To visit mum on Xmas leaving partner for a few hours

[Idunnoyou]

Is this okay?
Partner and mum don't get along.
I said to partner I was going to go and leave her for a few hours she got very upset. She doesn't have a mum as she passed so is usually alone during Xmas.
We been together nearly two years.

Am I unreasonable?

This sounds like mountains out of molehills and I’d be telling both mum and partner to sort it out. They won’t even be in the same room together because one thinks the other is a snob and a friendship with an ex who is largely irrelevant to you??

You will have this problem over and over if your mum and partner can’t be adults.

I don’t really think that’s fair; see her on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day but don’t leave your partner alone on Christmas Day

YANBU

I think it's fine to go for a couple of hours. I'm often on my own for the morning or afternoon on Xmas day. Even the Xmas after my mum died. If it's only a couple of hours I think it's fine. It's your mum.
How will this be resolved? Will you never get to see you mum at Xmas again? Your mum and girlfriend need to find a way of understanding each other

Op I think you should be able to visit your mum it's only two hours xxx

I would visit. But just for a little bit. An hour perhaps. And i would then also tell her to stop going on and on about your ex you dated years ago!! And to tell her to get along with my new partner .

She does sound somewhat like a homophobe tbh (Goes on and on about your male ex and doesnt like your new female dp? ... bit too accidental 🤔)

I wouldn’t leave them but all that drama over nothing on both sides would be enough for me to rethink my relationships with both.

My MIL and I get on very well but it’s no accident - she’s always gone out of her way to be nice to me and vice versa.

15 years on and we’ve never fallen out.

Both your mum and partner sound difficult.

Nope I wouldn't leave anyone on their own Christmas day. Maybe if your mum was on her own but she's not

Your girlfriend sounds horribly needy and insecure. The whole dm-gf dynamic sounds like way too much drama. Go see your mother, of course. Mothers are for life, needy partners not so much.

If my husband wanted to go and see his parents on Xmas day for a couple of hours, I’d be waving him off and enjoying the peace and quiet! Together twenty years and I like his family to an extent but they show a total lack of care and regard for me and their grandchildren, so I’d be very happy not to see them and I’m pretty sure they feel the same way about me. However, if he stayed longer than planned, didn’t stick to agree times, and was late, or worse, ate dinner with them so not to offend his mum (can you tell that’s happened in the last? Not on Xmas day...yet!) I’d be really cross with him!

@Hazelnutlatteplease but she is not leaving the partner for the whole day. I have to say this particular family dynamic doesn't seem very healthy but in normal circumstances I can't see it is a problem for someone to pop out and see their relatives leaving their partner at home for a bit on Christmas Day. Obviously there is an issue if they leave all the cooking and preparation to the one at home so when they come back everything is done, but if it is just for an hour then not a problem.

Any adult who can't cope with a couple of hours alone on Christmas Day (or any other tbh) needs to grow up.

If DM has invited you and not your partner, that's rude, and I think you'd be perfectly in order to decline the invite. That's even before considering the fact that your mum has plenty of company and DP would be left alone.

I genuinely wouldn't care if my partner left me alone on Christmas Day but it sounds like your girlfriend would so that's a bit trickier.