Forgotten on my birthday.

[EveningOverRooftops]

I have NC will become apparent. Try to keep this to the point.

It was my birthday. I have not had a single family member wish me a happy birthday. No cards at all. It’s not a milestone birthday but I am a single mother in my 30s and DC not able to go to the shops to buy a card etc so needs help and has additional needs. No one has offered. DC came home from school furious no one had tried.

I have multiple siblings 5+ All adults plus living older relatives and a mother too.

My best friend has of course sent along well wishes and we will do something in the future because of where we live (tier 2 & 3 different towns) and the risk of train journeys atm, their birthday was mid lockdown.

AIBU to expect family to send something, anything at all? A text, a phone call, I didn’t even get a generic FB comment . They live very local 2-3 miles at most. All drive so the possibility of dropping round isn’t beyond their means. They celebrate each other’s birthdays and they shared Pictures of get togethers during lockdown of them celebrating (breaking rules I know but I wasn’t invited to them)

I wish I could say I was surprised by this and maybe I had hoped things had changed recently after voicing just how I felt about family dynamics and my feelings of being treated - abusive step father, neglectful mother still trying to get back with abusive step father after 20 yrs and mother still resents me and blames me for that failed marriage. He cheated I discovered it. It’s a complicated story. It feels like they’ve just decided ‘fuck that’ and now don’t want to know and it would probably best if I wasn’t around you know.

None of my family really contacted me through the lockdown etc either hence me not really expecting it but god it hurts to have such a huge family and to not be thought of. I tried contacting them but messages weren’t replied to so this isn’t me expecting everything from nothing iyswim.

I’ve had more check ins from virtual strangers and online friends I’ve never met to see how I’m doing inc DCs school than my own mother!

AIBU? Yes grow a pair ffs.
No your family sound like utter arseholes go eat a ton of cake.

Firstly OP: happy birthday - I hope your DC at least wish you a happy birthday and make a fuss of you.

Secondly: I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s mean and uncaring. Your family sound very unkind, and I’m not sure there’s much point in pursuing a relationship with them. If your DM was neglectful I’d probably not want her having contacting with your DC anyway.

I hope you hear from family and friends soon. But happy birthday, from all of us.

💕💕

This really has been the icing on a very messed up cake. I wish I could share all the ins and outs of what has happened over the years.

DCs birthday was also ‘forgotten’ this year. A milestone one at that for the eldest DGC. Family celebrated a siblings birthday a week later so I know it wasn’t money or covid or anything like that stopping them. It was wilful uncaring.

I have been seething over DCs birthday Tbf. Even my grandmother didn’t send a card or call.

It’s one thing to be an arse to me another to take those feelings out on my DC. I’m sad it’s taken me this long to fix it.

I have been questioning if my weight issues are directly related to family contact. No real contact this year and from sept - now I’ve lost 20lbs whereas the previous few years where I’ve been unwell and needing support and not getting it I piled it on. I need support now so I don’t think the gain was purely a coping strategy I’m just getting the support from a different place.

I have wondered if I am batshit to even link the two together. Who knows. I just know after my previous NC I was a respectable size 14 then piled it on after I reconnected and went up to a 20. Now I’m almost an 18

Anyway. Thanks. A good ex/ now friend who knows my family well sat and chatted with me about it early and he made some good points about this whole thing inc reminding me of similar behaviour when he tried to plan nice things for me and the refusal to do childcare for a few hours but they expected me to provide childcare because I didn’t work at the time.