Moving to Bournemouth

[mapofeasterireland]

We live in London and my husband is from the south coast. He is desperate to move back and start a new life but I just don’t know how I feel about it.

I’ve worked really hard to build a network of amazing friends for me and my kids and he’s done nothing. He puts no effort in to his life and is now saying he’s unhappy and want to be by the sea. It doesn’t feel fair.

We have lots of amazing friends where we are. Our kids have play dates and sleepovers and there’s always something to do. Granted our local area is a bit rough but im nervous we will move and have absolutely nothing to do and it will be impossible to meet new people.

AIBU?

I've found the opposite @Dbop100 the vast vast majority I went to school with all returned back home to Bournemouth after uni. I can think of maybe 3 who moved away.

100% its as tory as they get though.

@Dbop100 wow that is an awful reference for Bournemouth and taps into all my greatest fears. Not complaining but you knocked it out the park 🤣

It’s such a tough one as my kids will have limited freedom in Croydon so hoped that maybe bournmouth might be easier for that. We could move to some village in Dorset or Hampshire but that would be pretty dull too wouldn’t it?

Also live near Lymington (waves at fellow New Foresters). We moved down here from the Home Counties nearly 3 years ago and love it. I wouldn't live in Bournemouth although I like visiting there - the traffic is horrendous at any time. There are miles of beaches at Bournemouth - not just one small beach near the pier and you can always find space further down. I actually think there's a lot to do here as tourists are always catered for, but obviously not so much has been happening this year. I love the forest and the sea, but yes it would be too quiet for some people. It's not for everyone, fortunately!

I am surprised there is do much negativity about Bournemouth. We moved here ten years ago and love it, having lived in Bristol and London before that. I think it is a great lifestyle for a family. The beach is great year round, just don't go to the 'tourist' beaches. So much to do outdoors, two harbours, rivers, new forest, purbeck, hengistbury, and lots of countryside.Loads of great parks, playgrounds. All the usual inside options plus 2 small theme parks, three farms, aquarium, nat trust and so many other attractions. We came when our oldest was 1 and lots of pre school groups. I found it friendly and met other local families pretty easily. Schools are mixed, but we picked an area with good schools (Christchurch) and don't find in an old vibe at all. Just come for a potter round to get a feel. The area isn't very multi cultural if that is important to you though. Transport links are not bad. Can be in London on the train in under two hours or direct trains to midlands/North of England. Fast road out of town unless you catch holiday traffic

I've lived in Poole all my adult life
No place is perfect but I love it here !
Raised two daughters who both live a couple miles away in Bournemouth now with their husbands !

How about Ringwood, secondary school is very good and not too far to coast. Or Wimbourne?

If DH wants to be by the sea but you want something with some life, what about Brighton or Hove?

I visited Bournemouth two years ago, staying there so I could visit Brownsea Island. I was shocked how the place has changed compared with 20 years ago. Not as bad as Hull but still lacking recent investment.

I’m originally from the Bournemouth area but live just outside London - I would love to move home but the secondary school choices are what have stopped us.
We’ve looked outside of Bournemouth and like (we managed to see it last year) The Trafalgar School at Downton but it’s trying to find a house we can afford in catchment. My husband is desperate to move that way - but he’s never lived in a seaside town - hellish busy and can go no where in the summer and boring in the winter!
I like the idea of being further out like Downton as we can still get to the less busy beaches and new forest! For now we’ve decided to wait till our children finish secondary education and move new forest way then - least we don’t have to worry about bored teenagers!

I always found Bournemouth felt quite grotty tbh.

I feel quite passionate about Bournemouth. I have lived there a number of times over the years. My bio and adoptive parents all originate from there, so I feel that is where my roots are. My DD still lives there.
Back in the 90’s IMO it was a bit of a tacky, typical British seaside resort. And then in the early 2000’s it became a really up and coming place. Lots of lovely shops, The Pier, Borders, Bo Concept, Habitat and all the usual high street stores and independent shops. Restaurants were plentiful. Every nationality you could think of. It became a real cafe culture sort place. We never really went to he beach though. Because in the summer you could not find a spot.
Then in around 2005 things started going downhill. We owned a house, sort of between the top of town and the beach. We had fences kicked in, graffiti, flower pots smashed etc. We eventually moved out.
We go back from time to time. It is so sad. The last time we visited most of the big stores in the town have closed down, our favourite restaurants are now kebab shops, takeaway or strip joints. There were just boarded up shops in the town, doorways filled with boxes and sleeping bags, quirky shops replaced by tourist tat pop up shops. So sad! Just visit and see for yourself. Try before you buy.

Have to admit despite having lived here all my life I can't remember the last time I went into Bournemouth or Poole centres. Poole was probably not long before pandemic and Bournemouth possibly Christmas 2019 for the lights.

