Clinically ill child with conspiracy parents?

[Christmasbeach]

Name change incase this is outing.

My DP cousin (child) has recently been diagnosed with a horrible disease/illness which they’ve just started treatment. This illness means they’re incredibly high risk to covid and a strong possibility of it being life threatening. The child’s parent is a covid denier and a general conspiracy tin hat wearing nut.

I’m becoming increasingly more uncomfortable with it. The final straw is that they’re joining mutual family for Christmas Day. I’ve said to my DP if that family is going to be there I won’t be comfortable going incase the poor kid dies in a few weeks and I’ll feel personally responsible. DP said he’ll be going regardless as it’s the parent’s responsibility.

The host is bit of a wet flannel and won’t say anything as ‘it’s Christmas’.

AIBU to want my partner to have a word with the parents at least? I can’t possibly enjoy my Christmas with this looming over my head.

YABU I mean, obviously dont go if you arent feeling well but ultimately, it's their choice and their responsibility.

Not your job to parent their child.

Absolutely fine if you don’t want to but don’t pressurise other people

It’s their decision. There is an argument for keeping the child away from everyone forever in case they ever contract an infectious disease, but they’ve decided they don’t want to make their child live like that.

If their kid is high risk of dying of covid, then they are high risk of dying from flu etc - let the parents decide how they spend what could be their child's last christmas.

I am sorry you have a poorly family member.

If the child is at high risk of this, they are generally at high risk, I know people who’s children died from basically a cold whilst undergoing chemo, chicken pox killed another.

It must be very difficult but without details it’s difficult to weigh up the child’s mental health needs with physical needs.

I wouldn’t be going either. Poor child.

We are in the exact situation except the child’s parents aren’t Covid deniers. BUT they still made the decision very early on that they weren’t going to become completely paranoid, they formed a (illegal at the time) support bubble with the mothers parents, still saw other family members outside and 2m away, and generally acted broadly like most other families have done. They decided that the odds of their child with cancer dying of Covid were not worth potentially ruining the last year of his life by forcing him and them to be housebound. They are going to spend Christmas with the mother’s parents and sister and her kids. I massively respect their decision.

If you don't want to go because of this I can totally understand that- I would probably feel similar. However I think YWBU to raise this with the parents- it's their choice, as upsetting as it may be to you.

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either. But the decision you need to make is whether your household is still going to go in the circs. I don’t think anything good will come out of you pressuring your dp to pressure the conspiracy theorist relative not to come.

I think what you might decide for a last family Christmas might be different than if the child has a serious but treatable condition, in which case I agree with you, I absolutely wouldn't be exposing my child even to colds, viruses and so forth if they were just about to start treatment. If it were likely to be terminal, I might feel very differently about it and did indeed visit a terminally ill relative in their very last days when it wasn't in the rules to do so earlier this year.

if it's more than three households, I wouldn't be going anyway. I'm not going indoors with my own relatives this year even though the rules say yes, because I just don't want to risk it when the schools haven't even been closed a week. I feel New Year is going to be much safer for us.

Are you sure they've been told to shield? The number of children who need to shield is now incredibly small, much less than during the first lockdown.

@nocoolnamesleft - they have just started treatment, if it's immunocompressing then they will have been told to shield.

Its not all about you enjoying your Christmas. If you dont want to go, dont. But dont expect them to make their decisions regarding THEIR child based on your opinions.

Thanks all for your responses.

The child isn’t terminal and right now that’s not on the cards (hopefully I can say that for the future) but they’ve just started treatment. But it is serious and going to be bloody horrible for the child.

The parents are concerned about colds et al. Just not covid because it’s just an excuse insurance companies are using and the government trying to control us.

If it was definitely the child’s last Christmas I’d be the first one arriving with the biggest sack of presents I could find and trying to bring the cast of Disney along with me but hopefully it shouldn’t be.

I guess I just feel if it was the parents belief of not wanting the child to have a blood transfusion it would be up to the court? But potentially putting them at risk of a deadly virus because they believe it’s a conspiracy I should respect their beliefs. It just makes me uncomfortable.

I have no time for conspiracy theorists, so on that basis alone I would be staying away.

Because let’s be honest, COVID deniers going to family during a pandemic is only going to lead to disagreement and/or uncomfortable moments.

If the child isn’t terminally ill then they’re being irresponsible, but unfortunately you can’t say anything, but i wouldn’t go, and I would make my reasons for not going clear i.e. “I’m not coming because I’m uncomfortable with the amount of people and given X illness I wouldn’t want them to have any issues.”

I have a life limiting illness and I have chosen not to go anywhere for Christmas, but equally some of my family are sort of glad that I’ve chosen that, not because they don’t want me there, but because no-one would want to give me COVID in the event they had it and didn’t know.