To think she's being selfish?

[utterlybaffled]

Feel like im possibly being unreasonable but also still feel upset. So would like to know if it's irrational or not? And who else to ask than the brutally honest friends of Mumsnet!

I have 2 very close friends, we will go with A and B. B's birthday was in November. A& I ordered a £100 present and when it arrived, we had put A's address as she is working from home and I'm not. The present had been put by delivery drivers into a bin that had been left outside for the bin men. It had been left on her porch by her bin men because they'd seen it. She text me to tell me and I said that was outrageous and she needed to tell the company. She told them and they offered her a full refund or a replacement(even though we had the parcel). She said she wanted a full refund. We got our refund. Anyway, a few days later a replacement also showed up. We were gobsmacked and obviously as her house was the delivery house, she was going to be the one who kept it! It was annoying as it was both of our order, but it's not something that could've been shared so I got over it!

A month later, another one has shown it. Originally, we ordered a design and had an email saying if we still wanted that design, we would need to wait a month. We said no and changed the design. She now has 2 free of these £100 items. Friend B said oh amazing, give it to utterlybaffled and then we all have one! But she said no because her dog likes to sleep on it. I essentially said oh come off it it was both of our order! And she called me a spoilt little brat.

Further down the line, it turns out my sister had bought me one for Christmas. But she said A had said nothing to her about this free one and that she felt that she should've. So in my opinion, firstly, if A was trying to save my sisters Christmas present, why would she be bragging on the group chat about how she had 2 free ones now from our order that we both paid for, and secondly, why would she not text my sister to tell her and see if she wanted me to know about it or not? My sister has said she would've loved it and would've spent her money on something else.

While I know a freebie is a freebie, and nobody is entitled to anything, I also think it's completely unfair that a joint order has resulted in my friend earning £250 in goods and money, while I got £50 back, purely because she is easier to deliver to. And I'm more upset that I've been called a spoilt little brat for daring to argue this.

I think it all sounds incredibly tacky...grasping for something in this way... and you need to forget about it.

What???

How can you be bothered it sounds painful.

Shouldn’t she be returning the extra ones? Or did she try that and they said keep them?

If she tried to return them and they said keep them, I totally agree she should give one to you.

If she hasn’t even tried to return them, she’s stolen them and is a thief 🤷‍♀️

Christ this is difficult to follow.

Find something else to occupy your time, stop giving this headspace.

Given it was a joint order and 2 extras arrived then yes you should totally have 1 each. She clearly sees it as her order though as it went to her house.

She should have tried to return them. If the company said keep them, then she should have given one to you. Her calling you a spoiled brat is harsh, if anything she is the one acting spoiled.
I don’t understand the bit about her helping your sister?

if you or she has kept something that has been over-supplied, ie sent twice by mistake, then that could be an offence, o conversion, basically keeping something which you know does not belong to you. it is obviously dishonest. it belongs to the company supplying it.
trade is done on the basis of good faith. this kind of thing puts the price up for everybody. to cover what amounts to theft.
you should not be even thinking in these terms.
have nothing to do with dishonesty. it can grow on you. don't spoil your life or your character.

I really think this question should be included in the next MENSA text as I don't have the foggiest idea what you're going on about

So to sum up she complained that the delivery driver put it in the bin ? but the bin men saw and left it outside, so person a got the parcel but because she complained got a refund and also a replacement.
But it was suggested you have one but she called you a spoilt brat ?
Selfish umm cf I'd say unless I've got that wrong . ?

YANBU you should have both had a freebie each in that scenario.

I'm lost. If I'm following this correctly, a company has been made to send you 3 dog beds for free? "Let's call her A" has kept 2 and the other has gone to "Let's call her B". You had your £50 back anyway?

Surely it's not a dog bed they don't cost £100 do they?

A mattress maybe?

Whole carry on is crazy . I don't know how you can be bothered tbh

I think she’s being utterly selfish. Does she have form for this? I would be so annoyed if she’d told me I was a spoilt brat in the same situation.

Ok, not wanting to drip feed. I apologise if I've made no sense, will try and do a brief breakdown and make more sense

1. A and I ordered a present for B's birthday. We decided it would go to A's house as both her and her partner work from home and I am single and work long hours out of the home.

2. Present is delivered to A's bin that was out on the road waiting for collection , no slip was delivered and she only knew because the bin men had seen it when emptying her bin and left it on her porch

3. A told me about it, and I said that deserves a complaint to the courier, as had her bin men not seen it, she would not have got it and leaving a parcel in a bin that's out for collection is completely unacceptable

4. She messaged me to tell me that she had told them it had been lost because of the bin situation, rather than the full story and we were now getting a full refund

5. she then told me that when she had asked for the refund, she had been offered a replacement as well. She refused the replacement because we already had the parcel. But then the replacement showed up anyway. She kept it.

