to think DH is being a bit too optimistic about celebration next year?

[Echobelly]

DD's bat mitzvah was due to happen June this year, we've been able to move to end of next June as synagogue was starting to allow girls to have their at 13 (for parity with boys, rather than 12 as previously) from next year anyway.

DH still seems to think we're going to be able to hav 100+ guests by then, and while I reckon things will have improved, I think we'll be lucky if we can even get to 50. They did start have small, socially distanced BMs at synagogue allowing 20 guests (which just about covers our close family, thankfully) when national rules allow, so that should be our bare minimum, but I'm not convinced they'll permit a great deal more by next summer, even with a vaccine as distancing will still be there and the room isn't getting any bigger. We'll basically want to send invites late March and I'm not sure how clear things will be by then. Probably not very.

The problem is the bulk of planned guests are DH's mates, and they're all quite interlinked, so as soon as you get past his best mate, then suddenly it's 100+ people once you include everybody's kids because you can't invite A, and not invite B, C and D etc etc and I think he's going to have to think less in terms of everyone he could possibly invite, and more about who he can invite as a core if permitted - people will be understanding, I think, that we've had to restrict numbers.

I’d go for immediate family only. I’d not want to be responsible for holding a huge event and then finding out it had spread the virus. It would taint the happy occasion.

Do his friends just want a party or are they all truly interested in the event for your DD.

I think we might be able to go slightly beyond immediate family by then, but I think priority outside family should be DD's friends (if that's what she wants). I'm prepared to leave my friends out - hardly any of them are Jewish and as I still don't think we'll be able to show them a normal synagogue experience it wouldn't be as meaningful.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss - I think his friends, certainly the closest circle, are genuinely interested to support DD.

What's wrong with being optimistic and hoping for the best?

Absolutely no reason to worry about something that can change and is so far in the future

I agree with you, priority outside family should be DD's friends.

Why not just let them know its planned and the event will be subject the restrictions at the time. You'd like to invite them but can't until you know closer to the time. I'm sure your friends (and DH's) will understand and still be supportive.

Personally, I think by June you probably could do it although depending on how the vaccine roll out happens it may be that there are different rules for vaccinated people vs those who haven't. But right now things are too unclear.

I do think by March when you'd need to send out the invites that it will be clearer and you'll have a better idea. We'll know, for example, by then exactly how quickly vaccinations are happening and where there are failures. There should be enough people vaccinated that if there are going to be systems in place for those who are vaccinated vs those who aren't we'll have a sense of what those might look like.

I do think we might send save the date to a wider group, letting people know it is subject to change. But think it would be a good idea to sort out sooner rather than later what our guest list will be in plan A, B and C , so that if things do change at late notice we don't have to work everything out on the hoof. Trouble is I can't do that, as so much of the list is his mates, really it has to be his call, which means pinning him down to do it!

There may be Zoom element anyway, as DH has a lot of family abroad, and not sure many will be able to commit to travel.

I think it is being optimistic. I understand the wish and indeed welcome anyone wanting to be supportive at such an important event in their life, but better to be able to invite someone nearer the time than have to say no to them at some point.

I think DDs friends should take priority. In a country where one major political party has been guilty of anti-semitism, even more important young people take part and attend/support a bat or bar mitzvah.

I am actually a pretty optimistic person - but I'm also a realist and realistically large gatherings are probablty still not be on the cards next year, though maybe, as in countries where COVID was managed better, gatherings of slightly larger numbers might be allowed (say 50), at least during the warmer months