How do you show you aren't jealous anymore ?

[Tropicana218]

Sounds silly, but please be kind.
Imagine that you had been insecure in the past with regard to partner talking about exes and other women. But then you have worked on your insecurity, how do you show in your relationship that you aren't jealous anymore ?
I know it's not some magic switch, but I believe it can be improved and managed.
Just don't want it to ruin the relationship.
When I say talking about other women I mean like him talking about previous encounters etc.

You dump him and find someone who doesn’t bang on about people from their past.

That’s what someone with high self-esteem would do.

Someone with low self-esteem would probably nod and smile encouragingly every time their partner tried to manipulate their emotions by mentioning exes, to show the partner they were fine with it.

If it’s true I don’t think you have to ‘show’ it, you’re just comfortable and secure and don’t feel the need to probe and treat it like any other conversation.

But it depends, if the partner is constantly bringing up exes and women he’s been with then that’s a different problem.

@MacbookHo

You dump him and find someone who doesn’t bang on about people from their past.

This 👆🏻

Oooft @MacbookHo what a great reply! 👏

Thanks, I never probed it, it would just be anecdotes that would come up, like 'once me and this girl were having sex' a few times, or 'once when I was making out with this girl.'

He is the problem not you. Talking about previous sexual encounters like that is so crass and disrespectful.

He seemed to be aware of it as he would laugh nervously and say sorry right after.

@Tropicana218

Thanks, I never probed it, it would just be anecdotes that would come up, like 'once me and this girl were having sex' a few times, or 'once when I was making out with this girl.'

Well that’s a different story. Most people don’t feel the need to bring up details of past shags with their partners because it’s disrespectful. It’s one thing occasionally mentioning an ex in conversation, but that doesn’t mean you need to retell all the times you got your end away with other women.

What Macbookho said

Talk about your own past sexual encounters and tell him hes being 'jealous' when he doesn't like it. Even better if your exes dick was massive 😃

I don't mind hearing the history like 'when I was 20 I dated this girl from London', or whatever, it's interesting and I like knowing about his life. But I don't understand talking about sexual encounters.

@Tropicana218 It's one thing to be accepting of the fact that we all have a history. But how the hell does that come up in conversation? He doesn't sound very nice. I definitely agree with @MacbookHo.

I've been with my DH for 14 years and I don't think I've ever said anything even remotely like what he's said to you.

To answer your initial question though, the other PPs have it spot on. There's nothing you do to prove it, you either aren't jealous or you are. If you aren't then you wont need to do anything, it'll show naturally.

His conversations are weird. Never mind trying to reassure him that you’re not bothered, you should be telling him he needs to find something less weird to talk about! Next time bang it right back at him “don’t you think it’s a little weird to constantly bang on about what you did with ex girlfriends?”

I guess it'll show naturally yeah.
Like he told me he recently bumped into an old female friend. And I realised it was a friend he said he had tried it on with and she rejected him. I wasn't bothered as it was many years ago way before me.
Sometimes I don't care about these comments but sometimes I do.

You didn’t need to work on anything. He’s the one with the problem.

Yes it’ll show naturally... when you ditch him for someone that isn’t an immature dick who tries to make you feel insecure

You don't show not-jealousy, it's more of a complete lack of thinking about it.

I wouldn't say he was especially wrong - my OH and I have talked about past encounters with other people before, either as part of anecdotes (like you said, "once I was making out with this guy in this weird bar in Leeds and then X happened and hilarity ensued" etc) or talking about our likes/dislikes and it doesn't bother either of us, but it very much depends on the context.

Given that he apologised after, I'd say he wasn't doing it deliberately to be upsetting and has clocked that you're not okay with it, so I'd say that was a good thing?

He's the one who's insecure not you. He's trying to make you jealous as it boosts his ego, you sound like a really lovely person so you probably wouldn't admit this....but I'm guessing you're a fair bit more attractive than him? He knows what hes doing x

How long have you been with your partner OP?

7 months !

Just retaliate with your own anecdote every single time. ‘Oh that reminds me of the time I was dating this Olympic canoeist and he could pick me up with one arm! Ahahahhaha!!’ Until you get bored of his attempts to make you feel shit about yourself and get rid of him.

And are you happy with him in general?

It's such an odd thing for him to bring up exes, he's either incredibly socially awkward and doesn't have a concept of appropriate boundaries, or he's doing it on purpose to get a reaction from you.

When you say...

But then you have worked on your insecurity, how do you show in your relationship that you aren't jealous anymore?

What do you mean? Has he made you feel like you are unreasonable to be jealous when he brings up having sex with someone else in the past? Because you are not.