Pit of despair

[Laviefroide]

I'm not in a good place at the moment.

I'm quite unwell (not Covid) and have no energy. I mainly want to sleep, or sit on the sofa watching crap. I'm just about managing to make myself food, but it's a big effort and I don't have much of an appetite. I'm losing weight.

I'm depressed, although perhaps not clinically. My mood is very low. I'm on my own (that is properly on my own, not with children). No partner. (Was seeing someone, but he finished it recently.)

I have no motivation to do anything - I mean that almost literally. I'm not going out, not looking after myself and my home is getting progressively dirtier and more untidy, although at the moment it's not horrendous.

I can't go and visit anyone for obvious reasons. I can't exercise as I'm not well enough. I'm not in anyone's bubble. I know this sounds very "woe is me", but I'm starting to get concerned about how fast I'm sinking. I'm already on anti-depressants. Everything seems so dark and pointless. I'm also very anxious about everything.

I'm not even sure what I'm hoping anyone can say. Maybe I just have to wait for this to pass. My illness should improve, although it could take a few more weeks and I may need some unpleasant investigations to find out the cause.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

Anyone??

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, OP. I'm in the same situation (single, no kids), but I'm enjoying the lockdown. Hopefully someone who is less of an introvert will come along soon and offer some advice.

I’m not sure what you’re asking, really. It does sound like a very tough time. Perhaps you should just give yourself time to be ill whilst you wait for the illness to pass, instead of worrying about the things you aren’t doing? Do you need to push someone for investigations into the cause of the illness?

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's a grim place to be in mentally but it will get better; in time you feel like your old self again.

It certainly sounds like classic depression, how is your relationship with your gp?
I think they should be your first port of call, they can tweak your meds - you might need the dose adjusting or a different type. You can respond very differently to different medications so it's worth a try.
They could also refer you for counselling/therapy services which lots of people find very helpful.

How about friend and family support? Even if you're not up to socialising it's important to keep lines of communication open so that they can be there for you in the way you need and when you're ready. It's been really hard on mental health during covid and the isolation makes everything's much worse. Can you reach out? A phone call, regular message check ins from them can make all the difference and of you're not able to cook for yourself and or clean they could gently help with this to make sure you're looked after.

Samaritans are also available 24/7 - you can call them on 116 123 (www.samaritans.org)

I've assumed you're in the UK but there are charities in other countries that offer the same service, let us know if you'd like us to look them up for you.

Go easy on yourself and treat yourself kindly. It will take time but you will come through this

P.S. your GP or consultant for your health condition may also be able to help if it's getting you particularly down or has become difficult to manage. Illness as well as the breakup - it's no wonder you're going through this.

You definitely sound clinically depressed, please speak to your doctor. They should be able to change your meds or increase the dose if it's not doing it's job.

@Readr

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, OP. I'm in the same situation (single, no kids), but I'm enjoying the lockdown. Hopefully someone who is less of an introvert will come along soon and offer some advice.

I'm no extrovert, but almost total solitude is not doing me any good.

@AnathemaPulsifer

I’m not sure what you’re asking, really. It does sound like a very tough time. Perhaps you should just give yourself time to be ill whilst you wait for the illness to pass, instead of worrying about the things you aren’t doing? Do you need to push someone for investigations into the cause of the illness?

I suppose I'm asking how to cope when I have neither the physical nor mental energy to do anything to look after myself.

I've already let myself off the hook with just about everything - even ordering Christmas presents on-line yesterday stressed me out.

No, I have tests booked in a few weeks and further investigations will be booked if necessary depending on those results.

Thanks, everyone. Sounds like I should speak to my GP again.

I'm in fairly regular contact with family, but they can't offer any practical help at the moment.

I understand OP. I'm on my own with 2 children. I worked from home for 4 months saw no one, apart from their dad briefly when he picked up/dropped off. I said then that I could easily see how people became uncontrollably anxious/depressed and stopped going out. My saving grace was the children, there s a certain amount I HAD to do, because of them. I dobt know if I would have done for myself.

