Has anyone found anything that gets their child to do things around the house?

[StubbornChild]

DD aged 6.

Won’t put her toys away, won’t make her bed, won’t take her plate to the kitchen after eating (table in living room it’s not a long walk less than a few 100m, won’t fill her own cup from the tap, will refuse to use the toilet if she has the chance.

Nothing works to make her do these things. Not reward charts, not bribery, not losing toys or rewards, not offering to pay her money, turning off the tv and taking away her tablet just means she sits on the floor doing nothing. Nothing at all works.

She can do all of these things, she uses the toilet fine at school, she fills her water bottle at school with a little help to get the lid off, carries her tray from the table to the trolley next to the kitchen at school (pre-covid, now they have to carry their trays to the classroom door). She refuses to do them at home though.

I am lost as to what to do to get her to do them. School have said she’s a bit immature but nothing worrying (she’s year 2). She does have a couple of diagnosed medical conditions that affect her mobility and eye sight but they don’t make her incapable of doing any of the things I’ve listed.

It’s just me and her at home, no siblings. She sees her dad but only EOW.

Any ideas to make her do these things? Or is it just a case of battling through until she’s older?

Natural consequences are good, eg. "no we can't do X, because mummy had to tidy everything and now its too late/cold etc."

DS1 rushes now when I say it'll get too cold/dark/a place will shut.

@Camomila

She does have a couple of diagnosed medical conditions that affect her mobility and eye sight but they don’t make her incapable of doing any of the things I’ve listed

Might she be exhausted after working extra hard to do everything well at school? DS1 (4.5) is generally quite helpful but sometimes after school he's just one hangry weepy tantrum tbh.

I'd start be seeing if she'll do some stuff on a weekend morning (when she should be most rested energetic)

Otherwise I tell DS1 that no one likes tidying up but we all have to do it because we all live in the house.

Actually you could be right with after school stuff, she does seem slightly better in the mornings before school so that might be a good move.

I will try some of the other suggestions too. School have said she can be a bit stubborn there too, but usually co-operates. I like the suggestion of no TV/Tablet/Toys until it's done. I'm not evening wanting it to be neat and ordered just in the correct place so I can wash it/walk around without tripping over.

I’d take the heat out of it altogether and stop telling her to do stuff for a while. She has two homes and school so she might be very tired especially at 6.

I’d ask her for help rather than telling her to do it own her own.

Shall we do the beds together?
Shall we tidy the table together
Shall we wash up? Do you want to dry and I’ll wash?

I’d also add some fun things in their that she would like.

Shall we make dinner together?
Shall I show you how to make toast do you want to do it?

My eldest is 25 and was 18 before she tidying up with out being asked.

My 7 year old will Hoover, wash up, make every one beds unprompted.

My 4 year old will sit and watch when I’ve asked to join in at tidying away and most times join in at the end just for the high five in helping..

Dont put too much pressure on her. Just ask her help you and always remark what an ace job they did of it. Don’t punish her if she doesn’t as you’ve started a mini clash of wills

If it was only as easy as telling a child to do something and they would, no questions. That would solve a lot of problems!

My DC are only little but my DM always turned the radio on for 10 minutes and done silly dancing and that was tidy up time. She also helped (I know you said you've tried that) but it can feel all very unfair having to tidy up your own mess at that age

YouTube is good for things like this, does she have a favourite cartoon/character? My DN4 loves a kid Youtuber, cant remember the name but my Dsis found a video of them clearing up after themselves, and after that my DN is much better doing it.

My DM also made it clear that if we didnt tidy up after the activity then the next time we asked to, she would say no because last time you didnt help and she stuck to it. They soon get bored when they know you wont give in.