AIBU to be annoyed the my XDP lets his Mother do everything for DS

[LittleMissDrinksAlotOfTea]

just been chatting on msn to xdp's mother, ds is at their house this weekend (xdp living back with her till he gets his own place) she's been up with ds since early gave him breakfast, washed him, taken him into town for a stroll, came back gave him lunch and now hes having a nap....erm HELLO where is xdp!! he should be doing all of that?? shouldnt he???
spoke to her last night to and xdp was at the pub watching the rugby (which is fine if had put ds to bed first) she said ds got upset when xdp got his coat on to go! shouldnt he of waited until he was asleep first?? AIBU to be annoyed at that?

No YANBU! At least it sounds like your ds is being well looked after, but your exdp should be doing at least most of it! What does his Mum think? Maybe she just lets him get away with it, which might be half the problem?

should i say something to her? in a nice way of course, like 'why isnt your lazy ass son doing all the work and looking after our ds'?
If she didnt do it then xdp would have to! but how can i say something to her without risking upsetting her?

really annoyed now

it is half the probelm that she does these things, but i know xdp just lets her take over, how do i tell her she shouldnt be doing it though?

I do think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable, after all it is not some random stranger, it is your DS's granny, and she is likely to enjoy spending lots of time with him.

Saying that, your XDP should have made sure DS was settled before going out last night. And it would be better for your DS if he was to spend at least some time with him, that is the whole point of him being there.

Good that you have a good relationship with your XDP' mum. At least she can let you know what is happening.

I think that if his Mum really enjoys looking after her grandson and doesn't mind the situation, and your ds is mainly happy, then there probably isn't that much you can do about it. I would just have a chat with her to make sure she's not fed up. Perhaps you could say something about the rugby incident to exdp - maybe how much ds likes exdp to put him to bed and that he was a bit upset to miss it that night?? (My ex is a bit like this, lives with his Mum and in the past, when the dcs went to visit, his Mum did all the cooking and always looked after dd2 all the time!)

Not all dads are New Men and if xdp was, maybe you wouldn't have split up, since New Man behaviour is clearly what you expect. Now that you have split up, you need not worry about his behaviour unless your ds is harmed as a result of it. If you think that being put to bed and generally looked after by grannie rather than dad is harming him, then go ahead and worry. But if it was me, I'd just look on contemptuously and know I was better off without xdp.

As long as granny is nice and not a violent alcoholic or anything, it's good that your DS can have a loving relationship with her. Even more so if his father's useless. It's kind of important, after a split up, to keep in civil contact with the rest of the family if it's remotely possible (ie they haven't all sided with the XP and blamed the other person for everything).

xdp is actually a really good daddy when he wants to be, but he needs a little encouragement and his mum does take over, i would just like to see ds and xdp build up a bit of a bond and also the mental picture i had of ds getting upset (he pulls his bottom lip out its so cute, and sad) when his daddy put his coat on to go to the pub made me
spoke with xdp on the phone today and mentioned my concerns (after i calmed down from my initial annoyance) and he said i was right and he should do more and it is easy to let his mum take over, so that was good, feel much better now

sorry i have name changed again...im a gemini

Well done for speaking calmly to him. Thank God for MN, at least you were able to let off some steam. Glad to hear he is aware of his failings!

yes thank god for MN probably would have ended in another shouting match if i had not been able to vent my frustration on here first!