His 'jokes'

[user12121212]

Hello

I'm looking for opinions on wether you think I'm being unreasonable or not.

My OH is generally nice. But sometimes, if I disagree with what he's saying, or sometimes just generally, he will make a personal 'joke' about me.

Never regarding my appearance, but things like 'fucking bitch' daft cun* etc. I can't even think of the top of my head of what's been said pre 'joke' just that i bloody hate it! And have reiterated this to him.

When I express I don't like it he will just say it's a joke, lighten up, where's your sense of humour went? can the old user121212 come back etc.

I just don't know what to think to be honest, I grew up in a very abusive household so that can sometimes skew the lines of wether I'm being too sensitive or not. But don't think it's normal.

Thanks

I bet if you tackled him he would call it "banter". It's not. It's a form of abuse and is recognised as such by domestic abuse experts.

and I love him?

What does love mean to you? Why do you love someone who doesn't respect you or treat you kindly. My daughter fell out of love with her abuser because there was nothing left to love. She walked and never looked back. I can highly recommend it.

How is that a joke?
He sounds horrible.

THat's a joke? He should be doing stand-up, he's hilarious.
You've already told him you hate it. If he can't respect that, I'd be showing him the door.

The fact that you are worried about his initial reaction is even more worrying. Are you secretly afraid that he might become violent physically as well as verbally abusive?

If you phone Women's Aid they can help you make a plan of escape.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

I don't know many people who'd be "compatible" with someone who called them a daft cunt or fucking bitch when they disagreed with them.

I suppose some, shall we say tough around the edges, people I know might take it but they'd be the sort to be calling him the same and worse. Not a particularly healthy or classy dynamic even if they both are ok with it.

Bit it wouldn't be most people; it would be a big problem for most people. It is verbal abuse. And lowering yourself to reciprocate (which I get he would've take anyway) doesn't solve the real problem.

*rough around the edges

Guys, thank you all

I hope your comments are the push I need, because even without the name calling, the fucking grinding of teeth and snoring every night could push anyone to insanity... the fucker wouldn't wake up during an earthquake either

In 17 years together, DH has never called me a daft c*unt or a fucking bitch. Has never sworn at me.

Jokes, for the record are funny, and everyone laughs. It’s actually really easy to tell when someone is telling an actual joke - due to those key features.

OP, don’t stay because he is “nice sometimes”. All abusers are nice sometimes- it’s how they keep you on the hook. If he was 100% abusive you’d have left long ago.
It’s an oft quoted cliche on Mumsnet but it’s true: you wouldn’t drink a cup of tea that contained 10% shit, would you? So why tolerate a relationship that is 10% (or more) abuse?
The only acceptable amount of abuse in a relationship is none.
Please contact Women’s Aid for advice and help on leaving.

Been quiet all morning and he eventually asks what's wrong.

Told him why, and that it's not a joke to me, and upsets me, while in tears. Didn't even get a sorry, just a 'you know I don't mean it and it's just a joke, I'd never call you that for real, I'm just trying to make you laugh' lol well it clearly doesn't make me laugh as he knows.

Then started on about how we never laugh together anymore and he just wanted to make me smile, I'm fucking baffled, why not just accept I don't like it?

My husband would never speak to me like that

He's trying to make you laugh???

Well done for talking to him. Keep telling him you don't like it. It doesn't make you laugh.

Hopefully he will eventually listen.

I feel for you.