Try watching/reading things that are feel good, happy, funny.

Are you able to go out walking, if so do, every day if you can.

Speak to people on the phone.

I hope you feel better soon.

@Laviefroide
Take things hour by hour if you need to and don't beat yourself up for not being able to manage what you usually would, or even basic things.

Just do those little things that make you feel better. Good luck with your GP, please let us know how you get on

[quote TaraR2020]@Laviefroide
Take things hour by hour if you need to and don't beat yourself up for not being able to manage what you usually would, or even basic things.

Just do those little things that make you feel better. Good luck with your GP, please let us know how you get on [/quote]
Thanks. I've already decided I'm not going to try to write Christmas cards, even though the rational side of me thinks it's ridiculous I can't even manage to do that.

I've just realised I already have a doctor's appointment booked for Wednesday morning which was originally to discuss my low energy, so I will speak to her then.

Oh OP I've been there and I know it's shit Is there anything at all you can do that's really easy but still feels like a bit more than just sleeping or watching TV? Maybe something like reading a trashy novel or audiobook? I had an illness years ago that totally wiped me out to the point where I couldn't even read, so if that feels like too much at the moment then I get it, but if you can manage it then it might help you feel a bit more like you've done something with your day.

If you can afford it then it might also be an idea to look into getting a cleaner for a couple of hours a week (or fortnight), or even for say half a day as a one-off. If you're already struggling with day to day tasks it makes it even harder when you haven't got clean workspaces and dishes and things to start with. I've never used them myself but a lot of people also seem to rate those meal kit boxes you can get delivered, like Hello Fresh and the like - again they're pretty expensive so it depends on your financial circumstances, but could be a way to keep eating a reasonable diet that's less effort than having to prepare everything from scratch. Perhaps your family could help you set up something like this if it feels like too much to organise for yourself.

Does the depression pre-date the physical illness or has it been caused by being exhausted all the time, do you think?

Is there anything at all you can do that's really easy but still feels like a bit more than just sleeping or watching TV?

I'm trying to do one or two small tasks a day. Today I have managed to floss my teeth and water a plant. Yesterday I ordered some Christmas presents and filled in an insurance form.

Does the depression pre-date the physical illness or has it been caused by being exhausted all the time, do you think?

Predates by a long way, but feeling both physically and mentally exhausted has just set up a viscious cycle, I think.

Re. food, I'm mainly taking things out of the fridge/freezer and putting them in the oven, and trying to make sure there's some sort of vegetable component. My current diet isn't going to win any prizes, but it's better than junk food.

A cleaner is a nice idea, but I'd be too embarrassed for someone to come into my flat at the moment.

Gp is definitely the way to go, it genuinely sounds like you need an assessment by a professional to see if there is some underlying issues. I have partner and 2 kids but like you I am just hanging in by a thread. My levels of activity are practically zero (outside of school run) I've put on a huge amount of weight since March, the house is a tip (I am talking filth) kids (and myself) on devices constantly and its all just a bit too much at the moment. I know I need to get a hold of myself! Please do not be too hard on yourself, you are reaching out for help and I promise you are not alone. There are lots of people out there experiencing the same

Right my love - a bit of tough love here. You need to cook yourself a proper meal tonight if you can. Balanced with lots of veggies. Then you need to drink a big glass of water. Once you’ve done that you need to make a list of the jobs you are going to do tomorrow to get your house back in order. You also need to go shopping for healthy and nutritious food if you don’t have any in the house. Then run yourself a warm bath tonight and listen to some relaxing music before reading or whatever you enjoy. Then an early night and early to rise in the morning.

I completely understand that some of this may not be possible if you are ill but try to keep in with the spirit of it. No more moping lovely, keep yourself busy!

And speak to the doctor tomorrow too.

Best of luck to you

Set a timer for 15 minutes and start the dishes. When the timer stops you can stop. You'll probably keep gping though.

Listening to podcasts makes me feel less alone - tv doesnt. I particularly like the guilty feminist and my dad wrote a porno for this. It feels like hanging out with friends. Might be worth a shot?