Family don't respect our choice of name - AIBU to be quite fed up?

[Glitterinthegrey]

DH and I have been married 7 years. I have a DD16 from a previous relationship who has hyphenated surname, mine & her dad's. DD9, DH's child, born before we decided to get married, so has our surnames hyphenated.

When we got married, since DH has brothers to carry on the family name, DH and I decided to hyphenated our surnames also. He would have been happy to take mine.

His family (mostly mother and one sibling) were very anti this at the time, and refuse to use our surname at all when they send birthday or Christmas cards etc. When they send something to me or either DD, they will only put first name. When it's to him, they put his original surname.

We've asked them to respect it. They won't. They say it isn't right or proper, and I and DD9 should have taken his surname. This properly irks me. I know it's a small thing but it feels really disrespectful.

AIBU to want to shove my BIL's latest Christmas card up his arse??

Return to sender with "not known at this address" on the front.

Erm... just think of them as a bit dim and move on.

So fucking rude - yanbu at all, they’re being assholes

This is going to go like the thread where the MIL sent the card to Mrs dh suname, loads of rude replies that no one in RL would do.

Much easier just to ignore them, don't waste your life getting het up about meaningless things, why does it matter what they put on envelopes?

I second the not known at this address

It's really rude and really irksome, especially as you know they're doing it because they don't agree and not just because they're forgetful.

But I don't know what you can do about it, other than send the mail back marked return to sender.

How old fashioned
Are they old or from a culture that favours men ?

It's rude and disrespectful. They sound a bit dense so I would probably bin the card and ignore it. Doesn't sound like there's any hope in getting the message through. I would certainly delight in sending them post/emails/sharing social media posts with them with my hyphenated surname declared loud and proud at the end of any message.
Can you get some photo xmas cards made with your hyphenated surname splashed all over the front??

It seems to be clear what your surname is so they are being rude. I struggle with what surname to put when people aren't married and sending to a family when I don't see know what the kids surname is, that's the only circumstance I would go with names only.

Ignore them. Eventually they’ll die and your new name will continue.

I am slightly guilty of doing something similar. When she was about 16 my niece started spelling her name in a “Yoonique” way. I ignored it for a year or two thinking it was a teenage phase, then she kept it so I respected that and started using it.

If you have asked them already then they should respect your name choices, even if they don’t agree with it.

Their attitude would piss me right off!

They should respect your choice.
I personally can't be arsed with hyphenating names, but what others choose to do is their business, and of course I respect the name they wish to go by!
YANBU.

While it isn't right of them to do this, I would encourage you to not notice. Just don't give them the satisfaction of even noticing their pettiness.

When they go low, you go high. Enjoy.