To as DH to have a quiet word with DSD

[HarrietPotterska]

I feel I need to preface this by saying DH and I were divorced well before we met, so not the OW or anything like that! Also, DD and I love all of his kids. Please don't flame me**

DH has four DC from his first marriage, ages 23-17. I have one DD from previous marriage, 8.

His youngest, DS is 17 (18 in April) but has always, understandably been the baby of his family. All fine. But, sometimes he can start what I consider to b inappropriate conversations in the presence of my DD, so, mildly sexual, or calling people fat, swearing etc. In DD's eyes he's a grown up, and I guess I'm uncomfortable with it. I think he's not used to having much younger kids around so probably doesn't know, if that makes sense?

WIBU to get DH to have a super gentle conversation with him about it before they all come to stay over Christmas?

Yanbu at all. I’m surprised your other half doesn’t shut him down as soon as he hears the conversation going that way!

No idea why you're even asking whether you're being unreasonable... That's how reasonable a request this is

You can get your DH to speak to him, but you should be protecting your daughter and calling DSS out in the moment.

Also, unless there's skme sort of SEN, he knows it isn't appropriate conversation to have in front of an 8yr old and is either trying to wind you up, trying to be edgy, trying to cause trouble or all of the above.

When did it start? And did your dh say anything then?

The trying to be "edgy" comment has nailed it! It doesn't help that his big sisters all take the mick out of him!

Honestly, I don't want to "parent" someone else's kid. Plus, it's really quite subtle. I think at the time I've almost not wanted to draw attention to it, rather distract my DD with something!

It's not about parenting someone else 'kid' it's about looking out for own child best interest. Surprised your even asking this.

I understand now my nieces are young adults we have the same issues at family get togethers. Not so bad for our 15 year old to hear but I don’t like in front of the 11 year old. Fortunately DH will speak up in the moment.

So don't parent him, just treat him the same as you would an adult talking about something inappropriate in front of your kid. Raised eyebrows, "mind your audience!" and a slight rolled eye if you're feeling particularly put upon.

You don’t have to parent him per se just in the moment say “erm small ears can we tone it down please”

You don’t need to parent a nearly 18 year old, but you do need to protect your 8 year old child and if anyone was using sexual language or swearing in front of an 8 year old, I’d shut it down, regardless of if the actual parent was there.

I agree with Mycircus, I'd be saying, 'oi, remember everyone in the room isn't legal, age appropriate please!'

YANBU at all.

Treat him like you would an adult who was talking like that around your child. I'd have no issue saying "oh be careful what you say around little ears please" to anyone saying inappropriate things around kids. But I also would say "well that's not very nice" if someone was being nasty about someone else.