Baby class changing goalposts late notice

[EnglishRain]

I've just seen an email stating that only one parent can attend this one off Christmas themed baby class.

Back story is that this was booked before lockdown, and at the Halloween one two parents were able to attend. After booking, but before payment, lockdown happened. A week ago they said it could go ahead and we had to pay ASAP to secure our place.

At 10pm last night I get an email saying only one of us can go, and it's on Sunday morning. It's an hour's drive away on one of my DH's two days off. It's also more than twice the price of a 'normal' class because it is Christmas themed. Apparently we can't have a refund because it's too short notice, but I feel the goalposts have moved significantly. DH doesn't want to go on his own (has Aspergers and says he would be very anxious) ) and I go to the normal version of this class regularly anyway...

YABU - suck it up
YANBU - push for money back

@EnglishRain that's not really fair on @Laurargh .
She's right, I'm a first time mum and have been able to do a couple of classes, you are lucky to be able to go to some, they make a huge difference to your week, esepcially with lockdown and there isn't enough spaces for everyone.

Either go or don't, but you're in a privileged position to have the choice to.

Let your husband go

I would only ever expect one parent at anything at the moment to be honest

For the sake of £10, if is causing you this much stress, then just don’t go.
I totally understand them limiting adult places atm.

Message as per suggested above - given disabilities, you only booked this event at this venue due to 2 adults being able to go, as you were lead to believe was possible. You understand they have to change the way they are running the event, but now will not be able to attend alone due to the change, please can they arrange a refund.

@Laurargh have you tried your local family centre? Mine are amazing and boosted me up a list when they realised I was becoming socially isolated and struggling. Going to a class either virtual or in person has saved my sanity.
Don't forget you can bubble up with another family if you have a bay under one, for added support.
As for the GP and health visitor please do try again, in some trusts you can self refer to mental health services too so that may be worth looking into.

Please feel free drop me a PM if you want, I'm another first time mum struggling in lockdown but I'm happy to have a chat or virtual cuppa if you need it. This year has been hard, please be kind to yourself.

Have you discussed any of this with the class provider? Just give them a call. Pre-pandemic I ran baby classes and now my venue has remained completely closed since March, it is awful for parents as there's nothing going on round here so it's good you have something to get out to. But as to us class providers, we generally aren't big greedy faceless corporations trying to steal everyone's money, most providers are just small businesses really struggling and still human! They'll have been under strict opening guidelines about adult numbers and they'll probably need to have put the price up to account for limited numbers and possibly extra overheads like ppe and deep cleaning. My weekend specials always cost more and has limited adults due to various factors Pre-pandemic anyway, but I'm sure in your situation they can discuss it with you and be flexible :) either someone else will be desperate for your place and the provider will have a waiting list, therefore you could get a refund, or they'll understand about your DH's needs and accommodate you both.

£10? For £10 go or don't go, it's your choice. But don't get wound up by it. They've probably said no refunds because they couldn't afford the loss of loads of cancellations. It's probably legally technically incorrect but it's a baby group, not an international crime syndicate.

Sorry to hear you've been struggling. Hope you feel better soon.

@MargosKaftan

Message as per suggested above - given disabilities, you only booked this event at this venue due to 2 adults being able to go, as you were lead to believe was possible. You understand they have to change the way they are running the event, but now will not be able to attend alone due to the change, please can they arrange a refund.

Only say this if it is literally true that you can never visit town X unassisted.

It is not clear that the extent of DH's disability means you cannot take a child (car seat hater or not) over a journey of that length

I think yanbu
I know the sorts of events you mean, they make them all beautiful and Christmassy and lots of people book so their other halves can see the baby enjoy the session, take nice photos etc because they can’t normally come to the normal classes.
It sounds wrong if they knew they’d have the restrict parental numbers when they asked for payment but only mentioned it straight after

Honestly for the sake of the tenner, just let it go, unless you're really really strapped for cash yourself. I'm on maternity leave with baby 2, the women who run the classes I'd ordinarily be going to are really struggling financially, and keep having their plans changed at short notice by changes in regs, venues pulling the plug etc.

Having said that, I do think you should be refunded, and if you're going to their normal class every week it would be bad business sense for them to risk your custom.

I really have empathy for any new mum's navigating the world with a new baby at the moment, yes it might be small to some but the op may just wanted to have enjoyed a normal family experience that she will have missed out on this year. I really admire any new mum's in 2020, you have all had so little support yet soldiering on and doing a great job. People should be a little kinder and more thoughtful to one and other.

And I do feel for you - we went to Halloween and Christmas baby sensory sessions with DD1 and they were lovely for DH to see the stuff we were doing each week. Our first proper family days out really. I wouldn't have been bothered wasting weekend time to go by myself either.

[quote EnglishRain]@Laurargh

I've got PND and am under the perinatal mental health team with twice weekly home visits. Are you envious of that too? Thought not.[/quote]
A bit harsh. There was absolutely nothing wrong with PP's reply.

It is lucky that some baby groups are on. Mine are and I feel lucky.

I imagine the fact that you are really struggling with PND is why this feels such a big deal. Hopefully you can give your place away and then things might feel less overwhelming. Things will also feel less overwhelming as your baby gets older. This year as not been great for new mums.

£10 do the normal class is £3/£4 that is deficient a privileged position, there's next to nothing running here and groups are all at least £10-12 a time and often have to be paid in advance a term at a time, £40 is the cheapest father Christmas other local farm it would've cost £100. I would've thought it obvious multiple parents couldn't attend something like this. The club running this class have done a nice thing to try and include as many babies as possible, and more parents than usual, lots of those attending won't be going to a weekly group like you are.
You've also been unnecessarily rude to a PP. It's time to take a step back OP and try and recognise things from others' perspectives.

YANBU

If you book something and then they make a significant change, then that's not what you booked and it's not unreasonable to want your money back.

I honestly don’t think this is a big deal. Just ask for your money back if you don’t want to go
However I work in the kids activity industry and bear in mind right now things are very difficult for us and if we don’t get supported then frankly most of us won’t see out the winter. I am very surprised that any class allows two parents in at the moment, unless the parents are also paying. The rules we have to follow make it very difficult for us to make any money at al.

I would ask for a refund, if you're a regular they can carry it over to another class.

@EverdeRose Thanks for the advice, I will try HV again next week and hope I speak to someone else - the person this week was rude but mightve been overworked. It is the same phone number as our Family Hub.
I had counselling for social anxiety before I got pregnant, and I didn't have any pregnancy classes before lockdown to meet other mums, so it feels like I'm taking steps backwards.
Thank you for listening though, I'm sorry if my post was a bit harsh - I should've thought more first.

I wouldn't be happy either.
Just send an email to say it's too far for just one of you to go and ask for a credit for next term's classes.

YANBU regarding your OP but you owe @Laurargh an apology.

I think you can't complain that they have 'changed the goalposts' - it's probably to do with the venue's Covid rules rather than the class organisers which may have changed since they booked the space, but you can definitely complain about them not offering a refund under the circumstances.

Yanbu to ask for your money back. You have planned for two of you to go and they've changed that. They need to refund you.

The money spent is frustrating but you might decide that the morning of time as a family without having to schlep miles away is worth £10 to you, especially if you can transfer the ticket so it isn’t wasted.

Give it a try, ask for money back, explain your reasons to them the way you have on this forum. If not, suck it up. No drama