Sympathy has run out for alcoholic DM

[untiedairlines]

She lies and lies. Commits to various counselling, therapies and programmes. Doesn’t follow through. Ultimately she doesn’t think she has a problem and it’s just us overreacting. Until the next time she’s found unconscious and bleeding by her cleaner or gardener and the cycle begins again.

I am exhausted by it but it’s my poor DSis who lives much closer who bears the brunt. The guilt trips are awful but when can we say enough is enough. I don’t want to see her at Christmas. I can’t play nice with her and my DC knowing that she’ll be dying to get home and have a drink. DBro (conveniently lives in another country) thinks DSis and I are being too harsh and that we should believe her every time she promises she will change.

Maybe I don’t mean sympathy. Patience?

How convenient for him.

To continue to believe a lie told over and over is pretty much the true meaning of foolishness. Since she clearly can’t stop why not tell her you accept she can’t but equally you can’t keep rushing to her rescue and worrying yourselves silly?

You can’t change her but could take some steps to changing yourselves. With your sister onboard perhaps the dynamic could shift slightly?

Sounds terrible for you.

Sorry to hear this OP. You'll get good advice if you ask HQ to move this thread to Alcohol Support.

This is a horrible situation to be in. Your mother's fooling herself and thinks she's fooling everyone else that she doesn't have a problem when it's abundantly clear that she does. I would just speak plainly with her at all times. Tell her you don't want to spend Christmas with her and tell her why. Don't try to spare any feelings. My ex was an alcoholic and thought he hid it ever so well but it became embarrassingly clear he didn't and I made sure he knew that.
Ultimately nobody can make her stop drinking but herself and to do that she has to recognise she has a problem. Sorry, that's so unhelpful.
I'd really be telling your brother to but out too. It's ok for him to deal with it from afar with no idea what it's actually like to spend time with her. Good luck. I really hope your mum realises the extent of her problem and gets the help she needs.

The day I accepted my mum is an alcoholic and it will kill her was the day I was freed from what you are experiencing. We still have a relationship but I limit how much her drinking can have an impact on me.

Protect your sanity and energy. DM is an adult responsible for herself and you have no obligation to support or indulge her alcoholism

I learned about alcoholics the hard way. There is no helping them. All that will happen is you will turn yourself inside out with worry while they destroy everything around them.

If you need to walk away, don't feel bad. I know that's a lot harder said than done.

I'm afraid when it comes to addictions you really do need to put yourself and your children first. You've tried everything you can, time to step back and let her get on with it.

It's awfully sad but if being around her is negatively affecting you you are well within your rights to remove yourself from the equation.

I'm another poster who has learned about alcoholics the hard way. Nothing you can say or do will stop her drinking. The best you can do it distance yourself and leave her to it