The way he has made me feel !!

[Haveacrackingday]

So dd has developed a cough and cold this morning and I have ordered a covid test as this is obviously a symptom, I am bubbled with my mum who I care for as she has mental health issues, just a bit of back ground, I told partner I needed to get a test for dd to be on the safe side for him to tell me I'm being extreme and that we can still act as normal go Xmas shopping me or him and that I'm being silly dd won't have corona and we do not need to test her, he also said that i am putting her more at risk of catching it by taking her to be tested !! I have ordered a home testing kit and will stay inside until we know whether she has it or not, he has really belittled me and told me I'm being silly he is annoyed that I suggested he stay home and not risk the spread too!!
Yesterday his mum brought round some watermelon paint that smells like watermelon no ingredient on it as it's in forgien language I have told her loads and him that dd can't have anything watermelon as when has it her skin comes out like she's been burnt, he told me he would tell his mum she had such a lovely time with it instead of telling her she can't use it ! His mum has a habit of ignoring her allergies despite being told over and over.

He has now told me I need to sort my head out because the way I think isn't normal and I'm extreme, I told him I didn't want to discuss my concerns with him anymore and didn't want to argue infront of our child he told me when I can act like a grown up he will talk to me !!

Kind of hoping for some advice on what to do

It is very risky for anyone to ignore another person's allergies. All the people who are around a person with allergies should be aware what problems they have and avoid causing any reactions.
IMO I would not be allowing any partner who did not acknowledge allergies to be alone with my child. Is he that bio father of the child? Whether he is or not he is not being supportive of you or your DD. Coping with allergies can be hard and you do NOT need anyone who brushes these problems aside or worse would take a risk

He knows all her allergies and he is her bio dad, he just doesn't know how to be honest with his mum and won't ever risk saying anything to her because she acts like a victim

He may know about all her allergies but he is not acting in her best interests at all. His mother could never safely babysit your DD because she is willing to take risks with her DGC. This is whether or not she has had the allergies discussed with her.
I used to have a husband who would not stand up to his mother and who would not listen to me when I spoke of situations. He made my child very ill twice because he could not be told. Him and his mother did so much damage to all my children, only one of whom was his.
I think you need to lay it on the line. One more fail and there is the door. You can not take risks with your DC's welfare.
Incidentally, my DC do not have allergies, I have the allergies. The risks he took and damage done to my DC's were done because he would not listen.

Sorry missed a bit

When allergies exist the outcome of failing to take the necessary precautions can be disastrous.

She hasn't and won't be babysitting dd - that's another issue but I'm standing my ground absolutely no way!!
He agrees with me and then acts like a child if he has to tell his mum no!!
He has got really annoyed with me because I'm getting a test for dd he doesn't want to self isolate and miss football etc !

@Haveacrackingday

She hasn't and won't be babysitting dd - that's another issue but I'm standing my ground absolutely no way!! He agrees with me and then acts like a child if he has to tell his mum no!! He has got really annoyed with me because I'm getting a test for dd he doesn't want to self isolate and miss football etc !

Boo bloody hoo! It’s the law, ffs.

I know it's the law and I've done the right thing but he has made me feel like I'm in the wrong told me when I can act like a grown up we can talk and also told me I need to get my head sorted because how I think isn't right!! All because I told him to tell his mum the truth over the watermelon and because I've ordered a test and asked him to isolate as well

From what you've wrote, it sounds like your DP doesn't care about your child's health. No parent /carer would put a child at risk with their allergies. In fact, they would do everything possible to keep them safe. For me that would be a deal breaker because I would need to know my child is safe with them. You can't keep them separate or be in their company all the time.

As for the covid test, you are doing what you feel is right, but again your DP doesn't seem to care about his child's health. It's very strange that a parent would be worrying about football and xmas shopping in place of their child's health. This would be the final nail in the coffin.

He should be helping you not hindering you.

If it were me, I'd tell him to go stay with his mother until the test is sorted and done and that way he can watch as much football as he likes and they can paint her house with watermelon paint and have quality time together. Then I'd pack all his clothes and I'd enjoy the peace and quiet and knowing your child is safe.

Love the comment about painting her house with the watermelon paint 😄

@Haveacrackingday

He knows all her allergies and he is her bio dad, he just doesn't know how to be honest with his mum and won't ever risk saying anything to her because she acts like a victim

And you can’t say to his mum “ do you have the receipt for that thing you bought. She’s allergic to watermelon so I haven’t let her use it. I mean if you don’t I’ll use it myself or donate it but it’s ashame as the thought from you was lovely” or something to that accord. Your DH sucks though.

No I wouldn't text her now as she's quite a narsasist and will just turn it around on I'm not letting her buy gifts for dd, she's had something against me since I had dd, I try to avoid any conflict If I can, whereas If he told her she would accept and wouldn't take it as I'm the bad guy!

I think you know it's your partner being unreasonable here.

As a side note I don't know if you can get to a test site but the recent couple of tests me /my family have had to had would come back within less than 24hours if done on a site. Usually availability for same day drive through let's say around 10am 3/3 tests have come back before 9am the following day.

Not sure if it applies everywhere but they seem to have sped it up recently might be useful to know If you have plans you are hoping to keep.

Thankyou for your replies, I've done a test today I ordered a home kit, so await the results, I think it will come back inconclusive because she wouldn't sit still, but we will see. He is very selfish and a lot of the time it's what he wants ! I asked if it was possible to do the Xmas shopping earlier this year but as usual he has left it till last minute I don't have an income so have to rely on him to say we can do it

I've never even heard of smelly paint - to me it sounds like she's sought it out specifically because of the allergy.

Your OH sounds horrid. Don't let him talk to you like that. You're entitled to an opinion without being insulted, especially when you're just following guidelines.

I too think it was given with a bit of on purpose she's done it before, she's offer dd a lolly but instead of saying would she like a lolly from the shop ( when we were allowed to be put at parks and shops etc ) she would say would she like a strawberry lolly ( again allergic to strawberries )

So many threads with men who seem to act like spoilt children and get annoyed about saying no to their mothers.

It’s like another different sort of pandemic.

Has it always been like this? If not, what’s the reason?

You are massively over-reacting. Your daughter has a sniffle and your partner is right, you would be putting her at more risk by taking her to be tested!
And I very much doubt that watermelon paint contains real watermelon!
If you're always like this, no, it's not normal.

@katy1213 if you actually bothered to read the thread it states she has a cough - a cough is a symptom of corona and you are advised to be tested! Apparently it's the law now!

As for the paint no it probably doesn't have watermelon in but it has a very strong scent of watermelon and not worth the burning rash if she reacts to it, dd is very sensitive skin and has reacted to some paint in the past!

To me it’s utterly bizarre that she brought round watermelon paint - I’ve never heard of such a thing! Not that I’m saying you’re making it up, just that it’s such an odd thing that she must have looked it out and brought it round because you’ve said she’s allergic to watermelon. It’s not an ordinary run-of-the-mill thing to bring.

@katy1213 are you the OPs partner by any chance?

Our nursery have specifically asked we be extra vigilant and test at the first sign of a cough. The manager said that it is so very hard to tell with little ones if it's just a cold or something more as they seem to have lesser symptoms and get through it better and they want to stay cautious and make sure everyone is as safe as possible.

The OP is absolutely not being OTT and her partner sounds like a dick.