17 year old staying over at boyfriends

[HowdoIcope2020]

I've said no, but I am the worst person in the world. She suffers with mental health issues and I feel I need to keep an eye on her overnight. But this also makes her behaviour towards me worse. The stress she is putting me under is unmanageable.

Would you allow you 17 year old to stay out at a partners?

Yes if he was a nice guy and they were in a loving relationship. But I know these things are difficult - you want to protect your daughters but ultimately you have to let them make their own decisions ( and mistakes!)

At 17, I'm not sure how you can stop her.

What exactly is it you are worried about?

I did when I was her age. If anything, it helped my mental health? Not that I had mental health issues, but the buzz of your “firsts” and general dating etc was really exciting and made me happy

Is it specifically because it’s her boyfriend or would you not wanting her staying at a friends either?

Personally I wouldn’t, especially if she has mental health issues - DS had a girlfriend whom he loved very much but her mental health issues meant she relied on him greatly. When it ended she suffered a lot and we felt guilty for not having more boundaries in place.

How long have they been together OP?

Thanks for the answers. I worried that I am not being a responsible parent. It is good to hear other opinions, the only other peole I can speak to do not think I am tough enough! I am also worried about covid and households mixing.

I’d have some rules.

1 ok if a relationship of at least 6 months
2limit on number of nights a week
3 must always let you know in good time what the plan is

But also if you want to keep an eye on her, would it be better if he stayed at your place??

They have only been together for a few weeks, but she has known him for a long time. I would feel the same if it was a friends house who I didn't know.

Do you normally stay up at night with her or something? What do you mean by needing to keep an eye on her overnight? Are her mental health issues so severe that she is self harming and threatening suicide hence you 'keeping an eye'? Then of course I would be reluctant to support her staying elsewhere. If she isn't in any danger and she has know the guy for a while then I think it's possibly better for her mental health to support her doing 'ordinary' 17 year old things. Lots of 17 year olds stay over at their b/g f house. Wait while lots of posters come along to explain how their 17 year olds hand their phones over at 7:30pm then go to bed at 9

I have an 18 year old and two 16 year olds

I am confident I have raised them to choose friends based on their morals and beliefs.

They have so far all be fine apart from the odd one here and there.

Yes I’ve let them stay out and they’ve been fine.

Eldest has her boyfriend stay here sometimes, there’s been no issues either

Don’t you remember being young and in love and just wanting the warmth of another person?

I think i was 15 or 16 when i was allowed to stay over and my parents were strict!!! Looking back im really surprised that they let me! I think they took a lot of convincing from other peoples opinions... anyway.. i suppose its different if she has mental health issues.. depends how severe I'd say.. but on other hand, it may make her worse by stopping her from doing 'normal' things and eventually she will rebel against u anyway since shes old enough to just go anyway.. she can move out at this age