Sorry in advance if this ends up long - will try and keep it as brief as I can.
I’ve got a good friend who I met through work 6 years ago. When we met, we instantly clicked and were very close quite soon, we met up outside of work, took quite a few trips together, attended each others’ weddings and hen celebrations, you get the picture. We haven't worked together now for a while but this has never impacted our friendship. It’s slightly dwindled a bit since kids have come into the equation but that’s totally to be expected - she had her first baby back in 2016 and then had another within the next year after, so has had a lot on her plate. Nevertheless we’ve still managed to see each other and maintain contact (less so this year for obvious reasons), I’ve sent presents for her and the kids’ birthdays, etc.
This summer, I found out I was pregnant. I was quite anxious through the first trimester and only told my very best friend (not the one in question) and my parents – kept thinking something was going to go wrong etc – not sure why, think it was just hormones. During this time, friend in question called me a couple of times and I didn’t answer as I knew if I spoke to her at length I’d end up blurting it out and I just wasn’t ready to. However I always replied to her with a message or email apologising for missing her call, we would chat over text and on one occasion I agreed to help her out on something work-related, so all seemed totally fine and normal.
My dating scan came along and I was really relieved that everything seemed to be fine, so I called her that afternoon. She seemed delighted to hear from me, we had a bit of jokey chit-chat and then I decided to apologise for “being sh*t” with contact for the past couple of months. I explained that there was a bit of a reason, my head had been a bit in the clouds, and then told her I was pregnant. I’m not sure if it was just in my head but the mood then seemed to completely change. She did say congratulations and asked how far along I was, she then almost immediately cut off the call, asking if she could call me back in about half an hour. She didn’t call me back at all, she ended up messaging me that evening to apologise though – she had a busy afternoon and had loads going on – had recently moved across the country, so I didn’t think much of it and she said she’d call me in the week.
No call came a week later so I thought to myself, hmm, have I been massively self-obsessed here? She’s had loads going on in her life, I’ve been in limited contact for 2+ months and now I just call out of the blue with my pregnancy news expecting her to be over the moon – perhaps things aren’t great for her. I sent her a message saying words to this effect – sorry mate, appreciate I might have been a bit self-obsessed recently, is everything ok with you, I really want a proper catch up and to find out what’s been going on your end etc. She replied basically laughing it off and told me to stop being stupid, that she would call me in the week and that she was so excited for me.
And essentially, it’s been the same ever since – I have tried to call and message a few times and she’s usually left it a week or 2 to get back to me, apologise and say we need a catch up soon, and then nothing comes. It was her birthday in October and I sent her a card and some presents, I got a nice thank you message afterwards, but it was my birthday about 3 weeks ago and I didn’t even get a text or FB/instagram post from her, let alone a card or gift.
Shall I just give up? Does it sound like she’s going through something difficult, or that I’ve definitely p*ssed her off and I’m just blind to it - i.e. was it really unforgiveable/selfish of me to have that couple of months being quite limited in contact? I have apologised for that but perhaps it's come off as insincere.
I don’t want to lose her friendship but equally I don’t want to keep bugging her if she’s done with it. I will add that both times she was pregnant I was very much in contact, excited, asking for scan updates, how she was feeling etc, so I don’t think it’s a case of her thinking that I wasn’t there for her when she was pregnant so she doesn’t want to be there for me (if that makes sense).
Tbh I don't even know if it's got anything to do with the pregnancy, it just seems like everything changed after that point so I guess it's what I'm focusing on.
Thanks if you got this far…!