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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this was a bit gross!!

27 replies

UpTheStairsToBedfordshire · 09/12/2020 23:15

A family member owns a holiday let and invited us to come to stay. They were staying at the time too, as they often do when they dont have bookings. They gave us their bedroom and slept in a different room so that DH and I could share the double bed.

One particular night, we had quite a few drinks. Once we went to bed, DH and I had sex. I know we were extremely quiet as we always are due to DC sleeping in bedrooms next door at home. Also, the other bedroom that my relative was in was far enough away to be certain they wouldn't have heard anything, but I woke up in the morning and felt awful about it as we really shouldn't have done that in their bed. We were staying with them for a week so we should have just held off. It was DH who instigated it and I think alcohol was definitely a factor.

This was a couple of months back and I still feel pretty awful about it.

I'm building it up in my head to be something terrible and am dreading seeing said family member in future.

YABU - you really shouldnt have done that
YANBU - its not that big a deal

OP posts:
OohImBlindedByTheLights · 09/12/2020 23:18

Whilst it not something I would personally do, I wouldn't beat myself up about it. There will be maaaaaanny people who have done this, but get ready for the yabu and that's disgusting - how would you like it if they done that in your bed comments.

Original poster
UpTheStairsToBedfordshire · 09/12/2020 23:29

Thanks for the reply Ooh. Ive been really worked up over this. It's not something that I thought I would do either but I think alcohol just lowered my inhibitions.

OP posts:
CorianderQueen · 09/12/2020 23:29

Not really a big deal, it was your bed for a week and you were on holiday.

You had sex, you didn't shit in the bed.

Lou98 · 09/12/2020 23:32

I don't think it's a big deal personally as long as you stripped the sheets after, you were on holiday, many people have done it so YANBU.

However, if you left the sheets for them to change then you are BU I'd feel

ILoveYoga · 09/12/2020 23:32

Surely you just change the sheets when you leave. Why would anyone think a couple sleeping together wouldn’t have sex? Isn’t that why they gave you their bed as you say so you and your DH could sleep in a double bed?

MiddleClassProblem · 09/12/2020 23:32

I think regardless of whether anyone thinks you should have done it or not, the main issue is that it is still haunting you. You can’t do anything about it, it’s not the worst crime of the century. You need to put this to bed in your own head.

It’s months ago. Time to move on. Everyone is ok and nothing can change what happened.

MrsHugsxx · 09/12/2020 23:36

I don't think it's that bad. I couldn't go a week without shagging my DH. As long as you were discreet, it's fine. If they would be that bothered about it, they wouldn't have given you their bed.

Elouera · 09/12/2020 23:40

What are you expecting them to say to you? This was months back, so I dont understand why you are so worried now?

You are an adult couple, on a holiday and presumably didnt the leave the sheets with bodily fluids/shit/urine on them? I can understand feeling a bit off in THEIR bed, but unless you left it in a state or were screaming out loud, how would they even know?

Even if they did hear you, surely they'd be too embarrassed to bring it up! Would they really say 'hi ....., remember that holiday we had? You guys were having such a raucious, sexy time! We were listening in and hearing all your moves!!!' I'm sure this would never be brought up!

Original poster
UpTheStairsToBedfordshire · 09/12/2020 23:42

I do have a history of catastrophising, which it seems is what i have been doing here. Thanks so much for the replies and the reassurance. I honestly thought I would be told how awful I am so its a huge relief.

OP posts:
Serin · 09/12/2020 23:43

Did you go to Catholic school (like me) OP?
It's a very minor thing to feel so guilty about.

Tenyearsgone · 09/12/2020 23:46

I don't understand why you feel awful?

It's just a bed.

bodhi1982 · 09/12/2020 23:50

Omg honestly it's nothing to get worked up about , I thought the story was going to end with they walked in or you broke the bed!

Plonque · 09/12/2020 23:51

If it was their private house I'd say it was a bit icky but It's a holiday let, I'm guessing several guests will have shagged on every surface possible! Don't worry about it.

BeardieWeirdie · 10/12/2020 00:18

I voted YABU forgetting the bit where you said it’s a holiday let and thinking it was their private bed. YANBU - holidays are for having sex! Nearly everyone else renting it will have done the same. Stop worrying!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/12/2020 00:21

Its a holiday let. Do you know how many people will have had sex in the bed! Assuming they do actually get bookings.

TheDogisBarkingAgain · 10/12/2020 00:23

I wouldn't mind if a couple staying in my home had sex. As long as they're in their bed with the door closed and not making loads of noise. I'd appreciate them stripping the bed at the end of their stay and not leaving any evidence of their sex life around for me to find eg used condoms but if I somehow knew they'd had sex I wouldn't think they're gross or anything. Try not to worry about it.

Catsup · 10/12/2020 00:31

100% sure they will not have slept in the bed themselves without changing the sheets after you left.... Problem solved!

DinkyDiggies · 10/12/2020 00:41

You are a married couple. They would have expected you to have sex. That was why they gave you the double bed.
If it’s a holiday let, the most likely have mattress protectors and would have put a clean sheet on.

BritWifeinUSA · 10/12/2020 01:44

If it’s a holiday let it’s not “their” bed. The majority of the time there will be random paying strangers sleeping (and having sex) in it. Or do you assume that all of their paying guests don’t have sex in the beds?

frayday · 10/12/2020 01:51

I wouldn't give it a second thought really, but if it's bothering you months later then for your own sanity shouldn't have done it. Your torturing yourself for no reason will be disasterous for your mental health. Don't do anything that causes you this much upset. If you can't move on just tell them, get it out in the open see they aren't bothered and allow yourself to get over it x

Gardeniaofdelights · 10/12/2020 02:39

I don’t think this is a big deal at all. Surely most people would expect that a couple sharing a bed on holiday together for a week would have sex?!

DigitalChristmas · 10/12/2020 02:54

@Plonque

If it was their private house I'd say it was a bit icky but It's a holiday let, I'm guessing several guests will have shagged on every surface possible! Don't worry about it.
This
ChestnutStuffing · 10/12/2020 03:01

Oh dear - I voted the wrong way!

FTR I think you should not worry about this. I would not care if it was my bed, I'd think it was pretty normal. I really wouldn't even mind changing the sheets so long as you hadn't done something very obviously exotic. Hotel workers do it every day, its not that big a deal.

JovialNickname · 10/12/2020 03:22

Don't worry about it! I read your whole post waiting for the punchline - she made a point of washing the jazz stained sheets, or joked about you no longer being a virgin, or sat you down for an embarrassing talk. She doesn't even know or care so it's honestly a non event! x

Monty27 · 10/12/2020 03:35

OP I've had couples sleep as guests in my bed.
After they leave I change the bedding and don't think much of whether they had sex or not. I just always hope they felt welcome and at home and had a lovely time 🙂