AIBU to be annoyed at picking/teasing boss?

10 replies

sickandtired23 · 07/12/2020 11:42

I work from home full time due to Covid-19.

We have a weekly catch-up meeting on Zoom where we don't talk work matters, it is just for people to re-connect, share stories, discuss current affairs etc... I really miss not having real-life interaction with colleagues so this is the only opportunity for me to actually talk to people during the whole week.

The trouble is that one of the big bosses, who is always on the call, took to picking at me "jokingly" during these meetings. He'd either always counter what I say, or put me on the spot, or laugh/tease in a seemingly "joking" manner but actually it feels like a passive-aggressive attack each time, to the point that I no longer want to participate in these meetings. It's a shame because I feel really isolated at home and these meetings are pretty much the lifeline at the moment.

Well, because he's The Big Boss, I am not really up for kicking up a fuss about it. Unfortunately, I am not quick-witted enough to respond appropriately to the teasing/picking and I don't even know what an appropriate reaction would be. So I just end up muttering something pathetic/apologetic and then shut up and be annoyed for the rest of the day.

Am I being unreasonable?
Any tips for how to handle this situation would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

DynamoKev · 07/12/2020 11:43

YANBU

LordEmsworth · 07/12/2020 11:50

I'm quite blunt but I would respond with "I would prefer it if you didn't single me out for criticism in these meetings. You did it last week and the week before as well, and it is inappropriate and makes me feel uncomfortable".

Alternatively speak to him or email him separately to say this.

Stop worrying about making a fuss. And don't try to "match" him with wits, that is likely to just make him escalate it. Calmly state that you don't like it and ask him to stop. Start writing down every instance, and if it continues or escalates, you have a record that this is a pattern of behaviour, not a one-off.

Alexandernevermind · 07/12/2020 11:55

He is pulling playground bully tactics- I had a boss like this once. As above, don't get into the habit of trying to compete with another smart comment back as he'll see it as sport - if you are anything like me you would be too flustered to think of one anyway. He is enjoying your reaction, don't react at all or acknowledge what he is saying. Just do blank face or shoulder shrug. They always say ignore them and they will go away!

Alexandernevermind · 07/12/2020 11:56

Calmly state that you don't like it and ask him to stop. Start writing down every instance, and if it continues or escalates, you have a record that this is a pattern of behaviour, not a one-off.
This is sensible.

HollowTalk · 07/12/2020 12:01

Could you write and say something like, "As you know, I live alone and miss the company of my colleagues. I really enjoy our Zoom chats. However when you make fun of me it makes me feel really awful and makes me not want to take part. I don't find it funny when you mock me. Please could you bear in mind that I'm feeling particularly vulnerable at the moment due to Covid restrictions and ease off?"

Are the calls recorded? Could he replay and see how it's gone?

Nanny0gg · 07/12/2020 13:07

Don't engage or retaliate. Any time he speaks completely ignore him. Are your colleagues uncomfortable with his behaviour?

And definitely record what he says. Do you have an HR dept?

mooseyem · 07/12/2020 13:19

He's looking for the weakest in the herd. As soon as you stand up to him he will find another punching bag. Just state you enjoy these zoom calls but wish they were more positive sometimes. If he doesn't take the hint, quiz him on his anecdotes and start poking him.

BashfulClam · 07/12/2020 13:24

Just act like he hasn’t spoken at all. When he had no reaction he’ll get bored.

Palavah · 07/12/2020 13:30

I think I'd play it a bit differently using the beauty of zoom:

next time he says something picky/teasy just pretend not to hear. If he says it again just say sorry, I can't hear you very well, and let him repeat himself. He, and everyone else, might realise what a tool he's being. If it doesn't look like the penny's dropping just say "oh, this is funny - it sounded as though you said 'XXX' but that would have been a bit rude so I must have misheard you."

Brefugee · 07/12/2020 13:37

Are the calls recorded? If they are, ask for copies. If not ask that they be recorded in future.

If you can, next time he does it ask him not to as pp outlined above. If he continues, or blusters or you are uncomfortable - leave the call without comment.

You say he's a "big boss" which presumably means there are other levels between you and him? escalate it to your next higher and tell them to handle it or you won't be able to join the calls in future.

Alternatively tell your next high up that having a big boss in the call is inhibiting people's conversations and try to get him uninvited.

Flip