Lymington and New Forest area are fantastic for young families, forest and coast on your doorstep and London commutable. Bournemouth has been ruined by their councils stupid decision over the years and it really is in need of a revamp.

Sounds like your dh has been a bit lazy about building a good life in London, what does he say when you say to him he’s made no effort to make friends etc ?

A friend of mine moved to Bournemouth about 5 yrs ago. He was a Londoner as was his wife but they met at uni there & really liked it & missed the sea so went back. They love it & have a great quality of life. They don't commute though & he has a good job.

However you need to be on board with any move.

• I was born and bred in London, and the changes are totally negative. When I grew up, we were out all day playing exploring etc, it was a community where I lived, now, no one knows there neighbours, kids can't play safe.*

I actually had a pretty idyllic childhood in my roughish area of London, it has really changed. My dc would never play our with others kids, I never seen kids playing out.

Having moved to Dorset from Sutton over 20 yrs ago, I could not imagine moving back. I still regularly visit as my dad still lives there & my sister lives in Wallington. However, it is so busy, polluted & just generally dirtier I can’t wait to get back home. Of course Bournemouth has some less desirable areas, but then you’re used to Croydon & Bournemouth is nothing like that! Your children are at a brilliant age for moving & it should be very easy for you to make friends. Realistically though it depends what you want. Do you want a seaside, watersports, large town, New Forest kind of life or do you want to remain in Croydon?

It depends what sort of things you like doing. If you like things like walking and cycling, then you've got the New Forest or the Dorset Coast Path. If you like art, there's the Russell Cotes.
Southampton isn't far, nor Kingston Lacy for a National Trust house. Poole Harbour is great, and there's the whole of the Dorset countryside and loads of wildlife habitats.

It's also on the mainline to London- when I lived in Bournemouth, I often got the train up when I wanted to catch an exhibition at one of the big galleries. For me, the good things about London are things which can be done on day trips. Where I live, I want activities like swimming, gyms, evening classes, voluntary activities - that's all in London, of course, but also in Bournemouth, and they're good places to meet people. It depends what you mean by there being nothing to do- there's loads to do, but whether it's the sort of thing you want to do is a different matter.

You can keep in touch with friends if you move away, and make new friends. It won't be easy but it's not insurmountable.

I can understand where your husband is coming from. I grew up in south Dorset and also lived in Bournemouth for some years. The thing I miss most is being able to walk down to the sea after work, and in summer, have a swim (when most of the crowds have gone.) Winter beach walks are also great. It's not just me - I have schoolfriends who have moved back to Dorset from London to bring up their families. And I remember at uni, in a shared student house, I was saying to a girl from Cornwall about how I missed the sea, and she totally agreed. Another girl from Birmingham just didn't get it, and I think if you grow up close to the sea, you do develop a sort of need for it. I hated living in London, some of which was down to poverty, but also how dirty everything was. It's better now than it was then, with the congestion charge and so on, but I still wouldn't want to live there.

But it can't be a unilateral decision, so you need to work out what you really want from a place to live, then how Bournemouth or other towns in the area do or don't match that and have a properly informed discussion and a joint decision. Dorset may not be the only place to move to that might suit the criteria you come up with, especially if his includes "close to Lymington" and that is one factor which is ignored for the time being.

Thanks everyone for their really considered responses. We would have friends and family nearby and I can see the benefits. I also think senior schools will Be an issue in the area of Croydon We are in so we do have to go.

I’m wondering if perhaps we should look at places like lymington, Christchurch, Milford etc instead of Bournemouth. They are stupidly expensive though....

@mapofeasterireland Southbourne is lovely. Fantastic beach that doesn't get ridiculously busy in the summer and nice high street with good restaurants. 20 min walk to the beach or 15 mins to the river, and 5 mins in the car to Christchurch which is also nice. Short drive to the New Forest & the isle of Purbeck too.

Houses sell very fast here though!!

I haven't been to the centre of Bournemouth for ages - theres nothing there really anymore but when you live Southbourne/Christchurch you don't need to venture that way anyway.

@RebeccaBristol I can’t get the measurements of Christchurch at all. Where would be a good place to look for houses?

@mapofeasterireland What are your top criteria for house/area?

@RebeccaBristol that should say measure not measurements. I guess we are after a nice community with young kids about and decent schools. With Christchurch I’m just not sure where to start as I don’t know it.

Seen a few houses in our price range at jumpers corner? Is that decent?

My mum had the estate agents round to sell recently and was told the problem was that she wasn’t in Twynham catchment. So we’re in The Grange catchment. Which is why I was sent to St Peters instead.
St Peters has an utterly beautiful setting -you can’t beat having the post exam party on the beach. But it’s Catholic.

Local estate agents will all be able to tell you the Twynham catchment area.
The problem with St Peters is that the catchment is so wide (Friends live far away)