Never understood why people say this

[Tropicana218]

I'm aware the honeymoon period plays a part, but still.
Some people seem to think that in the first 3/6/9 or however many months of the relationship that everything should be perfect and amazing all of the time, that there should be no argument and that people should be on their 'best behaviour'.

Why not be your authentic self from day one ?

There's a lot of 'if he's like this after 3 months, imagine what he's like after 3 years'.

So at what point does it become a normal relationship where people let their mask slip ?

What's the point of relationships if there's this 'window' where it's all perfect and amazing (not realistic), then it becomes not as good from X month or year.

I think early on in anything new people are generally more aware of presenting themselves in the best way. Over time as you get to know people more you tend to become more relaxed and therefore not quite so worried about covering flaws

Life would be so much easier if everyone revealed their authentic self on the first date. Some might text other women while talking to you, others might steal from your purse while you're not looking and others might just give you a punch on the nose.

It's not difficult to see why people tend to be on their best behaviour at first, is it? We all like to show our best side when there's someone we want to impress. The point that people are making is that if someone is behaving badly early on, god help you later.

We sell ourselves

And we project

Neither is wrong unless both is completely out of touch with reality

What was really nice or cute or amusing in the first few months often isn’t two years down the line (and tedious if you splitting up)

I think if we all revealed our true authentic selves on date 1, everyone would be single.

Because a person can't honestly show all their traits in 1 day.

And its easy to look past potential issues to begin with, that will eventually make you want to stick bamboo shoots under your own finger nails.

Srslydontgiveacrap

I think you might be right

I've never really thought about about it in that way before.

I would have thought most couples have at least a minor disagreement within the first couple of months surely? Imo people tend to hide their flaws and show the best version of themselves for the first few dates but then relax and hope that the other will look past their flaws once they know each other better. Obviously that is the decent people, abusers don't show their true selves until their partner is pretty much trapped usually. But with normal, decent people I think it's probably insecurity that stops them being 100% themselves at first, not wanting to put the other person off.

With giving relationship advice I suppose I think of it as if you are unhappy with this personality trait now, while your relationship is still in its infancy, then how will you deal with it later on if you end up living together and/or raising children together? I think that even in the early days you have to think about the future.

I think at the start of a relationship when we first fall in love we wear rose tinted glasses. I don't think love fades but I think the intensity at the start is such that we don't see the bad bits, and we probably try to show our very best side.

This is something I'm personally very aware of. I come with a bit of a background that can be offputting to people - my policy was always to be upfront on the first date and let people vote with their feet to start with. Worked incredibly well, did a great job of weeding out the dickheads.

Hormones have a lot to answer for at the start, you are flooded with dopamine and serotonin and the world seems amazing.

Additionally, speaking from personal experience, we had absolutely nothing to argue about until we lived together. Then triple the amount when we had a baby. It wasn't anything to do with masking/hiding our true selves, our lives were just simpler, easier and we both were able to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted.

I think that its more if its not wonderful in the beginning when its all new and exciting, you are falling in love and doing nice things together,; what will it be like 10 years down the line when you have screaming kids and money worries?

Poeple are usually on their best behaviour when they first meet and as they become more comfortable and confident in the relationship they relax and barriers come down. The first flush of a relationship can be very intense and overwhelming and you don't always see the annoying and irritating traits in the other! In the honeymoon phase there is a tendency to be caught up in the romance and newness of the relationship - then realities creep in, difficult family dynamics, where to live money, health, pregnancy----hey presto honeymoon over!!!

It’s good old Hormones
After 18 months- 2 years they wear off and you start to see the real person