Overheard whispering

[rumandbiscuits]

Just after some advice really.
Before I get started we are in tier 1.

Went to see my sister yesterday and my Mum was also there. We were all having a nice afternoon (don't all see each other together very often, although my Mum sees us both regularly covid permitting). I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and whilst I was in there could hear them both whispering (couldn't hear what was actually being said though). I waited a couple of minutes as I thought maybe I was hearing things but they were 100% whispering when I walked back into the room my Mum was walking away from her (she was sat down) and made a comment about one of the decs being wonky so went to adjust it. I said straight away 'what were you both whispering about?' And they both ignored me so I said it again and my sister said nothing we were talking about the star on the tree being wonky. I said I heard that bit but you were whispering about something and then my sister went silent and my Mum said 'we weren't whispering' I said yes you were I could hear you both and then she said they weren't whispering, they were talking about so and so's new baby which we had all been talking about before I went into the kitchen to make the cuppa. I dropped it then but it's been playing on my mind ever since and I'm not sure whether I should bring it up again or just try and forget it? Maybe I'm paranoid but I'm pretty certain they were whispering about me. We aren't getting Christmas presents for each other this year so it couldn't have been about that. I just can't think what else it could be other than I told my Mum not long ago I had been feeling down recently so maybe they had been discussing my mental health? Just seems like quite a rude thing to do when I was only in the next room.

If your mood is that low maybe they were concerned about you and deciding how best to help. Have you spoke to your GP?

Are you feeling really bad OP? I suspect that if they were whispering about you they are worried about your mental health. I'm sure they wouldn't be being mean. Maybe time to see the GP?

Look, everyone talks about everyone else, all of the time. Was v rude of them to whisper when you were only in the next room but I wouldn’t let it bug you too much. It may or may not have been about you. If it wasn’t about you this time it will be another time so it doesn’t matter much anyway.

If she has just had a baby then it is more likely to be about some private issue with her rather than about you. I think you are thinking the worst without reason here, probably because you are feeling down at the moment. Try to get it go and not think about it any more.

Are you in England? What tier are you in?

See, if I started to think folk were whispering about me, my mum would say to me, what makes you so special that you are all they've got to talk about?

Harsh, but sonetimes it would bring me back to earth with a thump. Yes they might have been talking about you, but isn't it just as, if not more likely , that maybe your sister had something private she wanted to talk to your mum about? Please try not to build this up into something it's not, already you're saying you don't want to see your mum tomorrow- that's just daft

Probably something to do with her post birth body?

@Airyfairymarybeary

Are you in England? What tier are you in?

The first line specifies tier 1.

Christ almighty if your sister is 2 weeks postpartum she was probably talking to your mum about her stitches, clots, piles, sore nipples or something else personal FFS!

I'm currently pregnant with my second and had very bad PND after having my first nearly 3 years ago now. I have recently started to feel low again but nothing in comparison to how I felt after having my LG. No real reason for feeling low other than the fact I think this year has been hard on many people plus the fact my hormones are probably all over the place. I spoke to my mum about feeling low and worrying that history might repeat itself with the PND a couple of weeks ago. She also said to me in a separate conversation before me telling her I was feeling low that DSis had said whilst in the thick of the newborn stage with her baby 'I don't know how rum will cope having 2 children' this could have been totally innocent but it's made me think that they are both massively doubting my abilities to have a second child. So I am probably very paranoid at the moment. I do feel I have much better coping strategies now though and am talking more about how I feel and being open. If they were discussing my MH I'd rather be involved in that conversation as it's actually made me feel a lot worse thinking they are whispering behind my back. But that is a massive IF because I really have no idea what they were discussing. I have a midwife appt in a couple of weeks and they know the history of my PND so I will speak to them about my anxiety of history repeating itself and try to be less paranoid and stubborn moving forward 😂

@ChiaraRimini

Christ almighty if your sister is 2 weeks postpartum she was probably talking to your mum about her stitches, clots, piles, sore nipples or something else personal FFS!

