wrong with just being honest and telling her you'd rather stay out of things until the spring at least. She's decided she doesn't want to stick to rules, you get to decide that you do.

There really is no need for 'excuses'.

Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 23:52

I agree with ktp100. Don't lie. You will end up pushing your friend away.

oldshoeuk · 14/12/2020 00:33

Given your depression/anxiety I would really beg you to go. Yes it will exhaust you mentally and physically and it might take at least a couple of days to recover from the stress.

In my experience staying behind locked doors in the safety zone is not the way to beat it, small bits of socialising, as much as you can will help loads.

You do not, and may well be better off not discussing your problems, just have a nice chatty coffee.

victoriaspongecake · 14/12/2020 01:47

This....

Yesterday 23:50 ktp100

Why oh why oh why do so many people come here for white lies?!!

Just. Say. NO!

There really is no need for 'excuses'.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2020 01:48

@ktp100

Why oh why oh why do so many people come here for white lies?!!

Just. Say. NO!

There really is no need for 'excuses'.

Exactly. Just say you really don't want to in the current circumstances. Even without the way you feel at the moment, why would you meet up with someone who isn't even keeping herself safe?

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 14/12/2020 02:46

@ktp100

Why oh why oh why do so many people come here for white lies?!!

Just. Say. NO!

There really is no need for 'excuses'.

This I've spent far too long being too nice/too much of a walk over to just say no, to the point where I have been roped into friendships with shitty people just because I couldn't say no to their constant insistence and pushing that we go for coffee, go for lunch, meet up regularly. Practice being firm.

LopsidedWombat · 14/12/2020 03:30

This will unnecessarily become 'a thing' if you make something up. If she is a decent friend she will understand if you just say that you aren't feeling yourself at the minute and would like to postpone making plans for a bit. Having said that, you might find that you feel much better if you say yes, even if you have to force yourself to do the getting ready and journey part. Suggesting a time and place yourself might make you feel a bit better about it?

DuzzyFuck · 14/12/2020 03:43

I agree with PP's and would actually urge you to go OP. I've been in the same situation wanting to hide away but when I did push outside my little comfort bubble it always did me a world of good. It's just a coffee, you don't have to talk about your issues, just see a friendly face and have a natter.

Holly60 · 14/12/2020 16:08

Go with self isolating because of a symptom or contact tracing. Then drop into the conversation that you are actually disappointed because you have been suffering from depression and anxiety and you felt that seeing her would have made you feel better. You could then text a week later and say your depression and anxiety is getting worse and making you anxious about going out. Make her your confidant and drip feed how you are feeling. she will be pleased you trust her and next time you say no you can tell the truth and it won’t be a surprise to her.

CrotchBurn · 14/12/2020 16:24

Just do a semi ghosting

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