Would you want to know ?

[Teddy1258]

Say if you started dating somebody new, you knew their ex, and you know that their ex cheated on them (couple of years ago, slept with another guy) but the person you're dating doesn't know they were cheated on.
Would you tell them ?
I know this, and sometimes it feels like I am harbouring a terrible secret from him.
But then I think, what is there to gain ? It was a few years ago now and telling him may just upset him, he has nothing to gain from me saying.
What would you do ?

I don't think the ex was a nice person and also think telling him would just make me look bitter and like I am trying to score points or something.

Don’t get involved.

What does it matter now he’s with you and not her?

Also, you don’t know he doesn’t know - you only know he hasn’t told you about it.

Don’t say anything.

It seems quite clear that he doesn't know, he said he didn't think he had ever been cheated on. It makes me feel like I am lying to him or hiding something, but exactly it's past.

It would only cause your new partner pain to learn these things. I can't see a good reason to tell them. I wouldn't lie if asked what I knew, but I sure wouldn't volunteer out of the blue.

Yeah I agree. If he ever asked me directly I would. But now, I will just forget it.

I once held a secret like that. My ex's mum told me his dad cheated on her. My ex didn't know and I didn't tell him.

If he's not hung up on the previous relationship then I wouldn't mention it.

If he talked about her and went on about how amazing she was then I'd accidentally bring it up.

It was eating me up inside a little bit.
I will not say anything because like PPs have said there's nothing to gain, it might hurt his self-esteem and trust too. It's best to forget her.

I'd be inclined to tell my partner just because we have absolutely no secrets and it would also feel like I'm hiding something.

I think it depends how serious/long term your current relationship is.
I wouldn't think it was a great situation to keep a nugget of information like that from my DH of many years but, if we were likely to be dating only for a year a two, I would tell him if it were very relevant to a conversation we were having.

No good can come of this. There is a reason people say don't shoot the messenger!

It's been about 6 months and it's quite serious. I don't really know if I would prefer to know or not myself

I’d only say if it organically gets mentioned in conversation. Seems a bit weird to bring it up otherwise.

Nah don’t bother saying anything. They might already know and have made peace with that now so why bring it up now? And while I’m pretty sure my ex cheated more times than I definitely know about, I don’t actually care about that anymore so I’d be a bit about you telling me and would think that you’re trying to shit stir.

I won't be saying anything unless I am asked outright.

Why would he ask you outright?

Not unless you are together for a while and become serious and long term (or it comes up in conversation or he bigs her up!)

If tell him. If he's going to get funny about it you'd rather know now than 5 years in.

It's not your fault you know so why would he be weird about it. If I found out my ex had cheated, well, really, who cares? Why would he? Is he hung up on her? If so not worth hanging around anyway. Tell him tonight then it's over and done with.

Been with OH ten years plis now. If I found out now that he knew this sort of thing and hadn't, in ten years, told me I would question his judgement. I would just look at him differently thinking its not important information but it's important to me that you kept it from me. Deliberately. Who did you think you were protecting? It's wpuld feel weird.

I also fully disagree it will hurt his self esteem or trust if he is over her. If it does you really don't need that baggage 6 months in.

Leave it alone

It's in the past, so don't rock the boat, as nothing to be achieved if you bring this up.

Doesn't matter now- I'd keep quiet.