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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking DD for a walk after surgery?

24 replies

OrangeSquashPlease · 09/12/2020 14:41

Dd is 6, she had surgery in hospital last week. She was in for 4 days after it (it was on her nose).

On discharge the consultant said that from the day the bandage came off she was able to go for short walks at least every other day but wasn’t well enough to go back to school yet.

I believe fresh air aids recovery and we live in a beautiful little town with canal walks and some lovely parks. I am also a single parent, and while I am used to planning to be unable to leave the house for days at a time (due to DDs specific medical issues) I hate it and at my first opportunity I go for a walk and get some air.

We’ve been for a walk every day since the bandage came off. DDs face looks a bit battered and bruised due to surgery and she’s tiring quickly so we’ve stayed close to home but she’s enjoyed a bit of fresh air and I believe letting the air get to her wounds is really helping them heal.

While out today I was running some errands nothing that couldn’t wait but as we were in town (DD wanted to see the Christmas Decorations) I decided to do it, we also stopped at the sweet shop as DDs been so super over the last few days and had some pocket money from ExH to spend.

As we were coming out we were spotted by a neighbour who was absolutely insistent that if DD is well enough to be walking round town with me, she’s well enough to be back at school and I’m permanently damaging her education and life chances by not sending her. She has children at DDs school so could well tell someone there she saw us.

I’m not worried as I told school she’s not well enough to be back but well enough for short walks and we have popped into school once this week to get some worksheets and the head made a fuss of her but said she wasn’t well enough in her opinion to be back yet. The biggest risk of school at the moment is being knocked but there’s also the infection risk with DD possibly messing with or picking at her wounds.

So AIBU to take DD for walks without sending her to school?

OP posts:

Marshmallow91 · 09/12/2020 14:45

Yanbu. Tell the nosey cow to mind her own business.

teateateateateamoretea · 09/12/2020 14:45

It's not any of her business, is it? She's 6, what is she missing, advanced trigonometry? War an Peace? Hope you told her to jog on.

apostropheuse · 09/12/2020 14:45

No of course you're not being unreasonable and it's none of your neighbour's business. Ignore her and follow medical advice as to when she should be going back to school.

IsFinnRogersDead · 09/12/2020 14:48

A short walk with you vs a whole day in school with lots of other kids? Totally different scenario and perhaps the Attendance Police should have thought before having a go.

Thefirsttime · 09/12/2020 14:48

As we were coming out we were spotted by a neighbour who was absolutely insistent that if DD is well enough to be walking round town with me, she’s well enough to be back at school

Unless your neighbour is the surgeon who operated on your daughter’s nose, ignore her and it is none of her business.

twinklespells · 09/12/2020 14:54

Nosey Parker. The risk of getting bumped alone would be a worry for me, and avoiding school for now for that reason seems sensible. Hope she is feeling better OP and not missing her friends too much

lazyarse123 · 09/12/2020 15:09

@Marshmallow91

Yanbu. Tell the nosey cow to mind her own business.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

ZaraW · 09/12/2020 15:13

YABU to post you know already YANBU. You are following consultant's advice. It's nobody else's business.

elliejjtiny · 09/12/2020 15:13

Yanbu. I have done similar myself

RB68 · 09/12/2020 15:16

You daughter is not sick but in recovery and on Dr recommendation not back in school yet. Tell her to mind her own business and look to her own children rather than poking her nose in other peoples business.

If she persists ask her which specific medical qualifications she has and can you see the certificates

sunnyday1976 · 09/12/2020 15:17

My DD had surgery a few years ago and needed to be off school for 2 weeks. We went out often, short shopping trips, cafes etc once she was ready and comfortable. If you've been advised not to send her to school they wouldn't want her in anyway. School will want her to be completely recovered when she goes back, they wouldn't want to be constantly monitoring/checking on her/making sure she doesn't damage her surgery site. Let the nosey neighbour tell school, hopefully school will tell her to mind her own business!!

