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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it just come across totally dickish...

45 replies

FurrySlipperBoots · 05/12/2020 00:01

to (gently) point out to someone I don't even know that his daughter's condition is spelled 'cerebral palsy' not 'Ceribol paulsey' as he consistently writes it?

As I say I don't know the guy, it's just a randomer online, and I really don't want to risk hurting him, but it seems wrong to just let him blunder on in misapprehension - it's going to be a huge part of his life forever more after all.

His daughter is already 3, if that makes a difference.

YABU - unnecessary, it would just come across really toxic!

YANBU - it would be a kindness to tactfully set him straight

OP posts:
MoggyP · 05/12/2020 07:21

He'll have seen the correct spellng oodles of times in correspondence about his DC and probably on support sites.

I think it is wrong to conjecture that his spelling is because of a 'misapprehension'

We could come up with all sorts of reasons why he isn't using the normal spelling (one of which is, sadly, that he's a troll)

Engage with him if you have worthwhile stuff to say about about coping, leave him be on everything else.

HaggieMaggie · 05/12/2020 07:33

Completely unnecessary. My. Mums spelling is awful and with a son who has multiple LD she can spell his conditions several different ways depending on the day of the week.

She is the most amazing mum in the world.

FortunesFave · 05/12/2020 07:36

This is terrible. Are people really that unaware of things like Dyslexia? And other learning disabilities?

You know what he means....so does everyone else. Stop being such a dick. Chances are he won't even remember if it IS pointed out to him because some people JUST STRUGGLE with spelling and writing!

Mybobowler · 05/12/2020 07:44

I agree with PP. My older brother has dyslexia and a) he knows and is embarrassed that he is spelling things incorrectly and b) seeing it spelled correctly is unlikely to make much difference. My brother spells my daughter's name incorrectly every single time he writes it down, and it's not like he hasn't seen the correct spelling!

This man can read, he has seen the correct spelling of cerebral palsy, but if he is dyslexic, unless he is writing it out multiple times a day with reference to the correct spelling, it's likely that it'll remain a word or phrase he struggles with. Don't say anything, OP.

satnighttakeaway · 05/12/2020 07:44

You could type a reply with it spelled correctly but surely he'll think you don't know how to spell it if he thinks his version is correct.

I don't know enough about dyslexia to know if a phonetic spelling of some words is a characteristic but wouldn't you still want to make sure you got such an important spelling correct? I know dyslexia doesn't mean you can't spell any words.

FortunesFave · 05/12/2020 07:48

Satnight My DD has ADHD and Dysgraphia. Combined, the two disabilities make her spelling atrocious. She can't concentrate long enough to learn...she tries and can learn some with a big effort but this man's spelling is similar to DDs. She writes how she thinks things ought to look

OutComeTheWolves · 05/12/2020 07:49

No fucking way. My guess is he has something that prevents him spelling it correctly- dyslexia would be the most common example. He'll have seen it spelled correctly on countless letters/websites etc. A stranger popping up in a place where presumably he goes for support will not be helpful in the slightest so why bother.

The purpose of language (both written and verbal) is to communicate. If you understand what he is trying to communicate then there is no need to correct him.

pictish · 05/12/2020 07:50

Rude. It is perfectly obvious what he’s writing so no need for the correction unless he’s turning in an essay for you.
He might have a disability that affects his literacy skills or perhaps he just doesn’t give a shit about spelling...either way it’s not for you to worry about.
You could always spell it correctly in a sentence of your own.

Sargass0 · 05/12/2020 08:00

@FurrySlipperBoots

I bet he would know how to spell twat

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:13

he would know already, he would have letters quoting the correct spelling, he just didnt have them in front of them when he wrote the post.

dont be a dick op

yetanothernamitynamechange · 05/12/2020 08:43

It may well be a combination of dyslexia (or something else) and his phone - if he spelt it wrong the first time and it got saved into the system it will be "autocrrecting" (or autoincorrecting) to that spelling for evermore

38DegreesToday · 05/12/2020 08:44

I voted YABU because possibly

  • he doesn’t care about spelling. I do, I would be completely horribly judgmental and think he was possibly a bit thick or lazy or slack if I thought this was the issue HOWEVER
  • he may have dyslexia which means the spelling thing would be impossibly difficult for him and hardly his fault.

If you actually type his spelling into google it finds and corrects it into the correct spelling for you so he probably would know it’s not right anyway. So a bit pointless pointing it out as he probably knows.

CatteStreet · 05/12/2020 08:44

He's clearly spelling it as it sounds (to him). This does happen when people don't read a lot, but also with conditions where there's not neessarily an automatic link between reading the correct version and being able to retain/reproduce it. It's the 'Chester draws' phenomenon, which is why I never join in the millions of threads on here laughing/sneering at that spelling. Quite frankly, we should be pleased that people who have not had the best access to literacy in their lives, for whatever reason, have a means of writing and communicating - participating in public discourse - rather than being seen and not heard/read as once was the case, and focus on ways of ensuring that the next generations have as equitable an access to literacy (including comprehension) as possible.

AddisonM · 05/12/2020 08:49

I mean if he Googles it now then this thread might come up.

mollscroll · 05/12/2020 09:09

I would want to help too and I don’t think it’s dickish to want to - he will be judged by people including the medical profession and it might help a tiny bit if he could get the name of the condition right. The words are quite relevant as well as they each mean something related to the condition unlike, say, Alzheimer’s.

So I get your motivation but I don’t think you can or should. Doubtless he has seen the words written before but may have dyslexia or a similar condition that makes retention and reproduction of the words harder.

MoggyP · 05/12/2020 09:15

@AddisonM

I mean if he Googles it now then this thread might come up.
I'm a saddo that just tried that, and no it doesn't. It brings up pages of links to cerebral palsy sites.
TheSilentStars · 05/12/2020 09:26

@mollscroll

I would want to help too and I don’t think it’s dickish to want to - he will be judged by people including the medical profession and it might help a tiny bit if he could get the name of the condition right. The words are quite relevant as well as they each mean something related to the condition unlike, say, Alzheimer’s.

So I get your motivation but I don’t think you can or should. Doubtless he has seen the words written before but may have dyslexia or a similar condition that makes retention and reproduction of the words harder.

No, he won't be judged by the medical profession. He'll be judged by twats who think they are somehow superior to him.

The OP's contempt for this man shows in how he's referred to as a "randomer". She doesn't even know him, so she's either on a forum with him, or online dating him.

Either way, nobody who ever corrects anyone else's English in such a context (especially in the context of a disabled child) is doing it out of kindness.

mollscroll · 05/12/2020 09:36

The medical profession have dicks too. A friend with a very severely disabled daughter learned early on to dress very well when attending medical appointments. She noticed that drs took her more seriously when she dressed like another professional person. She could advocate better for her dd like that.

Ive noticed it when attending appointments with my mum too. She’s 80. The talking down and dismissing of her testimony is incredible. Because she’s 80 and doesn’t look like one of them. When I’m with her and in professional work mode the medics are more respectful (to me but at least I get to reiterate what she has been saying). She’s very bright and articulate by the way but they don’t register that because all they see is old lady.

It’s shocking but it’s true. And a warning to us all - don’t get old. You won’t be taken seriously.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 10:09

op someone will tell him, he will learn sometime, it doesnt need to be you, a stranger.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 10:10

we dont know he goes on support sites,

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