To tell my DH to stop pestering me!

[Itsmadhere]

I'm in my early 30s and DH in his early 40s. Our sex drives used to be mostly well matched but if anyone wanted sex more, it was usually me!

Over the last few years I've had two kids, a heart problem, hormonal imbalances - along with all the stress that everyone else has had going on - this, understandably has put a dampener on my sex drive.

We have sex now about twice a week, which I think is OK. I literally have no sex drive at the minute so sex for me is a big deal and it involved a hell of a lot of acting. If it was all up to what I wanted we'd probably never have sex!

I've had this chat with DH, even my heart nurse has had a chat with him about how my meds and hormones can mess with my "urges" and he nods in all the right places BUT he's constantly on at me for more sex

He won't ever just go and jerk off either, be even wants me to be a part of that, which I find bizarre, not that he finds it a turn on BUT he NEVER does it alone! He's always touching me, squeezing my bum and boobs. He constantly makes lewd comments when we are alone. It's driving me nuts! I'm getting to the point where just him touching me is making me want to tell him to piss off.

Firstly I’m so sorry that you are sharing a life with a man who does not respect your wants and desires but instead appears to be treating you like you are a sex doll there for his pleasure.

Secondly, buy him a Fleshlight for Christmas and make pointed suggestions that he enjoy some alone time. Just him by himself with an actual sex object.

This sounds awful and it’s even more sad that you seem resigned to it and think it’s normal. I couldn’t imagine my husband ever pushing the idea of sex when he knew I didn’t want to do it. We are currently having sex a lot less frequently than you are and he still wouldn’t behave that way. The only reason we’re not having much sex is that I always feel tired. My husband would be bending over backwards to make sure I was ok and comfortable etc if I had a heart problem! I really don’t know what you can say to make him change. He doesn’t seem to see you as his wife who he should adore and want to be happy. He sees you as something as to fulfil his sexual desires at all costs. It’s disrespectful and sad. I don’t think I could remain in a relationship where I wasn’t seen as a full person.

This is utterly repulsive.

How you're feeling is really really normal post having babies, was for me and gazillions of other women and him wanting to have sex with you is also normal but he is going to have to understand that your sex drive, most women's sex drive can disappear for some time after babies. What will not bring it back is him pestering you, it is the biggest turn off in the book for a woman that just constantly feels 'got at' and may have lost herself.

He simply has got to realise he needs to back right off and that will give you chance to come back to him in your own time. You want to feel adored I'm sure, but that's different to just feeling like a hole!! I totally get it and my poor DH had to wait years but I was lucky as despite having some moments, he was very patient and I found that the more he backed off, was just a decent loving, hugging, caring husband and dad, the more I felt like being close to him again. It's not like it was when we met but neither of us expected that. It's just nice now! I think, hope we're both satisfied now but he's needs to back the hell off!

He's always touching me, squeezing my bum and boobs. He constantly makes lewd comments when we are alone.

Ugh. He sounds like a sex-obsessed teenage boy pushing the boundaries with his first girlfriend, not a grown man in a committed, adult relationship. This behaviour is so deeply unattractive, if I was in your position it would kill off any respect or affection I felt for him, let alone desire!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this on top of your health issues, OP.