To wish we can offload about stuff without the inevitable whataboutery

[CandidaAlbicans2]

I'm so fed up of threads being hijacked by "but XYZ is just as bad" rather than addressing the issue, eg

"I'm so sick of the Tory government doing XYZ"
"But Labour..."

"I'm sick of my neighbour's cats shitting in my vegetable patch"
"But dogs rip children's faces off"

"I'm sick of the sheer amount of male on female domestic abuse, sexism/inappropriate comments..."
"Not all men are like that", "women do those things too"

"Fed up of lorries taking ages overtaking each other on motorways, effectively turning them into dual carriageways"
"But car drivers..."

I can't remember a single discussion anywhere where at least one person didn't do the whataboutery. It's so tiresome, and can be really insensitive when posters are obviously so fed up about something and just need to be heard such as the topic is about M on F abuse.

I prefer whataboutery to replying to a thread with “why do you care?” or “is this all you have to worry about?”. If a thread is too trivial for you and you have nothing substantive to say, just ignore it.

@SomewhereEast totally agree about Four Yorkshireman types and it does fascinate me when this happens.

The silent stars it depends on what is said. Their are times comments are not really important/necessery and times they add to healthy debate. I have seen people been accused of whataboutary simply because they have a different point of view. But the sielet stars example is a good example of derailment.

@HitthatroadJack

*Monty Python memories of being shoeless and homeless is another. The whatabouters don't have the intelligence to form a counter argumen*

who are you to pretend that posters are not allowed to bring their personal experience in the discussion?

The starving children comment on a wrapping paper thread is funny, because it has nothing to do with anything

A counter argument based on their personal experience is perfectly valid. Most arguments are based on the poster's experience! At least it's honest.

Because what is being talked about here isn't "but this happened to me". It's: teacher: I'm so tired and run ragged whatabouter: whatabout soldiers defusing landmines. It's as if they go looking for the most absurd non comparison.

Lot of the situations dont actually call for a comparison though. Thats the issue
That’s the thing isn’t it, and why it jars so much at times.

Sometimes it almost seems pointless to post anything trivial as you know within 20 replies someone will have lectured you and patronisingly asked if that's all you have to worry about.
Oh god, yes, that’s such a dim response. Of course it’s highly unlikely that the poster only worries about [trivial issue] and, as I’ve often pointed out, it’s more than possible to hold views on multiple subjects, some of which will be “first world problems”.

It depends on the thread. If it’s a discussion type thread, then comparisons are appropriate to give some balance to a subject...
Agree. I love a good debate, it’s great to hear about contrasting views and experiences as it creates a more balanced outlook.

...But if the OP is looking to provide women with the opportunity to share their experiences of male violence, then it’s completely inappropriate to say ‘women can be abusers, too,’ and it’s clearly purely an attempt to shut down women’s voices through ‘whataboutery’.
Yes, I found it particularly offensive in that thread. The whataboutery seemed so insensitive and just undermined the awful experiences of the posters. It wasn't a debate style thread.

Sometimes comparisons are appropriate and provide perspective, other times not. Sometimes 'whataboutery' is used to shit down conversation. Equally posters who accuse others of 'whataboutery' are also trying to shut down conversation and opposing views.
It all depends on the specific conversation.

I think best to start a thread about have a moan (no solutions or advice needed)

People use comparison (hate the phrase 'whataboutery', too often used as an excuse not to engage with what has been said) to try and help you put your problems into perspective.

Exactly. ‘Oh, it’s whataboutery’ is simply a way of refusing to answer the counterpoint in a way the person saying it feels will make them look intelligent.

You can't even say you think supermarkets should close on Boxing day without someone posting well what about my mother, she is a doctor and on call Boxing Day. It's hardly comparable is it?

Well yes, on call doctor to cashier IS a ridiculous comparison, but if we’re using the retail on Boxing Day example, I DO think it’s perfectly valid to say ‘What about bar and restaurant staff, people who work in cinemas and theatres etc.?’ It always amuses and frustrates me in not-quite-equal measure to see how many people on those threads think they’re being super-generous by saying ‘I’m sure we can manage without shopping for one day so that retail workers can have a nice meal out or a lovely trip to the panto with their children’.

posters come from all level too. What YOU think is irrelevant, they might not agree with.

Posters seem stuck on expecting everyone to have the same level of intelligence/education/ knowledge. See the ironic "grammar police" who can't even see some posters are not even native English. By the same token, some posters are a lot brighter than you think YOU are (or me, that wasn't a dig).

You are allowed to dislike some comments, but it's not up to you to decide what is acceptable or not.

Being reminded that you're lucky because there are people much worse off than you doesn't really help when you're feeling shit.

Depends what the circumstances are.

Being stuck in hospital with invasive treatment is pretty shit.

Passing out in despair about being imprisoned during the lockdown in a country allowing unlimited outings and having escaped from a real lockdown needs a reality check.

It’s not what about wry, it’s a way of trying to put across a point of view, to make the poster understand they may be in dire straights, or upset about something, but they are not the only one

That in turn may make them think about whatever it is and realise they could do x y or a, or that in fact they are not as bad off as they think

Personally it would depress me further if everyone said yes op you are so right, and offer no further thought

Whataboutary not wry

So true,true,spot on 😂😂😂@SomewhereEast
I like your Yorkshire man sketch idea reminds me of two Ronnie's comedy TV show I used to watch as a kid.

Op I agree with you partly,
I think it would be incredibly Naïve to expect differently, as its only human nature to compare, Competive misery stories be judgemental at times bit that subjective depends on what topic is about etc.
Also gaining perspectives gives insight why some one thinks differently even if puzzling/bit odd weird or think wrong to think that way.
Be quite boring/bland like vanilla if everybody thought the same.
Sometimes having a bit of spice as long as Authentic not being controversial for sake of it, that's Ok too.

@OhWhyNot

I think best to start a thread about have a moan (no solutions or advice needed)

There would still be posters giving advice and "not all..." or "but what about...". It happens even in threads that are clearly just OPs offloading and looking for solidarity.

Personally it would depress me further if everyone said yes op you are so right, and offer no further thought

Exactly, I agree @Chloemol! It would be like saying, 'There's no hope for you, you poor cow!'. I want to be cheered up with a solution or given some perspective showing my situation is not actually that bad! I don't really want feeling terrible to be validated, I want to find the light at the end of the tunnel, a way out.

Yes, if someone said, 'We'll, it's your own fault, what do you expect?' that would hurt but offering a comparison for perspective or a new solution to my problem is welcome once I've got to the stage of confiding in someone. However, I don't like venting for venting's sake. It generally makes me feel worse. I prefer to distract myself whilst I work through issues. Then at least I can enjoy myself whilst having problems to solve.