To ask if you call yourself a single parent....

[MiaMarshmallows]

If you-

1. Have a partner who spends half the week at your home.
2. Share 50/50 care with the other parent

If you have a partner you are not single. Doesnt matter if he is their dad or not

This.

In this context, single is not describing your relationship status, it's about if you are bringing children up SINGLE handedly, on your own.

Otherwise you'd have descriptors like 'Coupled parent' or 'Co habiting parent'

I see mums calling themselves single parents when they're ex husband has 50% or even more custody, or worse 'Full time Mummy'

I’d call myself a single parent. I am divorced from DDs dad. I have a new boyfriend but he doesn’t live here and mostly only visits when DD is away. DD sees her Dad a couple of times per week but he doesn’t do school runs / uniform, Drs, dentists, clothes shopping, homework etc..

I guess I’m not single single but I certainly take all of the parenting decisions alone.

Words have meaning, you can't choose your own definitions

There are people out there with a penis who demand to be called ‘she’, people without a penis called ‘he’ and still more using ‘they’ as a pronoun.

Yet a single parent, lone parent, sole parent isn’t allowed to choose which title suits them best? You’re not serious?

🤣🤣

Yet a single parent, lone parent, sole parent isn’t allowed to choose which title suits them best? You’re not serious?

No, of course they aren't, if its not accurate. I can't call myself a lone parent or a single parent since I'm not, any more than I can call myself a supermodel when I'm not.
You have to call yourself what you actually are, otherwise language has no meaning and we might as well all just scream into the void.

Well that’s the whole point isn’t it, there’s no universally agreed definition.

People use the term to mean different things

• relationship status
• proportion of parenting done (unclear what the proportion needs to be to ‘qualify’; someone said above that 50:50 shared care wouldn’t and neither would 60:40 but does 70:30 or 80:20?) and if the other parent is not around at all but grandparents etc heavily involved and supportive is that relevant?)
• marker of adversity (eg if you get maintenance you’re not a “real” single parent)

People mean all sorts of stuff

Thats why i just take it with a pinch of salt these days when people say the most dramatic stuff bigging up their difficulties and life struggles. When you unpack it all its 90% bullshit 10%truth.

I'm a painfully single parent. Other "parent" hasn't seen them in 4 years. No new partner.

My scenario is vastly different to a parent with a new partner or shared care.

I refer to myself as a single parent as I’m not in a relationship and I have 2 children. However I’m now wondering if I’m actually a lone parent as the children’s father has had nothing to do with them for 5+ years.

Kids dad is an absent father of over 10 years, and my partner doesn't live with me. Obviously doesn't help raise my kids or contribute to our life atall. I'm a single parent.

I’m a single parent because I’m single and I’m a parent.
My children’s father is still involved with them so I’m not a lone parent.

I was a single parent technically as DH had the audacity to die. It's hard to rely on a ghost for help. DS is now an adult so I'm just a widowed mother. Not sure I can still be considered a single parent of a grown up child? I am on my own though.

Oddly phrased, OP - d'you mean if both 1&2 apply, or if either applies?

If both 1&2 then depends whether the kid(s) and partner are at yours at the same time. If you alternate between kid and partner then obviously you're a single parent. If they're at the same time then still technically single parenting for demographic purposes, but a bit of a grey area.

Taken separately, shared care doesn't mean you're not a single parent, and having a partner who doesn't live with you and isn't your kids' dad doesn't mean you're not, either.

I’m a single/lone parent. Ex has regular contact but doesn’t contribute financially or in terms of appointments etc.

You're a single parent if you're single and a parent. Its not hard.

@SlightDelay

This been asked before.

If you have a partner you are not single. Doesnt matter if he is their dad or not.

If you have no man or woman in your life as a partner and you have children you are a single parent.

I have seen mums with boyfriends still saying they are single mums but havent seen someone saying or thinking they arent a single parent because the ex is very involved with the children. Whether the parent is a dead beat or hands on is irrelevant.

So if you have 4 kids with an absent father, and a long term partner who doesn't share your house (or shares only part time) and doesn't financially support the children or play a parent role, you are no longer a 'single mum'?

Single mum does imply primary care and living alone, but it doesn't help anyone to police the term. I think if you have a live in partner who is sharing bills and taking an active role in the childrens' lives, whether a biological parent or not, you are no longer a 'single mum'. Or if you have low custody and the other parent is primary carer.

Everything else is up for debate. Men never hesitate to describe themselves as a 'single dad', even if they see the kids every other weekend, send the kids home with everything unwashed and keep missing both birthdays CMS payments. Give single mums a break.

This really annoys me, sure I've felt like a single parent sometimes as my partner worked away for weeks at a time etc but I wasn't. I might have had to deal with the household things as well as all the childcare as well as every other thing that comes with life but I did NOT have the soul crushing sole responsibility of finances, or the complete loneliness of someone with no one to call on a night, or send the odd "I love you" text to. Being a parent and having a partner that works away or "co parents" 50-50 or even 80-20 is not being a single parent! It can be lonely, sure, but jeez some people have zero idea of what it's actually like to have nobody to fall back on, to know that if you miss a day of work because the kids sick or your benefits get cut by £20 then you're going to struggle to feed the kids and there is no one to be in it with you. You don't know what it's like to have absolutely no break from the cycle of housework, childcare, work, night time childcare etc etc. Like I said, it's tough, and if you have a partner that isn't really present it's tougher and lonely but it isn't single or lone parenting.