AIBU to be angry at my parents

[audreyandflorence]

I can’t sleep as I’m so angry.

My parents moved in with DP and I two months ago as they are renovating their house and it is uninhabitable. They will be with us at least another 2 months. This was never formally discussed and they just told us with 3 days notice when they were coming.

We have 2 dogs and they have brought the family dog. The family dog is heavily overweight but now also very old. My parents over feed. I made it clear that I wanted them to stop feeding my dogs outside of their normal meals. At dinner time, my mum has said “aww sorry girls mummy says I can’t give you anything” several times since. They obviously stopped listening and carried on feeding behind my back. I have been woken by my dog vomiting up the food given to her by my parents - leftovers from a meal out. Too rich and didn’t sit in her stomach well. Am I right in thinking this is just disrespectful?

The reason I’m questioning myself is that DP and I, to cope with my parents always being here, are going for a mini break next week before Christmas (we are hosting). My parents will look after the dogs as they will be in the house. I feel as though this is the main perk of them being here.

They’re also taking over every room, bits in every room they claim they need or they don’t see as clutter or mess when we are very minimalist and I’ve now had enough, but before I was ignoring it. DP is out the house everyday and it’s the only reason we’ve not all clashed earlier.

My parents aren’t financially contributing except that they buy the majority of groceries (mainly for them though). Mum does all the laundry and housework but the house is messier than when it was just the two of us.

I want to tell them how I feel in the morning and get across how angry I am so that maybe they’ll listen. But I want to make sure I’m right first.

Sympathies...but to be honest anyone who announces they are moving in with you for four months, with three days notice, and apparently without asking sounds a fucking nightmare and unlikely to listen to you.

In hindsight you should have got them out of bed to clean up the dog sick.

YANBU I would be majorly pissed off at them for making my dog puke.

God that sounds awful, i had that once with my dad, no boundaries, would spoil my daughter and go against my daily routine with her it would enrage me.

Also if my mum stays the night or weekend it turns into her place, she does housework like washing and emptying the dishwasher but would somehow cause me a couple of days worth of fixing what she has done. So its a weird one, shes "helping" but also not.

I feel your pain.

The dog thing, no way that is ok. You were clear , your dog is fed fine and she shouldn't mess with that but to then do it anyway is a total disrespect.

I would absolutely have it out. You can start with the dog thing as thats clearly the biggest point here, but id also say that as its another 2 months you would like things to change, their things to be in their room only, common living space needs to remain how it was. And the guilt trips need to stop, no more "mummy said i cant" that is so undermining and i would be fuming too! Best of luck, be firm! This is your house. Xxx

Ask them to take everything but the bare minimum to a storage unit, they can be rented for short periods and are cheap for the smaller spaces.

What kind of person embarks on a building project and descends on you with three days notice! They must have had weeks, if not months, to consider where they'd be staying.
And why on earth didn't you just say, 'No?'
Tell them it's not working and suggest a rental property?
But absolutely confine them to one room only even if you have tip all their stray belongings into a bin bag and dump them.

Why the hell did you let them move in? What's wrong with you? If they're renovating their house, they have money. They should have got an AirBnb

I would have got them out of bed to clean the vomit.

Learn to say the word no. Too many people think putting yourself and your needs first is selfish, it isn’t selfish, its basic self care.

@SimonJT

I would have got them out of bed to clean the vomit.

Learn to say the word no. Too many people think putting yourself and your needs first is selfish, it isn’t selfish, its basic self care.

Thank you, this is a message we all need to hear......

YABU to be so angry.
Show them the sick. Tell to attain, calmly that you do not want your dog's to get fast and unhealthy like the family dog and that if they continue to feed scraps they will be expected to come up the vomit. when it comes to mess and clutter, tell them to restrict their mess to their bedroom. They will be gone again soon so I would just put up with it.

I'd give them notice to leave to be honest.

This is unbelievable on so many fronts. As a pp said, why on Earth did you agree to letting them stay in the first place, and at such short notice? Buying and selling houses takes months so they must have had some idea when they would be needing temporary accommodation? Admittedly it must be difficult in the present crisis to find accommodation but, even so, 3 days?
Having people to stay is always fraught with problems, but you need to lay down some very firm ground rules today. Get them to pack up and box their clutter and maybe store it in their new property. Perhaps they could rent a summer holiday rental for the next few months, they are always cheaper over the winter season?
Sorry you are going through this, but for your own sanity you must be firm, otherwise you could all end up falling out permanently.

Every time their stuff escapes their bedroom, put it back.
They will eventually learn.
If they challenge this, just respond with, ‘this is how we live here’.
The dogs are more difficult, I would put vomit clean up on them if they continue to feed the dogs the wrong thing.

They are never going to listen to you

They will be gone again soon so I would just put up with it.

Soon?! They’ll be there 2 months!

OP, you need to put your foot down. And leave the mess for them to clean.

What does your dad do when your mum is cleaning and doing the laundry?!

Honestly I’d put the dogs in the kennels while you’re away and make sure they know exactly why you’re doing it. Unfortunately putting them on vomit duty won’t work in the long term as your dogs will become more tolerant of the richer food.

One thing I’ve done with my mum is given her her own supply of acceptable snacks, that they now add to their own shopping list. Could you maybe do that and then reduce the amount you give them yourself. Billypup always has half a breakfast and a longer walk on granny days.

It’s a tricky situation for you as I’m sure you don’t want to damage your relationship with them, I’m sure many mn will disagree with me as yes they are absolutely being cf, but they’re your parents and you will have an ongoing relationship with them.

Try and let the other stuff go and just come up with a workable solution for the dogs.

My dogs adore my mum, more than me, always have probably because of the feeding. My mum is amazing and I love her to bits. We have never had this issue which is why I’m scared almost to confront it. My dad is trickier.

They vomit occurred at 3am so I obviously cleaned it but now all sheets need cleaning - I’ll ask mum to do this.

I will not kick them out. It is 2 months and my parents aren’t wealthy. We grew up in poverty, my mum inherited a decent chunk of money which they are using to change the house for the first time and make it more disabled friendly as my dad has few mobility conditions (broken back, some kind of pressure on spine that causes paralysis and rheumatoid arthritis).

I’ve never spoken back to my parents and I’m so used to being obedient. But it’s fucked me off and it’s MY house.