She's about 10 weeks now sorry misleading of me to say 'couple'. We are all very open about stitches, pooing during Labour, sex after birth, mental health and all talk about it quite openly with each other usually.

@Mydogmylife

See, if I started to think folk were whispering about me, my mum would say to me, what makes you so special that you are all they've got to talk about? Harsh, but sonetimes it would bring me back to earth with a thump. Yes they might have been talking about you, but isn't it just as, if not more likely , that maybe your sister had something private she wanted to talk to your mum about? Please try not to build this up into something it's not, already you're saying you don't want to see your mum tomorrow- that's just daft

I know it's daft and I know I need to give my head a wobble and have a word with myself. This stubbornness runs in the family! I will snap out of it. Good to hear other people's views and it has actually made me feel a lot better!

I’m a bit paranoid so I would probably obsess like you are. From an outside perspective, it’s likely something private that’s not about you at all. Try to forget it.

Do you have a nice relationship with mum and sister? It seems like you do, so why would they talk about you?

Does your mum say unkind things about your sister when she is not there? If not she is unlikely to be doing that about you either.

Lastly if I was talking about someone I would not do it when the person is nearby even as a whisper.

Sister has new baby, maybe she is feeling low or worried about something and not ready to share. Or maybe it was idle chit chat and wasn't meant to be particularly quiet. Try to let it go. These are family members you presumably love and trust. Whatever they said doesn't matter.

If they arnt being helpful about your mental health feel free to step back and stay with people who are because all they needed to say after they had been caught whispering was yes we were we were concerned about you or its a nice surprise or something but to outright deny it is bound to make you feel bad

If it’s what you think (which it may not be) and they were whispering about you, if you otherwise have a perfectly nice relationship with them I’d try and forget it. It’s unlikely that it would have been coming from a bitchy/nasty place if it’s mum and sister. It could have been concerns about your mental well-being, it could have been anything really. So realistically how bad could it really be? They won’t be saying “my god she’s such a bitch that Rum” are they? What I mean is even if it WAS bad, it really won’t be THAT bad. And I doubt it was nasty, unless there’s some big backstory.

Op, glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, I do understand, it's easy to get bogged down with negative thinking, and hormones won't be helping

It's funny how paranoia can hit us especially when feeling a bit down and can be very hard to shake. But based on what you have told us there is no reason to suspect anything negative. It may well have been nothing to do with you or if it was it was probably as others have suggested just some concern over you feeling a bit down. Some people find talking about mental health a bit awkward which is probably why the whispered not realising that it would have been much less awkward for you if they hadn't whispered and just been open! When I have negative thoughts it can help to reframe it - instead of 'mum and sis could have been whispering something bad about me' - 'I'm having a thought about mum and sis whispering something bad about me' - reframe it as just a 'thought' helps me.

It was clearly meant to be a private conversation that you have no right to demand details of.

@Diverseduvet

Probably something to do with her post birth body?

That's what I thought too.

Maybe they were in fact whispering about you but odds are surely that was supportive if they are a little worried about you. I’ve heard my sibling having a quiet chat before with my mum and I assumed it was about me - knew they were worried - I found it quite comforting that they were! Can you maybe think of it this way a bit (and obvs it may have been nothing to do with you !)

More likely to be about your sister or mother imo - that's why she was there when you arrived - maybe your sister needed to talk to your mom?

Personally I would drop your mum a text saying you know they where whispering about something, and you are very upset that they obviously wanted to exclude you from the conversation, that it was very rude of them and it’s now worrying you

@HolyBuckets

Could be something positive, maybe they were whispering about your Xmas present.

That.

I was whispering to DD#2 about DD#1's present the other day, when we were out for a walk and DD#1 was walking ahead of us talking to another relative. It's that time of year.

@Airyfairymarybeary

Are you in England? What tier are you in?

This site really needs an eye rolling emoticon. You couldn't even be bothered to read the second line of the OP? It starts "first of all..." which might give you a clue. Do you search the site for OPs where someone mentions being with other people so you can jump in with this stuff?