What are the signs of someone trying to make you look mentally unstable ?

[Haveacrackingday]

What are the signs of someome trying to make out their partner is mentally unstable ?

Probably that you already think that. Can you give an example? Exh used to deny I had said things or done things.

He's saying I need to sort my head out and that he is trying to help me - nothing wrong with my head!! I've put up with a hell of a lot of crap from in-laws and I'm starting to stand up for myself and he doesn't like that! I'm always too sensitive or taking it the wrong way, this weekend he said I needed to sort my head out because I ordered a corona test as dc has a cough, ( that's on another thread )
He won't let us try for another baby because things aren't right and after 10 years still won't get engaged despite saying he wants it, he controls all the money I haven't even been to do Xmas shopping because I'd have to ask how much I can spend ! just had this over whelming feeling this morning that he is trying to make me out to be " not right " because he thinks I can't cope without him and won't leave ! Or wants me to think that !!

Google gaslighting

As an example my ex husband tells people im trying to get him into bed he will randomly call a few times hanging up so I call him then he says yes what do you want? So I never ring him now everything in wrighting even if he "pocket dials" me

Read your update Google financial abuse

And women's aid

And homes to rent

Ok so you’re in a controlling relationship

• gaslighting
• financial control

That’s for starters

He doesn't withhold money from me if I want some I can ask for some and he'll hand the card over or transfer it, just googled gas lighting and there's a few on there that stick out

Why don’t you have your own card and income?

Why do you want to marry him?

@Haveacrackingday

He doesn't withhold money from me if I want some I can ask for some and he'll hand the card over or transfer it, just googled gas lighting and there's a few on there that stick out

You should have equal access to the money; one account, two cards so he’s not “gatekeeper”.

Alternatively you have your seperate accounts your individual earnings go in but that’s rarer.

This is basic stuff. You should not have to ask your husband for money.

You shouldn't have to ask for money! That's the point!

Why would you want to marry or have a baby with an abusive prick?

I'm a sahm which was agreed when we tried for dd, I did want to marry him, he has strung me along for 2 years saying we would try for a baby soon and be engaged etc silly me believed him

You mention “another baby” in your OP.

Have you a child with him already?

Yes have one dc with him.

Not sure I even want to write this because it makes me sound like an utter cow but all weekend well since Thursday he's been saying he feels really unwell and a few times told me he was really worried he'd got cancer or that he would die in his sleep !!! Now please bear in mind 3 out of those 5 evenings he played football and has eaten normally ( he said his stomach hurt all weekend ) he's a healthy lad in his 30's and I'm really not sure what to make of it !!
He rang the doctor who told him it's probably stress ( ibs which I've lived with my whole life so know how painful it can be ) and to book bloods !! This was last week and he " forgot " to book bloods !! All this is going on and I'm not sure what to make of it to be honest

You seem to be being a bit dense here. Read your posts back as if a future daughter wrote them. Would you straight away tell her to leave her controlling and abusive partner. Of course you would. You need to get some clarity on exactly what is happening here.

@Leftrightatthelights that's very rude to say to someone who is obviously distressed.
If you are living in the midst of a bubble like this your sense of normal will be skewed.

OP I read your other thread too and think he is playing games to keep you where he wants you.
You and DC will probably be happier without him.

Thankyou @schoolcook glad to know I'm not dense

@Leftrightatthelights no I wouldn't like it for my daughter and I'd tell her to run for the hills but at the moment I am really struggling with the emotional abuse being thrown at me and making me feel like it's me who isn't right

Sweetie, first question : Do you still love him? Think really well about this answer and don't confuse habit love with real love.
Second, in my home country we have saying " Make yourself brother with the devil until you cross the bridge". So sort yourself financially , as quiet as possible, and get out. Your mental health won't take much more of this for long and he won't like when you will stand for yourself.
Been there, got the T-shirt and I'm out.

Telling someone they are over sensitive is a bully's tactic.

If someone starts doing that with you - and continues - walk away and treat it with the contempt it deserves.

You have to show self confidence, WorkingMule.

I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was trying to make you look at the situation through another persons eyes and realise what it is which is abusive, I hope you get the help you need to leave

If you're asking - leave

OP, your best bet would be to call Women's Aid for some specialist advice. When it comes to an abusive relationship it is rarely as simple as "just leave" and leaving can cause the abuse to escalate so you need to steps to make sure you're able to leave safely. They will be able to advise you on how to do this and what services are available in your area to help you do this.