To be frustrated with dp

[Moaningmyrtle65]

I've been on the pill for several years and feel like I want a break from it. I have a health issue that can be exacerbated by hormonal contraception and to be honest dp and I have a fairly irregular sex life (once a month if that and without being graphic he often finishes, ahem "elsewhere") so I sort of feel like being on the pill is largely unnecessary anyway.

Spoken to dp about it of course. He says to stop taking it if I want. I obviously asked the question ' what if we get pregnant' as there's still a risk albeit a small one given our sex life. His response is well if it happens it happens but as my age I don't want to actively try. For context he's 46 and I'm 32. I have a dc from previous relationship and he has no kids.

I've always wanted another but dp seemed reluctant due to his age and inexperience. Also my dc is approaching 10 and I thought the age gap would be too big. But now he says this and I just think is it worth letting fate decide? Or if it did happen would he end up resenting me as it's not 100% what he wants?

I feel a bit disappointed at his slapdash attitude and also how the contraception issue always seems to be the women's responsibility. Wwyd in my situation? The chances of me getting pregnant are small anyway and I've used natural family planning before with success as I had a very regular cycle. Im not daft and realise there's still a risk but frankly I'm sick of filling my body with chemicals.

He’s not even a committed husband though is he.

You don’t mention your child much. Being left with a baby when you’re only responsible for yourself is one thing but risking it when you’ve got a ten year old relying on you is another.

We are engaged. We were due to get married in the summer but obviously covid meant we had to postpone.

My son is everything to me. I consider him first and foremost in all that I do. You've made some very valid points and given me a lot to think about but talking as if him leaving me it a foregone conclusion is unfair and unhelpful.

We have discussed it many times and it seems both are nervous, reluctant, unsure to make a concrete decision either way. I will renew my prescription and stay on the pill for now.

but talking as if him leaving me it a foregone conclusion is unfair and unhelpful.

It’s a very real possibility. In fact it’s more likely your relationship will break down than last the distance. When deciding to bring a child into it, you must be realistic about this. You’re in ostrich territory if you don’t keep this in mind.

We are engaged. We were due to get married in the summer but obviously covid meant we had to postpone.

If you want to get married you still can, even in lockdown.

If you're talking about a wedding, rather than a marriage then that's different.

It feels like you are too passive to make decisions. You just go along with whatever seems to be the easiest option. To me, it sounds like you want a baby and he doesn't.

If I were you I would get legally married now (and have a party/reception/whatever at another time when it's allowed), come off the pill, get pregnant, give him time to realise that if he leaves it to chance it will probably happen, and then settle down into life with a newborn.

But I'm not you.