For a while now I've realised that my family have little interest in me. They don't ask me questions about my job or life and when I try to engage them on either they look bored or block any hope of expanding on what I'm saying with a conversation stopper like, 'Did you? That reminds me, remember so and so who used to work in Tesco...' and that's the end of that.
I've recently had a change of career (a massive step for a quiet person like myself) which requires a lot of study and lots to talk about! I love it and would love to tell my family how I'm doing but every time I try their interest is very limited. They might allow one or two sentences from me before I get another conversation stopper. They love talking about their own interests, work, gossip. All of which I engage in and ask loads of questions (except the gossip as that's a little nasty). I often wonder how they respond when they're out and about and people ask about me. I doubt they could tell them much as they never listen. They don't even know what my degree is in.
My sister, however, is treated differently. She lives an hour away, visits twice a year and my family thrive on those visits. They ask about her job, life, boyfriend, make tea and bake beforehand. When I visit I'm told to put the kettle on. Make your own tea. Oh you haven't washed up your cup have you? That sort of thing. I visit once a fortnight for an hour and even then I'm made to feel I've outstayed my welcome. My mother will often yawn as I'm talking! I feel I'm being conditioned or trained not to talk about myself as it goes nowhere and I come home feeling upset that they have no interest in me. It's been this way for years. My mother has even criticised my clothes and appearance (I wear smart/casual and mostly tie my hair back) and have been compared to my sister who wears power suits and has beautifully straightened hair. I get on well with my sister but can't help feeling sad that we're treated differently. They'd never speak to her the way they speak to me. They change completely when she visits. She's treated like a guest. Even their voices and mannerisms take on a formal air. They never visit her. She doesn't allow that. I always leave fairly early into her visits so they can have their time with her uninterrupted. They will talk about this visit for months afterwards saying how well she looks, how happy and successful she is etc.
My sister went years without speaking to them. We always kept in touch though. Although we've never discussed it, I think my sister realises as I do that our family is not like others. Now she's been back in touch with them for the past few years and it's all on her own terms. She visits. They don't. It's like she's trained THEM.
I was watching Strictly last night. It was lovely to hear Maisie call her mum her best friend. I've never had this. I've tried but my mother isn't affectionate at all. She never rings me either. I probably need counselling but hate the thought of actually telling someone about this as it'll make it all real. I've buried this hurt for years. I do have wonderful friends who love asking me about my life. I just feel sad that my family seem so distanced from me. AIBU to want more from them or should I just accept that this is all I'll ever get?