Is it possible to have a stable/secure home when renting privately?

[couldntgiveaflyingfudge]

I've posted before about stbx and my plans to leave. Currently, I'm waiting for a bidding number to apply for council housing. Embarrassing as it may be to admit, I don't believe I'll ever be in a position financially to buy a home, unless there is suddenly a windfall or I write the next Harry Potter.

All of that is just for context, please note I'm only asking for advice. I am desperate to leave ASAP but I am too nervous to go to a women's refuge with my toddlers. It's been very distressing recently as every day it seems things are getting worse. In my dream scenario, I'd get a bidding number tomorrow, win a bid on Tuesday and be moved in to the new house/flat by the weekend. I just want some stability for my children. They've been through enough.

Recently an opportunity has arisen whereby I would be able to afford a deposit for a privately rented place. That of course also would mean a credit check (?) which I would probably fail, but barring that potential snag, here's my concern;

I understand that at times, property owners/landlords decide they want or need their house back. If that's the standard across the board, then I'm not convinced it would be a good idea to rent privately, as I wouldn't want to settle into a home with my children and then have to up and leave after two years.

Is there anything here that I'm missing that I could do? Are there some landlords that guarantee tenancies? Is there any way that this 'deposit money' can help me towards moving away? I need to add that I would be paying rent via benefits in this scenario because I'm currently a SAHM and my children are nowhere near school age yet. Next year I can use the 30hrs nursery but until then, what can I do?

If you've read this far then thank you.

I private rented for years and never had issues and felt very secure - the occasional inspection but never had notice of a landlord trying to get the property back early....BUT I was a very good and reliable tenant in full time employment

Lots of landlords don't like to take tenants who don't work sorry....how old are your children as if you aren't working your be entitled to free childcare hours at age 2 rather than waiting for them to turn 3?

You'll probably struggle to find a landlord who will rent to you if you're unemployed and claiming benefits. I know that's the case around where I live anyway.
Loads of parents rent because it's the only option for many people for one reason or another and our kids are just fine 🙄

A lot of landlords really like to have a long term tenant (as long as they are a good tenant of course).

I've rented out a flat for nearly 20 years now and I've never asked a tenant to leave. I much prefer the long stayers.

Ask your landlord how long they have been renting out the property and are they looking for long term tenants. Hopefully you will get an honest reply. If they are a new landlord it would be hard for them to know if this is long term for them. If they're a long standing, seasoned landlord they will probably be very happy to also have a long term tenant.

I’ve been renting for decades - due to income etc. I have small children. I don’t like renting but most of the time it is fine.

We did have to move once when the landlord decided to move back into the property. However, it was manageable- we just found another house around the corner. It wasn’t a huge upheaval.

Me and my husband are both full time employed, with two kids, and good renters. Always pay on time, house kept clean (not show room tidy) and rarely contact any landlords. We have moved house 7 times in 7 years and never through our own choice, nearly always because the landlord has decided they want to sell, once because of a marriage breakdown and husband needed house to live in. Our own experience of private renting is that it isn’t stable and the landlord can pretty much give you two months to move out whenever, especially after the initial tenancy period

Iv been in my private rental for 13 years now OP. It's most definitely our home.

I think you have massively lost perspective.

Keeping your children in the perpetual unsafeness (mental not just physical) of an abusive home because you are worried a private landlord may hypothetically disrupt your "stability" two years down the line?

An abusive home is not stable.

Come on.

I had to move out of rented three times due to landlord selling. Timing of one of them was really bad for us. We’d been in that one five years and weren’t expecting it. Two of those times we were given the opportunity to buy it before they put it on the market but weren’t in a position to do so. Unfortunately it will always be a possibility in rented.

You aren't likely to be given a high priority bidding position whilst still living with abusive partner. I was in a similar position and I had to literally walk out with the kids. We ended up in an emergency b&b and then houses pretty quickly.

Its a huge issue being unemployed and looking for private rentals. Its all stacked against you

Having said that - as PP says, this is not a reason to stay where you are. The inconvenience of having to move now and again is nothing compared to your current situation.

@user42579522

I think you have massively lost perspective.

Keeping your children in the perpetual unsafeness (mental not just physical) of an abusive home because you are worried a private landlord may hypothetically disrupt your "stability" two years down the line?

An abusive home is not stable.

Come on.

This.

As gently as possible, and probably for understandable reasons your priorities are warped. Any accommodation, however "unstable", that doesn't contain an abusive man, is far better for a child. A hostel with you would be a better option.

I know several families who have always privately rented mainly due to lack of capital. There are plenty of landlords who like the security of a regular income from a family.

