How to survive the terrible two?

[Lois345]

I love my ds (2.5 years) to the end of the world and beyond, but he is driving me absolutely crazy. Over the past months or so his behaviour has become so bad. It has not been a real problem before, but now he completely refuses to do what I tell him, he hits me, I tell him not to throw food on the floor and that is exactly what he does. This afternoon he hit me in the face really hard and then went on to play with the electrical plug (he knows he can't do that). I just lost my shit and shouted off the top of my head - I just had enough at that point. I feel SOO bad for shouting at my tiny little boy, but he is freaking annoying at the moment and he is absolutely driving me crazy. I try to encourage positive behaviour by telling him in a gentle tone what he can do rather than what he cannot do (for example: I will not have you throw food on the floor. If you do not want it, you can put it on the table or give it to Mummy). Sometimes it works, but it never lasts. It feels like a fucking loosing battle and I just can't deal with the thought of 12 days or nursery closure over Christmas. He is the same with his dad. Is this normal? Will it pass? Does anyone have any advice? (besides from hiding in a closet with a bottle of wine, which sounds really attractive right now)

It is pretty normal, yes. Crap isn’t it. How our species survives I am not sure but I like that song that goes “I believe mommas oughta qualify for sainthood”

Advice - uh, muddle through, don’t smack or shout as they instantly add this to their to do list, and give as much attention as you can when they are good, and also withdraw attention (eg looking away from them and being silent) when they are bad.

I had some slight success with laughing at him when he was naughty “No no that’s not where your food goes silly billy don’t you know food is for the plate? Oh dear maybe you’ll remember next time.”

I spent a lot of time pretending to be an actress in a movie where I was playing the part of a great mother.

It is so hard watching that angelic tiny baby turn into an angry beast with its own plans but the only silver lining is that if you consistently deal with bad behaviour now, things will be much better in a few months than if you don’t.

Good luck OP xxx

@Skysblue Thank you. I like the idea of pretending that you are an actress in a film playing a really good mum... I immediately thought of Mummy Dearest, if you have ever seen that one (not a model to go by). Thanks again. Sometimes it helps to be reminded that it is normal and part of their development

My 2 year old is also quite capable plonking herself right on my last nerve and grinning about it, so you have my sympathies.

Have you tried counting? Always upwards, giving yourself the option of keeping going if your normal number hasn't achieved the desired effect... I was in a toddler group when her older sister was 2, and one of the mums started counting to get her daughter to behave, and ALL the toddlers froze and looked worried. I've no idea why it works on them, but it helps me calm down too!

Oh OP I totally get you! Also have a DS only slightly older and this year has been exhausting with nowhere to go and a very toddler-y toddler! Wine is your friend! We've found consistent time out works. It's exhausting as we found he had to keep being our back in time out as the first or second time would make him want to do whatever he was doing more. Then he'd realise what was happening. We've got to the point now where I can just say 'youll have to go to time out if you don't stop Xxx' and he'll suddenly pick up his toy he's just thrown, or decide he will have his nappy changed. He's still a monkey at times of course but we are getting there. Of course there are days where he's still a horror but you will get there (we're not out of the woods either yet!). We found watching supernanny to be very interesting. Made us feel good about how at least he wasn't as bad as some of the kids on there, and gave us a clear idea of how to do effective timeout. I'm very shortly spoken and hate residing my voice but have really found getting down on his level, sometimes even holding him in front of me gently and raising my voice enough to sound more firm whilst I explain why we don't do something or to stop doing something can help. We always have a hug after we've explained why he's been in timeout and then hold his hand and take him to pick up his toy he's thrown, or to change his nappy followed by lots of praise for correcting whatever he's done. Explaining is definitely starting to help too. As for the hitting, that phase was horrid and DS was younger when he went through that phase so we just held his arm so he couldn't continue and said firmly 'we do not hit'. Now he'd go in time out for that. Hope that's been remotely helpful. Good luck! It's been a horrid year to raise a two year old. Sending unmumsnetty hugs and wine!

I am with you on this! My son is almost 2 and a half and he can be horrible sometimes! I lost my patience a couple of times last week and felt really bad. I try so hard to keep my cool but sometimes it’s impossible and it’s me who needs time out!

Been up for 2 hours with mine and he's been a horror. Standing on/jumping off furniture, yelling for his bed then refusing to go back in it, and hitting me in the face because he wants daddy (who was up with him 1-3. My deepest sympathies! I haven't got much advice. DS is 2yrs 1 month so I feel we have a long way to go!

*softly and raising 🤣

No tips, just support - really struggling with my 2.5 year old. He is non stop from the moment he wakes and doesn't nap anymore. Especially hard as there is nowhere to take him except the park, and where it's so cold lately he doesn't want to go. I get short tempered with him and then feel terrible because he's only 2 and doesn't mean it. I also have a 3 month old and he is so loud that she can't nap properly, which is added stress.

There’s definitely a reason they call it terrible twos! My DD is 3 now and can still be a terror but she understands consequences better and can be negotiated with. My way of getting through it was to get out at least once a day even just for a walk for them to run off steam and lots of deep breaths!

It will pass! It’s a fecking nightmare. My DD was ok. My DS was just heinous from the age of 13 months to about 4. He’s now 6 and we still get the occasional tantrum, but for the most part he’s a really lovely kid. I was tearing my hair out for at least a couple of years - would totally lose my shit at him and then feel awful. He once bit me so hard that it left a mouth-shaped bruise on my arm for days.

You will get through it. Tag team with your partner so you each get a break. My partner and I learned to be very honest with each other during that time - if we could spot the other one was about to lose it, we would swap round.
Wine, chocolate, cuddles when he’s calm enough to allow it and keep chanting “this won’t last forever, this won’t last forever”

Thank you so much everyone! This was exactly what I needed to hear - that it is normal, that I am not causing this difficult behaviour, that everyone shouts (and feel bad about it afterwards), and that it won't last forever!!! Also really good advice about counting (even if one has to go on well beyond 10) and using time out. Really very much appreciated!