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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Frustrated with antivaxxer PIL

24 replies

Bvop · 06/12/2020 22:18

I like my PIL. He’s a bit cantankerous, sure of his own opinions, take it or leave it, but underneath it he’s a lovely chap and has a heart of gold. He’s in his 80s and I found out tonight he won’t be being vaccinated as he doesn’t trust the vaccine: it’s been produced too quickly for him.

I’m frustrated because it means he won’t get his freedom back quickly, because he’ll be at risk and his clinically vulnerable DW will be at risk. AIBU to wish that for once he’d be a bit less bloody minded?

OP posts:

CloudPop · 06/12/2020 22:25

His call if he wants to decline. Why his age group are the priority for the vaccine, over healthcare workers and teachers, is beyond me.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2020 22:28

Just because he's dubious about the covid vaccine does not necessarily make him an antivaxxer. He has the right to decide what is or is not injected into his body.

Writerandreader · 06/12/2020 22:30

The best way to deal with it is to engage genuinely with his concerns. Be honest tell him you hope to change his mind and would he read things you sent. There are excellent explanations online if why it hasn't actually been rushed it's just had a lot more money and manpower behind it. So for example usually a lot of time is spent chasing grants or form filling. The human testing has been done exactly as it always would be.

Doublebubblebubble · 06/12/2020 22:31

Adults can choose not to take vaccines

Is this stupid. Yes. But they can.

He is choosing to risk his life. You'll have to choose not to visit him to keep him safe.

Casmama · 06/12/2020 22:31

I think you could suggest that he looks into how the vaccine has been produced so quickly. Many processes that would normally be sequential have been carried out at the same time to speed up development of the vaccines. Pharma companies have taken risks that they would not normally take because of the gravity of the situation.
The order of those vaccinated is dictated, I think by mortality risk and the risk of serious disease leading to hospitalisation and therefore pressure on the NHS.
Perhaps discussions with him what specifically he thinks might not have been uncovered in terms of risk would be a place to start

Writerandreader · 06/12/2020 22:33

And cloudpop. The elderly are getting it first because by a very long way age is the determining factor in severity of risk of dying from covid. Someone from sage said the other day thst once they finish vaccinating the over 80s it will stop 98 per cent of all deaths.

Writerandreader · 06/12/2020 22:34

While other groups may be at risk of catching covid they are not at risk of getting seriously ill. Sadly this truth has been completely lost in the fear perpetuated by lockdown

HighHeelBoots · 06/12/2020 22:39

His choice
I don't get the quantity over quality argument. I frequently work in nursing homes and its heartbreaking. Residents stuck in bed for the last years of their lives, no quality of life whatsoever. I'm happy to see people have treatment if there is still pleasure to be had but it often isn't the case. A family member has been in bed since Feb. Covered in sores, crying when touched. Still eating so he could go on a longer time. He knows nobody and is scared. He was treated last week for a chest infection- why?
He is 80. Its not a tragedy if he dies.

Sometimeswinning · 06/12/2020 22:40

I honestly do not understand the obsession over the older generations choices. It's almost like they hit a certain age and it's ok to judge. Leave him be! My parents chose to carry on as normally and safely as possible with life. They actually had people tell them they should be at home! Respect his choice. Not your place. Anti vaxers are a whole different species to this.

Doublebubblebubble · 06/12/2020 22:47

@Sometimeswinning ever wondered why more people dont have polio?

Choosing not to take this vaccine is absolutely antivaxxism and its actually helping antivaxxers.

CloudPop · 06/12/2020 22:50

@Writerandreader

Understand your point completely and absolutely not trying to get into an argument. But it's ripping through schools like wildfire. Kids are asymptomatic and it's running free

Sometimeswinning · 06/12/2020 22:59

No it's not @Doublebubblebubble it's a whole different thing. I get why someone at the age of 80 doesnt want it. I'm on board with this, volunteered to be a Guinea pig for it. I know older people who worry about it. Younger people who are clueless and dont understand the history of the vaccine. I will not lump them in the same boat as anti vaxers. You may. I'm glad I'm not you.

