Complaining to schools never works

[Coldpotatoesainthot]

Quick survey...am interested in people’s experience of submitting complaints to school- infant, junior or senior.

I am not being unreasonable is if your experience is that a legitimate complaint to a school results generally results in them picking on your child until you drop complaint

I am being unreasonable if you disagree with the above statement.

Ime teaching staff are too professional to 'pick on' a child because of a parental complaint. How you will be viewed depends on the nature of the complaint and how you complained though.

YABU.

I have never 'complained' but I have often over the years approached the school about educational / social issues my DC were having, with a view to finding an agreed solution.

I guess it depends what you complain about, and how. Many parents on MN seem to want to go in all guns blazing instead of a more 'lets work together' approach.

I complained about the mishandling of a bullying situation, had the Head on the phone twice the same day, having clearly done a lot of investigating between the two calls, had a productive phone conversation with the class teacher involved shortly after, and the whole class did some bullying awareness activities focusing on understanding that it's OK to tell someone in authority etc.

I couldn't fault the response. No one is treating DS any differently.

@WartyWorry

Ime teaching staff are too professional to 'pick on' a child because of a parental complaint. How you will be viewed depends on the nature of the complaint and how you complained though.

Hmm I’m not sure about that actually. I don’t think it is necessarily commonplace but it’s not unheard of either. And I am a teacher.

Mind you I’m quite fortunate and I’ve only had an angry parent in once, and to be honest that was understandable. She soon calmed down, she was just upset her daughter was upset.

Primary teacher of 30 years. I wouldn't dream of picking on a child because of something his/her parent said, even if it was unreasonable. I'm really shocked if this has been your experience.

The closest I came to a complaint was when DD's photo was published in local paper in a group shot. HT had already seen it and was very apologetic and tightened up procedures even more. (Paper was meant to OK the shot before use and hadn't. Changed to school viewing all shots before photographer left the site, deleting all those with non-permitted children.)

@Bookworm65

Primary teacher of 30 years. I wouldn't dream of picking on a child because of something his/her parent said, even if it was unreasonable. I'm really shocked if this has been your experience.

This has been my quite extreme experience twice...different schools and different children. And I am generally viewed as a very reasonable and balanced person. Am just curious as to whether I have been unlucky or this is indeed ‘a thing’. Am very encouraged by first responses that see a more positive reaction from schools...I want to keep my faith in human nature and the system.

I’m a chair of governors, and deal with a fair amount of complaints over the years. Schools, in my experience, have been professional and no child ever gets picked on because of a complaint. If people didn’t bring up complaints things that aren’t right would never improve. We are all learning and feedback, positive or negative is treated with respect and a chance to change where we haven’t got something quite right.

We have kids in 4 schools over the years. 3 I couldn’t fault they are absolutely fantastic but in the 4th school the head is completely ineffective on bullying. My DD has dyslexia, 2 teachers she had aged 9 one used to hold her back every day at break time to finish her work because she was slower due to the dyslexia. This went on for months before DD told us because although she was upset, she didn’t realise it was wrong and on the same day she also told us her Maths teacher kept putting her on the “babies” or “super babies” table in his classroom due to difficulties she had in his class. The super babies table was filled with kids from her learning support group.

The head was effin useless but DH was very effective in dealing with both of the teachers and they never put a toe out of line again. I couldn’t go I would have told them exactly what I thought of their bullying ways. I actually think DH did tell them straight but he works in construction and is extremely used to dealing effectively with confrontation.

The main teacher had my other DD years later, whom she lived and used to wax lyrical about DD in notes home but still yuck.

Separately at my elder DDs graduation from that same school the whole ceremony was taken up by the head trying to convince the now 12 year old kids not to literally kill each other up town after they finished, the bullying had gotten so far out of hand. The police were down at the school and down the town for the rest of the day. Ironically outside of that the school is amazing. Huge opportunities for learning instruments, every sport known to man or woman, amazing drama.

So OP I won’t vote but I have come across great head teachers and very poor ones on bullying.

I am not being unreasonable is if your experience is that a legitimate complaint to a school results generally results in them picking on your child until you drop complaint

This is nonsense

I would have agreed at one point. We had an awful school experience with ds1 in one year. No matter what I did I came away feeling spoken down to and belittled. I am the furthest thing from a shrinking violet , nor am I a shouter or behave unreasonably. I used to resolve social care complaints for a living. The whole experience actually really destroyed my confidence.

