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AIBU?

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Original poster

14-year-old son and alcohol

26 replies

GettingUntrapped · 05/12/2020 17:50

My son turned 14 recently and his father (we are separated) bought him some 330ml cans of local craft beer. He presented it saying son would like the design on the cans as it is something he is very into (he loves this local area and the can design alludes to an iconic famous dead pop star.
Not sure what to make of it, as buying beer for a 14-year-old isn't something that I would have thought of.
It was very well received and son seems to enjoy drinking them, one a night before bed.
As far as I am aware, this is certainly not a green light for regular drinking, but I feel a bit uncomfortable. Would you?

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 05/12/2020 17:53

I think I'd probably try and encourage him to be drinking them with a meal rather than just before bed. But it's not illegal for him to be drinking it at home. I think it's better to learn responsible drinking of good quality stuff rather than out with his pals in the park with the cheap gut rot stuff.

tiredybear · 05/12/2020 17:54

Nope. Learning how to drink responsibly is important.

Cliff1975 · 05/12/2020 17:54

A weak shandy on a special occasion - fine. Your own beer one a night before bed - not fine. He is 14 this is wrong for many reasons not least because you are telling him its ok!

MakeItRain · 05/12/2020 17:55

Yes this would make me uncomfortable. I don't think alcohol is an appropriate present for a 14 year old. It's one thing allowing a small drink with a meal for example, but giving it as a gift is different. I would be very unimpressed if someone gave my 14 year old alcohol as a present.

Ohalrightthen · 05/12/2020 17:55

One a week, with a meal, not on a school night.

Wheresmykimchi · 05/12/2020 17:57

I don't think it's the worst thing ever but as PP said I'd be allowing these with a meal on a sat night.

Sturmundcalm · 05/12/2020 17:57

I would be v unhappy as there is some evidence that parents normalising alcohol consumption in this way can lead to greater levels of drinking, particularly in a culture like the UK's.

I'd definitely not be happy with him having 1 every night - I make sure (as a 40-something!) to have at least 3 and normally 4-5 nights a week where I don't drink so really don't think it's a good idea to get into the habit of drinking daily...

Standrewsschool · 05/12/2020 18:00

I don’t think I would buy a 14 year old bottles of beer, but wouldn’t mind them drinking an odd glass with a Sunday roast, for example.

However, it sounds like he is being responsible.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 05/12/2020 18:00

I dont know. I think allowing him a small glass of beer at meal times occasionally is fine e.g. christmas, weddings, his birthday. If his dad had bought them one each to drink together on his birthday or something that would be fine

But his own beer to drink alone? Its a bit far. It he was 16 maybe, hes really too young for having a beer before bed. I dont think I actually had an alcoholic drink alone until Id finished uni so 22/23ish!

frustrationcentral · 05/12/2020 18:02

I wouldn't be keen on the idea of one a night before bed - feels like it could cause a habit?

I recently bought my 17 year old a small pack of ciders for his birthday - I've given him a bottle before for parties (last year or so). I wouldn't have done it at 14 though

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 05/12/2020 18:04

There is nothing responsible about this. It’s not a special occasion or even a social one. Drinking every night is a ridiculous habit for a teenager to get into and no there is no evidence he won’t binge drink when older.

OctaviaOrange · 05/12/2020 18:04

Wouldn't allow it in a million years. And I have a 14 year old.

16, with a special occasion meal - yes maybe.

Original poster
GettingUntrapped · 05/12/2020 18:08

When he was given it, I felt uncomfortable, but then thought it's okay because it's because of the can design, not the beer. I thought our son would save them and maybe crack one open on special occasions, like Christmas.
He's had one a night (five in total) and saw it as an extension of his birthday, with his father's approval. I'm so glad they are all finished now.

OP posts:
Original poster
GettingUntrapped · 05/12/2020 18:11

Should have added that my son likes to collect can designs that he likes. However, he seemed a bit too keen on the beer for my liking.

OP posts:
FPS123 · 05/12/2020 18:15

I’m not buying the can design really. Surely there are lots of other things with interesting designs?
I think 14 is too young for this gift.

flaviaritt · 05/12/2020 18:16

I would have expected this to be discussed with me. Your 14 YO drinking a beer a night is not the start of a healthy relationship with alcohol. I’d put my foot down now.

Warpdrive · 05/12/2020 18:19

If it makes you uncomfortable then trust your instincts.

elldog6 · 05/12/2020 18:19

It's absolutely fine. Responsible drinking is best learnt early else they'll hit 18 and make up for it.

It's also legal to drink at home at his age and it's not like his dad's doing 15 shots with him!

reginaphalangeeee · 05/12/2020 18:20

Absolutely no way would I be okay about this, I'd be furious if my son's dad was allowing him to drink one beer a night.

Newkitchen123 · 05/12/2020 18:22

No
It's not ok

Nonamesavail · 05/12/2020 18:22

No way. Iwouldnt allow this.

OneTC · 05/12/2020 18:25

I reckon the gift in itself is fine

The drinking them on consecutive nights doesn't seem like such a good idea

MorganKitten · 05/12/2020 18:38

@GettingUntrapped

Should have added that my son likes to collect can designs that he likes. However, he seemed a bit too keen on the beer for my liking.
Why did you let a child drink in your house? You’re the adult.
Original poster
GettingUntrapped · 05/12/2020 18:42

Yes, I will trust my gut instinct that it is inappropriate for many reasons. His father has (diagnosed) ADHD and has in the past been very off-queue with regards to age appropriate things with our children.
Your comments have helped me how to frame it (well, I'm in charge whether I like it or not). Hope you are having a good evening.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 05/12/2020 18:56

I wouldn't want my DC drinking a can of beer at 14 maybe a shandy at Christmas if they were persistent.
16 yes no problem.