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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don’t love my partner anymore

18 replies

alisha556655 · 13/12/2020 11:04

I can’t deal with her. I just can’t deal with the constant insecurities, depression, suicidal thoughts from her side 😭The whole “I’m gonna kill myself, I’m done with everyone, I’m shutting everyone out” type snaps and messages every single night. I’m drained, I’m sick of it. I don’t know how to help. I’m struggling myself because of other reasons, mainly because I’ve fucked something up with a friend and I just don’t need it.

I can’t fucking do this

OP posts:

Original poster

alisha556655 · 13/12/2020 11:06

She refuses to seek help, I’m really stressed

OP posts:

ILoveYoga · 13/12/2020 11:09

Sometimes OP you need help on how to cope/extricate yourself from these type of toxic relationships so that you can move on guilt free

If your partner is refusing to get help for herself, get help for you and move on.

user1471462428 · 13/12/2020 11:09

Talk to her. Tell her everything you wrote here. The time to be happy is now.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 13/12/2020 11:11

How draining for you OP - always think if someone brings more misery than joy, time to walk away.

VettiyaIruken · 13/12/2020 11:12

It's ok to put yourself first.
It sounds like you are at breaking point. You can only keep going so long. If you need to leave for the sake of your own mental health, then do.

Caramel81 · 13/12/2020 11:16

Don’t let her make you feel responsible for her actions. If she truly wants to commit suicide and is refusing to seek any sort of help then you absolutely must not feel guilty for her behaviour. She is being very manipulative and emotionally blackmailing you if she keeps threatening things like that and not going through with it.
I suggest you start setting the wheels in motion to leave her behind and move on with your life. It sounds like you have exhausted yourself trying to help her so it’s now time to focus on your own life and happiness. Being with someone who is at rock bottom and doesn’t want to attempt to help themselves is utterly draining and will ruin your life

Original poster

alisha556655 · 13/12/2020 11:29

A few nights ago (thursday), her friend had to calm her down from killing herself. I’m no good at it tbh, I’m always lost for words and she’ll sulk and say she’s gonna shut everyone out. She said she doesn’t wanna open up to a mental health profession because she feels weak when talking about her trauma. That same day she said to me I will shut you out again because Im not risk getting hurt and my feelings aren't hurt for you being brief last night”, she was being odd with me saying she’s gonna shut me out and that it’s her decision to, I asked her why she was being weird and she was asking how she was being weird, then she was being emotional with me apologised a day later for it.

She knows I’m dealing with something else and told me at 3am that she didn’t wanna burden me with her issues when I’ve got things on myself. She’s being supportive but like it’s like dealing with a BPD person

OP posts:

Original poster

alisha556655 · 13/12/2020 11:30

And I’m one of the reasons she’s alive as well

OP posts:

RoomOfRequirement · 13/12/2020 12:11

How old are you both? Because you sound 12.

Break up with her. If you're worried, tell her parents so they can keep an eye on her.

Sparklesocks · 13/12/2020 12:14

It sounds really difficult OP. And it also sounds like it’s impacting on your mental well-being too, so maybe it’s the right time to walk away as hard as that is. Sometimes there’s only so much we can do.

Gardeniaofdelights · 13/12/2020 12:31

You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm, OP.

It’s ok for you to break up with her to protect your own health and well-being.

katy1213 · 13/12/2020 12:35

She sounds very manipulative. I'd leave her to it.

funfunfunfunfun · 13/12/2020 12:38

What support apart from you does she have in her life? Who does she live with?

1FootInTheRave · 13/12/2020 12:50

Manipulative and hard work.

Get rid.

MandosHatHair · 13/12/2020 12:54

You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm, OP

That is such a good way of putting it. She has to to want to help herself to get better, you can't force her to seek professional help. You are allowed to seek out your own happiness.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/12/2020 13:22

How old are you both? Because you sound 12.

Is that really necessary? Ironically, your own post is extremely immature. Someone has posted this thread asking for help. If you don't feel OP is worthy of that help you can easily scroll on past.

OP: you sound at the end of your rope with a partner who is draining your energy as well as trying to make her happiness and wellbeing your responsibility. This isn't within your (or for that matter anyone's) gift. At the very least a bit of distance would be advisable so you can regroup.

People have to want to help themselves, and taking you down into that darkness with her will help neither of you. You're currently trying to put on someone else's oxygen mask before fitting your own, and are now finding you are suffocating. Find some space to breathe.

Viviennemary · 13/12/2020 13:24

Just call it a day. Your partner sounds toxic. You need to consider your own health and well being.

Astella22 · 13/12/2020 13:29

You can’t help her she can only help herself. No matter how much you want to help and make it better you cannot. Pandering to her is just enabling the behaviour and prolonging the time it takes her to realise she needs professional help. You need to consider your own happiness and understand the effect something like this has on you.

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