6. a month later, the original design we had ordered, that had no stock at the time, turned up with no charges. It wasn't a dog bed, it was a £100 comfy item to be worn. But she said I couldn't have it because her dog was sleeping on her free one. She didn't attempt to contact the company and I have been on night shifts and woke up to pictures of her wearing it. So I didn't have a choice in her dealing with it in that way.

7. B said excitedly that it meant that I would have one too, and how great that would be as they both had one, and she said no I wasn't having it. And I was a spoilt brat for arguing that I should have it.

The sister relevance is that I am close to my sister but they are friends too. When I was upset about being called a spoilt brat, I turned to my sister. My sister said that she had got it me as a present. Obviously, I then felt awful about ruining her present. Anyway, she said my friend knew and that while it may have been protecting her present, she would have preferred a text to say she had received the exact same thing for free and asked whether she wanted me to know.

Essentially, if she WAS trying to save my sisters present and not ruin it, why not mention it to her? And if she didn't want to make her feel bad, why is she directly bragging to me about how she now has a second free item from our joint order? I honestly feel like she just wanted to make a big deal of it.

It's all well and good for people to say I don't know how you can be bothered, but when you've been friends with someone for 20 years and they call you a spoilt brat for asking for something you've paid half the order for, I'm not sure what I'm meant to think? If she'd have been prepared to give it back, I wouldn't care. But she isn't, she's keeping it all for herself, and if the order had been made by myself, it would've all arrived at my house.

I hope that's clearer

A good friend would of given you one, lesson learned don't go in on future gifts etc with her

I hope this wasn't a small business who has lost out on £400 because your friend fibbed and said the first item hadn't arrived when it did.

Well you're getting one for Christmas and I'd just let bygones be bygones and chalk it up to experience.

@Tea3 agreed, have apologised to my sister that her very kind present got ruined. And have essentially said that if my friend wants to go halves on anything again she can forget about it.

@Gloomandglow if it was a small business, I would've forced the issue. It's a renowned large company, that don't pay taxes, and tried to wriggle out of all responsibility when complained to and blame the government company that delivered it.

If you’re friends with the kind of person who lie like that to screw over a company, it’s just a matter of time before she screws you over too.

You didn’t ask her to lie to obtain a refund, and I understand why you wouldn’t have felt compelled to grass her up to the company once you found out what she had done. But expecting to share in the ill gotten gains is stretching it a bit far.

She’s far worse than you, but maybe learn from this that it’s best just to stay off that road completely.

Your friend sounds like she’s the one who is a brat. Taking anything she can get for free and not caring about the company who supplied it (many are struggling) or anyone else but herself and her dog.

Lovely. Don’t think I’d be bothering much with this friendship.

A similar thing happened to me many years ago. A friend has her wedding list in Debenhams. Two of us went to buy her some things on it, one being a framed picture. The girl in the till said she’d no bubble wrap left but we could take the boxed one that had just arrived from the warehouse and they hadn’t even opened it and it would be bubble wrapped inside the box so would that do? We said yes and took it. Turns out there were three identical pictures in the box not one. I think we must have posted them on in that same box without opening it, I can’t remember. We got a call from the bride to say there were three in the box and what should she do. We let the bride keep them as it was no skin off our nose. She returned them for store credit and got more stuff to set up her first home with.

Now I’d say that she shouldn’t have done that and we should have returned them as we hadn’t paid for them, but we were young, skint and stupid.

So your friend shoplifted from the retailer by telling them she had not received the purchase when she had, demanded/accepted a refund she wasn't due, and didn't return the second item that she also hadn't paid for.

Your friend is a thief.

I run an online business and am pretty disgusted by the level of dishonesty here. Yes items DO genuinely go missing and get stolen. But for the honesty of the bin men (they could easily have taken it and no questions asked) your friend would not have found it on her porch. To then tell the company it never arrived is fraud. That might be a small "mom and pop" seller who lost out - someone eking out their pension on Ebay or Amazon. Not that it would have made it any less dishonest if it was a multi million pound company.

Im not surprised the couriers who deliver to me now take a photo of where they left the package on the rare occasions I am not in.

She's very stingey and you can't trust her. Dodgey regarding refund.. bloody liar. But morals aside, she should've shared it. Not a good friend, just a long one.

I think your friend fabricated the whole situation... What delivery driver would see a whole row of bins indicating refuse collection day and put a parcel inside one?

You've got £50 from a fraudulent refund (as the parcel was delivered and not lost)
She's got extra parcels and is a theiving CF!