Me or him?

[hummusandpitta]

Split with H 2 months ago (his choice). He is going out for drinks and food tomorrow night with his friend. I knew he was going out, I did not know where.

I made plans to go out on the same evening, and deliberately avoided the general part of town he would usually go out in. I decided on a bar that is one of my 'usuals'..

I ask H to pick up our DD slightly early to take her to his parents for the night, and explain it's because I now have plans. He immediately asks about the plans (I'm guessing he realised if I were going out it would likely be to said bar). I informed him about where I was going and he said he was also going there, and that it was unreasonable of me to plan a night out without asking him where he was going, especially because I knew he was going out.

I'm a little shocked about his (very angry) reaction and wondered if others thought he was being unreasonable or I was?

I ended up changing my plans to avoid unnecessary conflict

He is BU. Massively. You are split up. You don’t ‘have’ to do, tell or ask him anything.

Thank you! He has a habit of making me doubt what I believe in. It's so annoying that I backed down and changed my plans! Never again

He was BU. It's not his place to be angry about what you choose to do when you're not even together anymore - plus how were you supposed to know he was planning to go to the same place?

He was BVU to have an angry reaction to your choice of venue. You’re well within your rights to go anywhere you like. I’m glad you’re calling him “H” not “DH”, it sounds like you’re well rid. Best of luck for 2021

I hope you still Went out you know your split up he cant dictate to you anymore

He's being total unreasonable. I bet his "friend" is actually a date, and he was worried you would find out.

You don't have to tell him anything and you can go where you like. It's none of his business

He split with you. He has absolutely no say in where you go or with who or when, except as it affects your child. What a controlling knob! Washe controlling in the marriage op?

He cannot dictate to you where you can and can’t go.

He is BVU

Thanks everyone, I needed convincing that by unknowingly booking the same location as him, I am not desperate/pathetic/childish/lacking in common decency

Night out is tonight, so I may say to him on DD handover that I will not be avoiding him and he is ridiculous for thinking that's normal!

I also suspect it's a date, but figured he would probably have told me (as I would be more likely to 'stay out of his way' in that case...)

You can go wherever you want. Tell him to grow up xxx

You don't have to run your plans past him anymore
Tell him to piss off next time

I bet that no matter where you said you were going,he would have kicked off and said that's where he was going! If it ever happens again, lie, and see what happens...

@Tinkerbell456

He split with you. He has absolutely no say in where you go or with who or when, except as it affects your child. What a controlling knob! Washe controlling in the marriage op?

He was what I'd call low level controlling. He never directly told me what I could and couldn't do, but would punish me with bad moods, silent treatment and name calling if I did something (such as download Snapchat to play with filters with DD)

There are lots of examples of controlling behaviour like this but I didn't realise at the time