Kanaloa · 09/12/2020 15:18

Of course yanbu. Your neighbour sounds nosy and rude. Hopefully your daughter recovers quickly.

Sirzy · 09/12/2020 15:21

Ds has had many operations and needed to be off school after, we have still gone out within his ability at that point, same when he has been off ill. There is a big difference between a short walk and a long day in school.

Before now we have even walked to school (pre arranged and pre pandemic of course) to visit!

B1rthis · 09/12/2020 15:24

"Are you medically trained in X area which DD is undergoing treatment? No. Okay, I'll be continuing to follow doctors orders and not the neighbours."
Next.

Starlightstarbright1 · 09/12/2020 15:25

Nosey neighbour is not a doctor and not her mum .. none of her business.

Clymene · 09/12/2020 15:28

If the consultant says she's not well enough to go back, you're not worried and the head has said she thinks your DD should stay off, why are you even giving this person any headspace?
Do you just want confirmation that she's a dick?

She's a dick.

willowsmumsy · 09/12/2020 15:28

YANBU keeping her off school
Whilst training to be a consultant I was on sick leave after surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. My first trip out was to the local John Lewis opening about 4 weeks after my surgery. It was the first time I'd been out for longer than 5 minutes.
I ended up being in the local TV news segment about the shop opening, looking at a pair of shoes 😳
Fortunately my trainer had children at the same school, so knew I wasn't lying.
People can easily misinterpret the situation but you know you're doing the right thing.

snookercue · 09/12/2020 15:32

As we were coming out we were spotted by a neighbour who was absolutely insistent that if DD is well enough to be walking round town with me, she’s well enough to be back at school

She would have got a fuck off from me.

byebyeboyee · 09/12/2020 16:37

If anyone says anything again say you didn't realize they were a surgeon and child psychologist and you will take their concerns to the surgeon whose she's under...cheeky cow

MrsClatterbuck · 09/12/2020 17:26

None of your neighbour's business. You don't have to but you could say that you are following the medical advice and that the headteacher is totally on board with what you are doing. I really don't know why people do this and stick their noses into other peoples business. Read time and time again about remarks people make even to complete strangers. I would never think to do this unless someone asked my opinion or I knew someone really well and had gauged the situation. I once was off after surgery and was told by the nurse attached to my company (this was in the days before occupational health) that I was to get out and about and not to be staying in the house. Tbh I had been staying in and was getting a bit too comfortable not going out. It was better for my mental health to get myself out there. Also going out for a short walk is not the same as a full day at school same as going out meeting a friend for coffee is not the same as a full days work with an hour commute at either end,

MrsClatterbuck · 09/12/2020 17:30

@willowsmumsy

YANBU keeping her off school Whilst training to be a consultant I was on sick leave after surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. My first trip out was to the local John Lewis opening about 4 weeks after my surgery. It was the first time I'd been out for longer than 5 minutes. I ended up being in the local TV news segment about the shop opening, looking at a pair of shoes 😳 Fortunately my trainer had children at the same school, so knew I wasn't lying. People can easily misinterpret the situation but you know you're doing the right thing.

Two weeks after my surgery I went with my DH to Mark's to get some handy meals. I thought I wasn't too bad but after 30 mins I was knackered and felt like I was 90 and not early thirties.

Holothane · 09/12/2020 17:32

Who the hell does she think she is, nosy bitch.

Original poster

OrangeSquashPlease · 09/12/2020 18:02

Thank you everyone.

I posted as I didn't know whether it was the done the thing to stay in all the time after surgery. Obviously if she was off with a tummy bug or a bad cold I'd keep her inside for the specified time but I didn't know with surgery as last time she had surgery she was only 2 so it didn't matter if we were seen out as she was only at Nursery.

OP posts:

willowsmumsy · 09/12/2020 20:33

It's important to gradually increase the amount of activity. No one can expect her to be isolated at home, then suddenly able to manage a full day at school!

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