To feel jealous that so many others have found love so easily?

[Turbotastic]

I am aware I'm probably being unreasonable but at this time of year I'm feeling particularly at a loss and sorry for myself 😞

I left an abusive marriage with a drug addict almost a decade ago and I was still quite young at the time. Felt like I was finally free and had my life ahead of me.

In that time I've watched multiple people split with their long term partners (some of whom they have kids with) and almost immediately get with someone else. In time they've gone on to marry and sometimes have kids with them too. Yet I have had many dates, some with absolute nutcases and perverts and 2 relationships which ultimately ended in cheating (by them) and heartbreak and now I'm staring down the barrel of middle age and still alone. The dating prospects are not great judging by the online profiles I've seen and I'm so jaded by being hurt over and over I'm wondering if there's any point bothering anymore.

I'm so lonely and quite jealous that SO many people I know seem to have found the love of their lives so quickly and easily after a relationship breakdown yet I am still struggling so much. I know comparison is the thief of joy and all that but I do feel so worthless sometimes when I seem to be the odd one out who can't find anyone decent to love me 😞

YANBU to want to find someone to love and treasure you. But if you are consistently dating a range of perverts, nutcases and cheats something is very wrong with your creep radar and I'd really suggest you take a look at why that is. Abusive relationships can skew your boundaries and make you really vulnerable to bad men, and I worry this is what's happening to you.

To be fair they haven't all been freaks, some were very nice we just weren't compatible for whatever reason and some I saw the red flags quickly so didn't pursue it any further. Some were a lot better at hiding their true selves and lying to me so those were the ones who I ended up in relationships with.

I have realised though that I need to work on myself and how I interact with men. My bullshit detector needs some work. I'm intending to do the freedom program one way or another as I just cannot deal with another serious relationship failure. I need to break the cycle.

[Potentially unpopular opinion warning ]

If you're attracted to immoral or damaging characters, I think the first step is not going for people you have that immediate sexual rush for. This sounds totally counterintuitive, but when I have a response of intense sexual attraction to somebody (particularly when it involves daydreaming) I try my best to switch it off as I've kind of established that attraction as my body actually telling me "this person is not a good person / dangerous / whatever my spidey intuitive senses should actually be telling me". Not saying this is your scenario, but I've got quite a lot of childhood and sexual damage and I notice this is what helps for me personally because my attraction is skewed. Go for men who you feel safe, comfortable and calm surrounding rather than passionate.

Re; the jealousy and worry aspect, there are good men out there. I know it's hard to find because the ones you see most are usually the brash, in your face ones (especially on dating apps) but if you try and expand your circle of prospects a little bit and invest in men who you might not usually go for there's a chance it'll be a pleasant surprise.

However, the number one top thing I could recommend is working on yourself. What do you think you would gain from a relationship right now, and why do you feel the need to compare your situations to those around you? Do you want a relationship for the security / social confidence of saying you have one or do you truly want to dedicate your time and energy into loving someone?
If any of these questions result in an answer that you're not particularly happy with, then you know the steps you need to take to help yourself and subsequently make yourself a potentially better partner. (I'd also say get off social media, but I say that to everyone!).

Anyway, bit of a tangent but you're not alone! You are a whole and complete person just as you are right now, and you should spend time putting all of the love and affection you want to give to other people into yourself. Best of luck, OP, sorry if this was a bit tangent-y!