Taciturn · 06/12/2020 23:04

I don't understand why those in favour of the vaccine want to insist on others having it - it defies logic. If his DW has the vaccine why would he be a risk to her? Some goes if you have the vaccine.

His body, his choice.

Nottherealslimshady · 06/12/2020 23:21

It's his body and his decision.

It's brand new, we dont know all the risks. Doctors have given loads of things out that were "completely safe" that turned out to be very not safe. All people make mistakes. Scientists and doctors aren't magical.

No matter what you think though. It's not your body and you would be bang out of order to start trying to give your opinion. Imagine him feeling he could give his opinion on your body. Frustrated that you wont breastfeed. Telling you the benefits of reuseable sanitary wear. Giving you dieting advice.

You do what you please with your body. And let him do what he wants with his.

HeddaGarbled · 06/12/2020 23:22

His wife won’t be at risk once she’s been vaccinated.

june2007 · 06/12/2020 23:24

I am not anti vax but I do have concearns with new vaccines where long term effects are not really known. They may know the effects of individual medicationss but do they know when it is put together in the vax formula.

Nottherealslimshady · 06/12/2020 23:25

@Doublebubblebubble vaccines are a choice.
There are loads of medical procedures we could force people to have that would benefit the greater good.
Imagine if we sterilised everyone that wasn't in stable jobs, or after they'd had 2 kids, or if they committed a crime. It would be awesome for the rest of us. Not supporting a family of 9 from taxpayer funds. Except those people have the right to decide what is dknt to their body. No one should do anything to their body for the benefit of someone else.

Soundbyte · 06/12/2020 23:31

Why his age group are the priority for the vaccine, over healthcare workers and teachers, is beyond me

They’re not? My mother is a healthcare worker, younger than 60 but with a serious health condition and she’s having a vaccine this month.

Chloemol · 06/12/2020 23:41

It’s his choice. My parent is not going to have the vaccine as they think younger people should get it first. They also don’t trust the current vaccine as it’s made in America and wants to wait for the Oxford one

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/12/2020 23:43

[quote Doublebubblebubble]@Sometimeswinning ever wondered why more people dont have polio?

Choosing not to take this vaccine is absolutely antivaxxism and its actually helping antivaxxers.[/quote]
No it is not.
I have all my vaccines. DD has hers, including the BCG which is not routinely given anymore . I'm not on the "should be vaccinated " list,but if I was I wouldn't be 100% sure I'd want to have it. No, I don't think it's poison. No I don't think they're putting metals in us to transform us into 5g antennas, no I don't believe in the evil Bill gates conspiracy, the UV dye or the nanobots or whatever other crap is being spouted at the moment.

However I'm not fully confident in a vaccine that we don't know the long term effects of. That is not antivaxx it's admitting we can't possibly know at this point in time and not being comfortable with that.

doublehalo · 07/12/2020 08:54

Maybe he's right?

Glitterblue · 07/12/2020 09:01

My step MIL is a real anti vaxxer and she's driving me crazy with it. It doesn't sound as if your FIL is anti vax, more that he's just worried about it not being tested enough yet which I can understand. My step MIL has told us both that we've not to even think about getting it, that we will be micro chipped with it and it'll change out DNA. She also says that it'll be the people who get the vaccine who die, not the ones who don't get it. She bleats on a lot about Bill Gates but I don't really understand a lot of what she says about him.

Original poster

Bvop · 07/12/2020 16:30

I’m just sad because I actually love my PIL and it makes me sad to think that he’s going to miss probably another year of seeing his grandchildren as we won’t visit until we’re vaccinated, and he’ll miss so much of life’s normal moments or he’ll expose himself to a virus which would probably kill him.

I don’t know how we’ve produced a society where so many people distrust and misinterpret efforts to make things better.

OP posts:

BonnieDundee · 07/12/2020 21:51

I don’t know how we’ve produced a society where so many people distrust and misinterpret efforts to make things better.

You could start by looking at government not being honest with us. That has a huge role to play in mistrust

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