To think my baby hates me and I don’t know why?

[diversity101]

My 4 month old baby hates me. She always just wants her dad and never me. I maybe get a couple of smiles a day but she is all giggles and smiles as soon as she sees her dad. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. She seems to hate when I hold her.

She’s happy with everyone else but me. This morning I went to say hi when her dad was holding her and she turned away from me. I’m in tears wondering what on earth I have done wrong.

Oh honey you have done nothing wrong... She does not hate you... She doesn't have those type of feelings yet...
You are her primary carer... So everyone else is different and new and therefore you get to see all her character...

Its likely that you are now stuck in a cycle.. You feel uncomfortable around her as feel she hates you... She picks up on the fact that you aren't relaxed so plays up... You feel worse etc etc

Honestly... Relax.. Try to enjoy and it will get better

You have done nothing wrong, my eldest was exactly the same.. At 10 minutes old looked at me like I was a complete disappointment and looked at her dad with adoration... She still completely loves her dad they bonded instinctively.. but we have an amazing relationship now.. in my experience that initial bonding is really strong ., and I struggled hugely that my first smiled at everyone but me.. But keep the faith.. Every bit of love you give lays amazing foundations..

Oh OP I had the same trouble with my ds who is now 13. He would smile for everyone but me! It all changed at about six months and now we are so close. He is lovely and we have a great bond. It'll get better...

At that age they think they’re part of you, or practically you. Please don’t worry, I went through similar with dd2 (now 4). She absolutely does not hate you. Babies, toddlers and children are all quirky in their own way, it’s not personal, I’ve still not got the hang of it. As pp said, at 4 months old they’re not feeling hate, she loves you.

Oh poor you feeling like this. Of course she doesn't hate you. Do you feel generally happy about everything else? I got post natal depression and I thought DS2 hated me. Ask for help if you need to. It was amazing when I did.

Ps he didn't and is my cuddly 13!year old now!

This is completely normal, your baby is so comfortable with you and relaxed with you. Other faces who are not with them all day may stir up a little excitement or interest causing her to react with more smiles and giggles. Give it a few months when they hit the clingy stage and they won't go to anyone but you. Your look back at this. Sounds like your a Brill mum and your baby feels quite the opposite to hate towards you x

Oh lovely she does not hate you. Babies are weird- I’ve got two and they only seem to be getting weirder the more that I have so Christ help this next one. My eldest adores her dad, always has done. I think in her list of “people I like” I’m about number 6 behind her dad, my parents, the in laws and her brother. Her brother on the other hand? Mummy’s boy.

Do you feel otherwise ok? Or are you struggling a little? It could be worth a chat with your HV or GP- not because I’m suggesting you’re depressed, but because sometimes it helps to offload or brain Dino everything you’re thinking and feeling on to someone whose job it is to give helpful advice and good suggestions. It of course she doesn’t hate you, you’re her mam- how ever cold she possibly hate you?

A psychiatrist told me that this is a sign that the baby has a really good/strong attachment to you. Your baby definitely doesn't hate you, they just know that you'll always be there for them.

My now 5 yr old was just like this. I was upset about it and a few people told me that it was because she had no idea we weren’t the same person - as in I was always there; day-night-milk-nappies. I just didn’t need smiling at. Your DD isn’t old enough to have emotions like that, you are her constant and she needs and wants you

At that age baby thinks you and them are one person, they don't realise for a while yet that you aren't. Do you look at your arm and smile? That's all it is. Baby will realise at one point that you aren't connected and you can leave them and then they will.be super clingy! Baby definitely doesn't hate you. Have u got enough support? It must be hard at the moment with everything going on. Mine is 4 now but I didn't realise how far I'd slipped into a black hole until I had been back at work 6 months or so and it makes me sad to think back on how I felt at the time. xx

I remember this exact feeling. I was convinced my DS hated me. It definitely doesn't help when everyone around kept saying 'oh he loves his daddy' 'look how he looks at his dad' definitely a daddy's boy' etc. 11 months later and they have the most beautiful bond still, but so do we.

Babies can be very fickle at times. Don't worry

My DD is also 4 months and smiles and giggles for her dad all day long, she occasionally will smile at me but most of the time doesn’t even look at me she turns away a lot too. I try to just tell myself that it doesn’t mean anything and I should be happy he’s hands on and they have a good bond. It’s a bit shite especially as people make comments that she’s not clingy for a BF baby and will happily go to anyone. I know it will pass but can’t help feel sad about it. Handhold for you, definitely know how you feel! Possibly something to do with this age?

OP I remember feeling like this around that time. My DH got lovely smiles from our baby, the first laugh and it felt like all I got was the whining and crying. I think the smell of milk from me made her more unsettled in general when I held her.

The tables have turned now at 8 months. DD whines when DH picks her up after returning from work until he hands her over to me.

Babies have their quirks! Trust me you’ve done nothing wrong.

Thanks everyone for your stories. It’s really helped. It’s so hard when you feel like you are giving it your all, doing all the solid nappies, covered in vomit and her dad shows up just before bedtime and the fussing is over! I’m tying to not take it personally. We also have plenty of fun throughout the day just the two of us.