Asked to come in to see teacher and SEN- so worried...

[Fruitbatdancer]

Can someone talk me back from the ledge?
DS 6, history of glue ear (now resolved) and sight issues (now has glasses- how did we not know till school check he was practically blind??) this led to language delay, and he’s summer born, he’s behind at school, we knew this. We struggle to get his attention for homework, so hired a tutor on a Saturday morning ($$$) and he just sits and works with her perfectly and he loves it. Writes sentences with guidance but handwriting pretty poor and not cursive.
He’s quite quite and shy, but we’ll behaved, I think he’s daunted by school, was never ready for reception, and isn’t as confident there (he’s super confident at home, for example well go out for meal he’ll hold court at table telling stories, making us laugh, great sense of humour)
Anyway,.. it was their phonics test last week (late coz you know, covid) and we knew he might not pass, despite extra help with phonics, and his reading coming on but only just on yellow books...
Anyhow email from school, teacher asked us to come in Monday? To see him and SEN (was previously under Sen for language delay). How worried should I be? What will they say? I feel immediately defensive and terrified, have I let him down? Will they throw him out of school? Will they say He’ll never catch up? I’m now thinking I never should have gone back to work, and covid is awful I’m a key worker, so terrible as no time to home school and DH is shit at it. I just feel like I’ve let him down, I’m so worried what they’ll say? What happens if you fail phonics SAT?
Email said ‘he’s significantly behind, they want to discuss progress and attainment, and make sure we’re on same page”
Help! I’m tired and emotional after a long week, anyone had something similar?

I do understand how you feel because I was you once. My son is now 19 and having a gap year before university. He got through high school and his exams with a lot of tutoring - mostly from us and some professional tutors - most weeknights. He was never much good at phonics but his primary school were obsessed with it.

The most helpful book I read on the subject was by Jeffrey Freed called Right-Brained Children in a Left-Brained World. It is specifically for ADHD children but it has a visualisation method of learning spelling. It transformed his weekly spelling list from a 7 day marathon to maybe an hour or so of relatively painless learning that did not involve phonics. I promise I'm not related to the author. I must admit I tried a lot of things that were not successful from the Feingold diet to hypnotism! Also my son when young constantly reversed his letters and numbers but it was problem with position and he simply grew out of it and was never dyslexic though he did have other problems. He did have occupational therapy to try to improve his co-ordination in a special children's clinic and I think it helped a bit.

I forgot to say that his teachers were very grim about my son's likely educational prospects. I did change his school and the new school was much more helpful and had a plan to help him catch up. We are not in the UK btw.

I can't understand a school that has just 5 assessments a year carried out. In my county dyslexia and other educational support assessments are carried out by the specialist teacher service. My school is a bog standard primary in quite a difficult area, we have around 20-25 assessments completed each year, some new ones and some annual updates. Yes, it's expensive but worth it if it catches a special need or provides support for a child who is struggling. Each assessment costs about £350, it would be outrageous to expect a parent to pay. ( Mind you, we have just had a child transfer to us whose previous school insisted he had no special needs, he is working 3 years behind expected and clearly has dyslexia but received no support at all so there are schools who seem to refuse to believe they have a responsibility to help!)

I am a teacher and I don't think you should pay. I think you should just assume your child has dyslexia and other processing needs and go from there. The teacher and SENCO should put things in place whether he has a dyslexia test or not. Often private tests are inconclusive and your child may be a bit young.
No idea why you are defensive, this is not a reflection on you or your husband in any way. The school is not out to get you, they are trying to support you.
Going from here your son needs specific targets on an action plan, tutoring is good if he enjoys it, look up ways to help dyslexic children and stop worrying. Find out if he'll have to resit the phonics screening too.

I am a teacher too. I second the pp saying that tests can be inconclusive- especially with boys before the age of 7/8 as that is when their brains mature. I'm appalled that the school want you to pay for it. They should be finding the funding! I would personally ask them what steps they will implement based on his probably diagnosis and ask that he receives the test next year rather than now.