In fairness though I had to raise an admittedly small but important issue with ds2 teacher and honestly I was and still am impressed at how they handled it. It was quite an issue and effectively ended with me complaining about her to her personally (politely ). I was really worried after our previous experience but honestly she was brilliant took it on board , she challenged what she felt she needed to and it was resolved for both sides.

I do now honestly think it depends on the school and the teacher. Ds1 previous teacher did a huge amount of damage , I admit I have little time for certain behaviours and she picked on many children (basically the children that were either not neurotypical or in one of ds1 classmates cases came from a low social economic background. To the point she would discuss really inappropriate things about childrens backgrounds in front of her son who came round to her classroom for childcare at the end of the school day) but I absolutely cannot fault ds2 teacher. She handled it brilliantly and it changed.

Not in my experience...not to say it doesn’t ever happen

Ive not complained too much to be honest so that could be a factor

I have heard the opposite, that a complaining parent would likely guarantee the star of the week/month/head teacher award just to get rid of the parents!

I am not sure either are true frankly. I have made a few complaints, nothing really heavy, never had an issue around them myself.

Depends on whether it’s private or state sadly

Private schools are much more proactive

@TramaDollface

Depends on whether it’s private or state sadly

Private schools are much more proactive

I have found the opposite. If your face doesn't fit at a private school then it doesn't matter how legitimate your complaint is. (after I removed ds the school in question was hit with a notice to improve on the very issues (SEN/equality/safeguarding) that we had problems with and the head resigned with no notice).

On the other hand the issues I had at the state school he went on to were resolved much more amicably. I didn't always agree with them, but I could see their reasononing and that they were doing their best for all students.

basically the children that were either not neurotypical or in one of ds1 classmates cases came from a low social economic background

Oh god that was the same as DDs teacher, except she also picked on all the boys too, there were so many complaints about her that she was eventually taken out of the classroom but she was out into resource teaching which is whoheartedly unsuited to her and the place she would most likely do most harm.

In fairness though with 3 kids, 2 with SN, and so decades of teachers and schooling behind them they were the only 2 teachers I have ever had a problem with. Most have been overall outstanding so the bad examples were absolutely the exception and not the rule.

It's not the norm but you'd be naive to think it doesn't happen.

DS (and the whole class tbh) had a bully. His mum encouraged that type of behaviour. She would see her boy fight and bite and scratch and never punished or even stopped him. (I recall watching her watch her boy aged 3 repeatedly push a newly standing baby over on purpose, HARD. The poor baby's mum, seeing her do nothing, even after she spoke to her, left the group visibly upset. He just kept walking up pulling his arms right back and slamming her down. He had done it a good 6 times, as soon as the baby was comforted and standing again)

Now the problem was, this "mother" was a teacher in the town. Her friends were teachers, if not ex-colleagues, then people she went to school with herself.

No matter how many complaints I made when my son was hurt in school, or his work scribbled on, or spat at, slammed into a wall, nothing happened. And his class teacher was very dismissive. She told me my son told fibs a lot. The fibs? Retelling things that this boy had done (like holding him under the water in swimming causing staff to get him off and rescue my son). Teacher just hmm'd when I said, "That's why you're calling my son a liar? Things that have actually happened?". My son's reports were awful with her but every other teacher said the complete opposite. I saw her being mean to him a few times and sadly I wasn't the only one to notice. Other mums would tell me. It was heartbreaking.

He's moved up a few years now and he gets nothing but praise from his teachers. I've never had an issue with lying at all, not even when he's done something wrong.

So fuck you MrsM.

@TramaDollface

Depends on whether it’s private or state sadly

Private schools are much more proactive

I think some issues are easier to deal with in a private school. If someone is repeatedly badly behaved or bullies, then they can be ‘asked to leave’, when that is much harder to do in a state school. Also, private schools are only as good as their reputation and if they get a bad one, then it’s pretty hard to get rid of.

I didn't formally complain but did start asking questions surrounding an incident which school handled badly. I could have forgiven the actual incident but we then had a meeting with the LA over it and the head was utterly vile. Told me how awful my child is. Told me how staff were going to quit over her. Told me how she is destroying the education of her class in a 90 minute vent. The LA and said child's social worker called him up on it.

I hadn't actually complained I was just trying to understand how the incident went from a to b and why formal written logs were missing of key details with a child who doesn't have the communication skills to tell me themselves.

I lost all trust in the school.

Thanks for the replies. Encouraging to see read the positive experiences. And empathy to those who have experienced this. It really does knock your confidence and faith in the system.
I had a Head tell me that I could write to whoever I wanted to but she was basically untouchable...as friends in the right places. Not cool. I didn’t dare escalate though so she got what she wanted!