If you're not working it will be harder. But there are ways around it. And to reiterate, anything is better than remaining in an abusive home.

I rented for a few years and like a pp I moved pretty much every year for 6 years. The last move was to a permanent home with my DH. It’s not just the stability aspect, many state you can’t put pictures up etc. and I had a battle with one place to be allowed to have internet and sky fitted (they did agree in the end, realising it would be more attractive to future tenants). HA or council would be far better IMO as it’s a secure tenancy (as I understand it) but I know in most areas they can be few and far between.

So....You have bad credit and no steady income. Very few private landlords would touch you. Including me

Can you phone womens aid? Once you're homed by them you would become a priority for council housing

I rented 5yrs before getting a permanent place. Before that I moved a couple times fairly quickly, one after 4mths due to damp and another after 9mths due to landlord selling. The impact of moving was definitely minimised by not owning much stuff. When all your furniture is small (so you can be sure it fits in the next place) and easily dismantled for transport, and other possessions are bought with a minimalist vibe, so you can fit everything in one large van then moving doesn't feel half so much hassle. You'd get higher priority for a council house if you go into a refuge though.

In your shoes OP I would go down the refuge route because it’s the quickest and cheapest way you will get rehoused. In your situation I wouldn’t recommend private housing.

It will be more expensive for you and benefits most likely won’t cover the full rent also you don’t work currently so consider if you do decide to private rent once you start work you will have to cover your rent yourself.

I've lived in both council housing (as a kid) and private. In all honesty, I think I felt more stable in council, and we had a lot more freedom to decorate and make the place ours. I didn't particularly mind private renting, but I did also feel slightly unstable. Hated not being able to deal with issues myself, put a picture up, paint a wall, go through various parties to sort stuff out etc. Luckily, we're in marriage quarters now, so have loads more freedom and more stability.

I rented a property from a private landlord for over 10 years.

Look out for someone who has lots of properties and treats it as a business rather than an accidental landlord renting because they can't sell.

There's a discretionary housing payment you can apply for from your local council that can help toward a deposit/first months rent in advance.

There are other grants available and also a fund for white goods and furniture.

Look up some local organisations that offer support to survivors of domestic violence or your local cab.

There is help and support available to you. All the best

I've had tenants in one house for eight years and another for three. You can ask for a two year or more lease, but there's always a break clause, which is for your benefit as we as the landlord.
The fact remains that there are no guarantees. But I've had more tenants leave me than I've asked them to leave.

I hardly ever post on here but I would definitely advise you contact women’s Aid. A close friend did this several years ago whilst in a dreadful domestic situation and was given so much support including legal advice as well as help with long term housing on top of immediate help to get her into secure temporary accommodation They were absolutely incredible and it was definitely the best way forward for her and her small children. She’s doing just fine now. It was incredibly difficult for her to leave but once she made that decision things did improve massively for her.

I grew up in rented housing and frequent moves and my kids are having the same experience (not through choice) however I learnt from my mum that the home is the people and their traditions and routines not the property. You can create a loving home that will move with you if you have to move house. Once you get on your feet and can afford it going unfurnished and choosing your own furniture, curtains, rugs, plants etc can help it to feel the same as the house before, but it's not essential. Renting can give you freedom too, it's not always in the landlords hands we've often chosen to move to a better property/location, if they won't repair the boiler, bad neighbours, want a garden etc look for a better place. Now it's illegal for them to charge application and other moving fees it's even easier.

I really appreciate the advice, thank you.

For anybody who has said that my priorities are warped or I'm being daft, please understand - I'm currently at breaking point. I can't think straight, my eating and sleep has been heavily affected for weeks. I feel like I don't know which way is up. I don't know if it's best that DC wake up in their own beds as long as I can manage the surrounding atmosphere. I'm not at risk of physical violence so I constantly question why I deserve a place over somebody who is. In the kindest way possible, please, leave me alone. I'm struggling to cope enough as it is. Every day I'm being criticised at home for my poor thinking skills. I don't need this here as well. Please stop.

Don’t be put off by the term hostile or refugee they are not that bad. I have a couple of friends who have lived in both and got rehoused quickly

I private rented for 6 years and the flat definitely felt like home. My landlords wouldn't have made much of a profit selling it (it was a horrid location above a takeaway with no parking space) so they were happy to rent it to me as long as I wanted it. I was lucky enough to buy a house this year but I have fond memories of the flat. I was also on benefits when I moved in, they just wanted a guarantor.

If your children are toddlers, they really won't remember any time spent in a refuge now. Everything seems better when you're not living in fear