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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DP is being a bit harsh?

17 replies

mommathatwearspink · 09/12/2020 23:05

We visited DP’s Nan late afternoon today. She’s in her 70’s. DC (6 & 3) love seeing her and she treats them like royalty. They love playing behind her sofas and get all giggly but they can get a bit loud sometimes. Just harmless childhood fun... probably memories they will remember for years to come.

DP told them off and numerous times and told them they had to sit and play on the floor quietly.

Something just doesn’t sit right with me here. They are well behaved children who are just a tad over-excited and having fun at Nana’s house. Let kids be kids I say. But who’s being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

AnathemaPulsifer · 09/12/2020 23:07

I bet his Nan loves hearing them giggling away. Is he usually a miserable git?

HeddaGarbled · 09/12/2020 23:08

Don’t know. Was his Nan OK with their behaviour?

AndcalloffChristmas · 09/12/2020 23:09

What did she think? That’s surely the important point of view, not your DP’s.

ScottishStottie · 09/12/2020 23:10

What did their nan think about the noise?

I know family members of that generation like to see children but not hear them. Perhaps he knew that the noise wouldnt be appreciated?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2020 23:10

What does a "bit loud" mean? It could me something very different to you than it does to your partner. Playing behind the sofa? You mean between the wall and the sofa?

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 09/12/2020 23:10

Maybe he just thought that his Nan would prefer a calmer atmosphere?

Original poster

mommathatwearspink · 09/12/2020 23:10

She’s usually on her own so the noise may come as an initial shock but she loves seeing them giggling that’s for sure. I’ve noticed recently that he’s becoming more impatient with them... such as DC laughing in the back of the car and he told them to be quiet.

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 09/12/2020 23:12

Impossible to say. Presumably your husband knows his grandma better than you do and may be able to read her 'tells' better than you.

Is he in the habit of repeatedly scolding them for "kids being kids"? If not, then maybe that lends credence to the idea he knew it was getting a bit much for grandma?

LtJudyHopps · 09/12/2020 23:14

Yes your loud and my loud could be worlds apart! My Nan loves her great-grandkids but two in particular are VERY loud, they’re screamers. She loves them dearly but it goes straight through her. To their mum it’s normal and she doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

liveitwell · 09/12/2020 23:14

I find when my partner gets like this, that it often coincides with him feeling unusually stressed/pressured. Maybe have a chat, check he's feeling ok as you've noticed he seems more on edge recently.

YANBU though. If nan was happy then it's lovely they have such fun there.

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/12/2020 23:14

Your DP knows his nan best and can probably tell when the children are getting too loud or are making her uncomfortable by crawling behind her sofas/furniture. He’s probably picking up on her nonverbal cues of discomfort that the children need a quick warning to quiet down and play on the floor.

Original poster

mommathatwearspink · 09/12/2020 23:15

They certainly aren’t screamers and I wouldn’t put up with that either. This was just giggles.

OP posts:

fatherliamdeliverance · 10/12/2020 00:03

If you're certain that the kids weren't being too noisy for the nan, please speak to your DP about this.

My dad was constantly on our case about noise, being told to shut up, calm down, stop showing off all throughout childhood and to be honest it was pretty unpleasant and alongside wider criticism, I think has affected my confidence into adulthood (not to say he wouldn't have had a point at times but I was actually quite a quiet child).

FalldereedilIdo · 10/12/2020 11:04

Noise can be a very different thing for older people though OP, it's worth considering that when someone's hearing deteriorates with age high pitched sounds can sound much louder and be very distorted, making it hard for them to follow conversation, no matter how much they in themselves would like to let the kids be themselves. If this a problem in other settings then maybe chat to your DP and see if he's a bit stressed generally.

Chamomileteaplease · 10/12/2020 11:28

It could be that your dh is being harsh.

Or it could be that these "giggles" were really annoying for him and his grandmother. Presumably you three were trying to have a conversation while all this was going on?

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2020 11:40

It could be he is being harsh or it could be they were trying to have a conversation and it was difficult to conduct.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 10/12/2020 11:43

Your DP sounds like a misery abs that he spoilt the visit. Children that are constantly told shush will not do well. They will also hate him. Is he their father?

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