Is this a normal amount/situation-friends?

[Totp1990]

Although being fairly quiet sometimes and enjoying my own company and space, I’ve generally had friends throughout my life. Lots of pals in primary and high school, with a group of five great girls. Then a few in college/uni, couples type friends with my dp, a very best friend (who lives back in Australia now and up until around 8 years ago, a girl group of 5 friends at work.
I live abroad and friendships are fairly transient as people move back home etc.
My situation now is that the 5 friends from work all live back in the uk (still in contact and one I see a couple of times a year when she comes to visit) our couple type friends are in the uk, friends from school I’m in touch with but don’t see with being here. I now have a few new mum friends since my Dd was born 2.6 years ago but I don’t have that very secure group of friends, like a tight girl group where we go out once a week etc or a very best friend. Is this normal? I see some others do and I feel a bit blah about it.
Do you all have friendship groups like this?
I chat with pals in the uk a few days a week and ore covid met with mummy friends and the odd child’s party etc, but I really don’t have that ‘Oh what are we doing this weekend?’ type friendship group.
Covid has definitely messed it up as a fair amount was going on with meet ups with my dd.
What are your situations?

No, I think it is pretty normal, once you have dc for your lives to evolve, and it isn't that usual to have "meet up every weekend" girlfriends.
Added in to the fact you live abroad and you say a lot of people are farily transient, you don't build up the deep friendships that come with shared experiences and memories of years ago.

Sounds like you have plenty of friends and a good mix of 'different ways of being friends' with people.

Tbh I think once you have a partner and dc it is normal for them to be the primary group you spend time with. Seeing friends is less regular. Most of your emotional needs get met in you nuclear family.

It’s true but I am seeing a few groups of girl friends getting together for Xmas dinners out etc and weekly nights out. Perhaps the difference might be these sets have older children-5 plus usually 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think all this goes a bit by the wayside in the first few years of having children. You spend the time trying to meet your people in the sea of “mummy friends”. Once things become a bit more stable as your DC gets older it reverts a bit more to having a group that you socialize with regularly.

Do most people tend to stay friends with those mum friends? I’m wondering what usually happens once the kids start (possibly different) schools etc

I don't think it's unusual at all, life just fizzles out in strange ways and I don't have that where I live, in London.

I have 5 very close friends from school, we go on holiday together once a year but they're in Germany (where I grew up) and I'm here in London, I see them when I go over to see family and they usually visit once a year. We do talk on WhatsApp a lot.

I then have my uni girls (6 of us) but we rarely see each other, maybe 1-2x a year and we're never all together as 2 live aboard, I'm in London, the other one is in Cambridge, next one in Wales, the other in Winchester. We do talk every day on whatapp though.

2 Erasmus friends who I see twice a year, they always come to my child's birthday even though they live in Ireland.

Then I have 2 close friends in London who I met at work in 2014 but that's it + NCT but we don't do as much anymore as we used to especially this year was tough due to all the restrictions.

I have a lot of friends but I spend a lot of time with my DH and my child, our neighbours, his friends + wives, his family and mums i am not even that close to in the park talking about our children.

You will meet a lot of potential friends as a parent - play group parent friends, preschool parents, parents from school, and that is apart from people you meet at work and in day to day life. It's likely that some of these people will become good friends and others good to hang out with from time to time.

Being a parent opens a lot of doors to potential new friendships in my experience.

I guess this is the new place phase then-friends through my Dd, it was going brilliantly until covid and has obviously fizzled out a lot due to that

Do most people tend to stay friends with those mum friends?

It is the same throughout life.
People have 'circumstantial friends' - you become friendly with the people that walk the same route home from school or travel on the same bus as you. As you get older you are friendly with the people doing the same subjects. As a teen you are friendly with the people that do the same hobby or sport. Then you are friendly with the people you are in halls with at University or that you play in the same sports team as. Or, if you don't go to university you are friendly with colleague that you spend all day with, and perhaps more so with those you commute with or do the same thing at lunch break with. Then you make friends with people going through the same experience as you when you are a new Mum. Then you might make friends with other parents your dc are at school with (or this might continue to be neighbours). Then as your dc get older and you might have time for hobbies again, there is a new source of friends.

Along the way, you sometimes just "click" with one person particularly, or you might form a little group of 3 or 4.
Sometimes you have someone who is "the organiser" from a certain friendship group and those keep alive for longer, as someone takes the trouble to arrange for you to all meet up twice a year.

There's no guarantee that you "make friends with" anyone from any of these circumstances - it's just sometimes you get lucky, and other times, it is fine to be friends with people just because of circumstance. There's no need to over think it. Just see how things go.

Since about mid - end of my 40s, I've had more time and independence as the dc have got older, and have re-kindled friendships with people that I had been friendly with in my early 20s or even at school that I drifted away from over the years as our lives were busy and things got in the way. It's nice being able to pick up some of those friendships again, but some of the groups want to and others don't. That's fine. People are on different journeys in life.

That’s a nice way of putting it all 💐

During lockdown it's harder to make new friends and I have made a couple online through shared interests. One in Australia who I am not likely ever to meet in person but I enjoy the friendship nonetheless.