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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Salsa Saga

11 replies

Laviefroide · 12/12/2020 18:42

Just wondering what people make of this situation...

I went to a salsa club with a guy (a boyfriend, of sorts) a while ago. (He was hopeless at it, but that's beside the point.) We had maybe half an hour of tuition and then you could stay on and dance. Also there was a bar.

The club is kept at a really low temperature so people don't get too hot while dancing, and after a while (we'd danced a bit and had a drink) I said I was getting really cold and would like to go soon. Boyfriend didn't want to leave - fair enough; I tried to be patient. However after about another half an hour I was starting to feel really chilled and put my coat and scarf on.

I said again to boyfriend that I wanted to leave, but he wanted to stay to have another drink (even though we could have gone elsewhere). He didn't offer me one, presumably because he knew I'd say, "no thanks, I'm freezing cold and I'd like to go somewhere warmer."

When he got to the bar he found there was a minimum credit card spend, so rather than saying, "Oh well, let's try another bar," he bought a random woman a drink while I sat next to him shivering.

Was he being perfectly reasonable or should I have dumped him on the spot?

OP posts:
Gardeniaofdelights · 12/12/2020 18:44

Definitely worth of an instant dumping - or at the very least you just walking out on him and leaving him in the cold!

letsmakethetea · 12/12/2020 18:45

Bloody hell! I like to think I'd have left when I was cold and had waited another half hour, saying goodbye to him and ending the evening then. Can't believe he didn't offer you a drink AND bought a drink for some randomer! What an arse. Hope you LTB?

HotelliFinlandia · 12/12/2020 18:45

Dump on the spot. There's no future if he goes to a salsa bar and orders alcohol, can't dance and then, as if those things weren't bad enough, is a dick.

Eleganz · 12/12/2020 18:53

"a boyfriend, of sorts"

So what is the deal there? Was this a date? Did you go as friends?

Laviefroide · 12/12/2020 18:54

To my eternal shame, I didn't DHOTS. So wish I had, as unsurprisingly this wasn't the last stunt he pulled which showed complete contempt for me.

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Laviefroide · 12/12/2020 18:55

@Eleganz

"a boyfriend, of sorts"

So what is the deal there? Was this a date? Did you go as friends?

The deal was that we were supposed to be in a relationship, but he didn't really behave like a boyfriend - in terms of taking my feelings into account, involving me in his life, turning up to things we were meant to be doing together, etc.
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ShirleyPhallus · 12/12/2020 18:56

There's no future if he goes to a salsa bar and orders alcohol

What’s wrong with ordering alcohol at a salsa bar Confused

Otherwise agree with the others, dump

Eleganz · 12/12/2020 18:57

Well given that he doesn't seem to want to be in a relationship I guess that giving him what he wants is a good idea.

altiara · 12/12/2020 18:57

Can’t believe you’re asking this!!
And he definitely should’ve got you a drink, some alcohol might’ve warmed you up. Assuming you drink alcohol.

Crunchymum · 12/12/2020 19:04

I'm failing to see your point @Laviefroide

Are you saying that you let other incidents like this slide? What do you want people to say to that?

I can only assume you did at some point dump his arse, but I don't think there is any reason to commend someone who doesn't let themself be treated like shit?

Laviefroide · 12/12/2020 19:07

@Crunchymum

I'm failing to see your point *@Laviefroide*

Are you saying that you let other incidents like this slide? What do you want people to say to that?

I can only assume you did at some point dump his arse, but I don't think there is any reason to commend someone who doesn't let themself be treated like shit?

I'm not expecting to be commended! Far from it. Just trying to recalibrate my boundaries.

Yes, I did dump him, but not nearly soon enough in hindsight.

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