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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hopeless. Just utterly hopeless.

19 replies

FrostyPineCone · 05/12/2020 11:26

NC'd as I know a couple of friends are on here and know my username. Changed as don't want to arouse concern.

I feel hopeless. I am wandering from one day to the next, just existing, not living.

I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing to wake up for.

This Christmas will be utterly dire. I know that sounds ungreatful but sadly that is how I am feeling.

AIBU to feel like this? I feel utterly and completely alone. I cannot speak to my DP as he wouldn't understand - he would overly worry about me and make me revert back into the shell I have created.

Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Please.

OP posts:
Meowchickameowmeow · 05/12/2020 11:39

Why is Christmas going to be dire?
Please talk to your partner or to your doctor if you feel you can't. No one can help you if they don't know how you're feeling.
Would planning something help? You say you have nothing to look forward to so give yourself something to look forward to.

AcornAutumn · 05/12/2020 11:40

I know the feeling
I can only say you’re not alone. Sorry that’s not helpful.

tiredybear · 05/12/2020 11:52

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

You say you name changed so as not to cause concern...but why? That is the black dog of depression telling you that you are not worth care and attention in difficult times.

How you are feeling is not ok. You deserve to feel happy. Your loved ones SHOULD be concerned about you, so they can support you properly.

You need to tell someone IRL how you are feeling.....if not your partner then a friend, doctor, parent....

Taking that first step to admitting you are not ok is very hard but you DESERVE to feel better.

xxx

Original poster
FrostyPineCone · 05/12/2020 16:14

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to give me advice. If the feeling doesn't go away I plan to see a doctor next week.
I feel as though there is nothing to plan as everything I've planned has been taken away (due to covid, lockdown, tiers etc). But I know so many other people are feeling low too.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 05/12/2020 16:23

Could you plan something small-scale so it's something to look forward to but won't be a crashing disappointment if it doesn't come off? I find it helps to have something in the diary that feels like a night out. Tier 2 here, though - so I know we're luckier than many.

madmumofteens · 05/12/2020 16:33

Oh OP I hear you! I hadn't been out with my DH as a couple for months just been for lunch feeling more like me give it a go just book it x

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/12/2020 16:46

It will sound bitHmm but have your vit D check. It's possible it's low (autumn🤷🏻) and it's making your low feelings worse. It can put me on my arse when mine goes low

Speak to your DO, speak to your GP and listen to the good advice from pps here

AcornAutumn · 05/12/2020 17:21

@FrostyPineCone

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to give me advice. If the feeling doesn't go away I plan to see a doctor next week. I feel as though there is nothing to plan as everything I've planned has been taken away (due to covid, lockdown, tiers etc). But I know so many other people are feeling low too.
I feel as though there’s nothing to plan as well.
Original poster
FrostyPineCone · 05/12/2020 17:33

@SchrodingersImmigrant that's a good call regarding the vit D. May order some off Amazon and see if it helps.

As for listening to the advice on here - I certainly am. I'm very greatful for people taking the time to respond. When you feel low it's the little things like that that can perk you up.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/12/2020 17:37

I would get bloods done. Mine was so low I had to have a prescription for a while. Life changing I must say.

Buy yourself a plant. You wouldn't believe how such small thing can cheer you up. Till you I murder it🙈

Caesargeezer · 05/12/2020 18:44

Ask for a blood test. I’ve not been feeling myself and it turned out my iron and vitamin D levels are very low.

HelpMeh · 05/12/2020 18:50

I've never particularly struggled with my mind until this year - you aren't alone. I've got a lot of stuff going on anyway but i feel in a constant state of high stress and every time one thing is resolved, something else crops up to make me feel worse.

I'm alright but I'm definitely overwhelmed and I don't like it.

Try to force yourself to do some exercise every day if you can - it helps a bit, even if only for the 30 mins you're doing it.

DrSop · 05/12/2020 18:55

You're not alone op.

Many people will be feeling exactly the same right now. This whole year has felt like an exercise in literally holding it together. It's been shit. And I agree, it feels pointless to even book anything or look forward to anything, since so many things seem uncertain.

You're allowed to feel this way. It's been an absolutely dog shit year.

Wrigleys123 · 05/12/2020 18:58

I feel the same, actually feel really lonely to be honest! The pandemic has made me realise I don't have many friends!

I hope you can find something to look forward to, I have ordered a couple of books to distract myself 1

mbosnz · 05/12/2020 19:07

OP, I hear what you're saying. (I cringe writing that. But so much has been taken away and out of our power this year, things we take for granted - holidays, exams (couldn't believe my daughter would be in my arms crying because she couldn't take her exams, poor lass), seeing family, day to day life of shopping, seeing friends, going to the gym and all that.

There is stuff that can't be taken from us.

For me, I've focussed on what we can control, so decorations, food, wine, movies, and yeah, I know it's lame, but it's what I've got. Just making the most of what we can and do have.

I'm taking vit d, b12, and magnesium, and I can really tell if I miss it. And yes, to the exercise, even if it's just up to the bottle bank to put the empties away, lol.

This too shall pass. I promise. Hang on in there. Maybe your DP is feeling the same way, and worried about opening up to you? Or have you thought about a journal or diary?

Tomorrowisanotherdayyouknow · 05/12/2020 19:08

Sadly, I feel there are aa lot of people feeling this way. The expectations for modern life are so high normally and with covid and all that it brought it has made things extra hard this year.

If you are very depressed, please see your doctor or talk to someone.

If you are just fed up try to lower your expectations temporarily - Christmas can be simple. No one has to compete and have a fantastic time all of the time. If you on social media have a break from it - it is mind numbingly depressing sometimes and drags people down.

Take one day at a time and try to look for the small things to smile about. Reach out to a friend who might be similar to you for a socially distanced walk...
Good luck Flowers

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/12/2020 19:14

For me, I've focussed on what we can control,

This is the best way to go through life generally, but it's the best advice especially in these times. Even my DH didn't moan about helping me decirate this year. Normally it's lots of excuses (in his defence he doesn't, well didn't, celebrate Christmas as he is non Christmas religion), but this year? "Yeah ok, I will bring the step ladder".
Made me nervous 👀

Do small things. They all count together

Ghostlyglow · 05/12/2020 19:45

So sorry you feel this way. I feel the same. You are not alone Flowers

theThreeofWeevils · 05/12/2020 19:56

Feeling hopeless seems a perfectly rational response to circumstances to me: covid and its economic aftermath, the looming shitshow that is Brexit, climate change... Be a bit odd to be bursting with optimism, really.
People are too ready to pathologise normal feelings, imo.

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